Second Chance

Vic Sotto is not alone in proving love could be sweeter the second time around. Here are five other celebrity couples who have proven just that.

Source: LOOK: 6 celebrity couples who found second chance at love

Pagkatapos kong basahin ang article na yan sa site ng ABS-CBN, ewan ko ba at parang bigla akong may nalasahan na ampalaya sa sarili ko. Esep-esep ko, tongue-inah…nakakadalawa na sila ha! Buti pa sila may SECOND CHANCE, eh ako ni-CHANCE wala. Olats talaga! Ano bang MERON ako na WALA sila? Hmpt!

Haays…makapaglagay nga ng post-it sa noo ko na may print na, LOSER! Meehehehe!

Monday Humor 1.25.16

BUKNOY: “Tay, naglalakad yung mga gulay natin.”
TATAY: “Paano mo naman nasabi, anak?”
BUKNOY: “Yung talong po nakarating sa kuwarto ni ate.”

Girl announced her engagement to her father.
FATHER: “Does this fellow have any money?”
GIRL: “Oh! Dad, you men are all alike.  That’s exactly what he asked me about you!”

MARIA: “Ang kuripot talaga ng boyfriend ko.”
PETRA: “Bakit, ano nangyari?”
MARIA: “Biruin mo naman.. sabi ko gusto kong makita ang Davao… binigyan ako ng postcard!”

A man visited a friend tending elephants at a zoo. He found him crying and when asked what happened, the man replied that the largest elephant had died.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know you were so close to the elephant.”
“I’m not, I have to bury it.”

BOY: “Pa-torjack naman!
GIRL: “Yuck! Di ka talaga romantic!
LALAKE: “O sige, totorjakin kita sa itaas  ng bundok at sa ilalim ng mga bituin!”
GIRL: “Yan… OK!”

One bank opened a branch near a cemetery and put up this sign: “You can’t take it with you when you go, but bank with us and you would at least be near it.”

A lola doing the way of the cross in a church.
LALAKE: “Lola, baliktad po yata ang way of the cross niyo?”
LOLA: “Tama ito, hijo!”
LALAKE: “Mali po, dapat po sa 1st station kayo magsimula hindi sa 14th station!”
LOLA: “Ganun ba? Kaya palakas nang palakas si Kristo!”

HUSBAND: “After all these years of marriage. Why have you never threatened to divorce me?”
WIFE: “I’d hate to see you happy!”

PARE1: “Pre, anong sakit mo?”
PARE2: “Diabetes, pre.”
PARE1: “Acquired mo yan?”
PARE2: “Hindi, namana ko lang etong sakit na eto sa papa ko.”
PARE1: “Bakit, diabetic din sya?”
PARE2: “Hindi.. Sugar Daddy!”

A fat lady drops coin in pay weighing scale, waited a while, then a thermal paper came out with the message, “Sorry, only ONE customer at a time.”

*Thank you MIKE for the above SMS jokes.

 

 

oOo

“Old age is when candlelit dinners are no longer romantic, because, you cannot read the menu!”

Thursday Humor 01.21.16

DALAGA: “Excuse me, pogi… Meron kang kamukha.”
BINATA: “Sino?”
DALAGA: “Yung susunod kong BF!”
BINATA: “Sorry, hindi puwede yan!”
DALAGA: “Bakit?”
BINATA: “May BF na kasi ako. At para sa kaalaman mo, hindi ako TOMBOY!”

ANAK: “Akala ko ba ampon niyo ako, eto birth certificate ko! Antagal niyo sakin nilihim na tunay nyo aköng anak!”
MAGULANG: “Pero anak, tinuring ka din namin na parang pekeng anak.”
ANAK: “Ano na lang sasabihìn ng mga kamag-anak natin kapag nalaman nilang tunay nyo akong anak? Ayoko na dito, aalis na ako!”
MAGULANG: “Saan ka pupunta?”
ANAK: “Hahanapin ko mga peke kong magulang!”

MOTHER: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? You’ve been studying for 3 years, and you can only count up to 10. What will you do in life if you go on like that?”
LITTLE BOY: “I’ll be a referee at boxing matches!”

DOKTOR: “Pag di kayo tumigil ng pag-inom ng alak maaring mabulag kayo!”
PASYENTE: “Ako’y 80 taon na. Sa palagay ko ay nakita ko nang lahat ang mga dapat makita!”

Two guys were talking during lunch.
GUY1: “You wouldn’t believe what happened this morning. A girl on a bike rode up to me, undressed herself, and told me, “take whatever you want.” So I took her bike.”
GUY2: “Good choice! Her clothes probably woudn’t fit you!”

Fantasy ng Babae:
Ang pag-agawan siya ng dalawang lalake.
Fantasy ng Lalake:
Ang i-share siya ng dalawang babae.

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“It’s the police, sir.”
“You’ll have to wait, I’m having a poo.”
“We know, sir. The phone booth has glass sides!”

Two flies land on a pile of manure. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, “Hey do you mind? I’m eating here.”

*Thank you MIKE for the above SMS jokes.

 

 

oOo

“May oras na darating na kailangang palayain ang isang lalake, di dahil ayaw mo na sa kanya, kundi alam mong mas masaya siya kung hahayaan mo siyang magmahal sa kapwa niyang lalake!”

Miss Universe Intro

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  1. “From the land of the disqualified candidate for presidency – GREECE!”
  2. “From the land of Dick – ISRAEL!
  3. “From the land of Susan – AFRICA!”
  4. “From the land of Amy – AUSTRIA!”
  5. “From the land of PacMom’s Mommy – InDIONESIA!”
  6. “From the land of the ifs and buts – PERU!”
  7. “From the land  kung saan madameng rapper – YEMEN!”
  8. “From the Land of Philip and Maja – EL SALVADOR”
  9. “From the Land of Kuya Germs – GERMANY!”
  10. “One way, two way, highway, there’s no other way – NORWAY!”
  11. “One little two, little three, little – INDIA!”
  12. “I did not walk, I did not crawl,-  IRAN!”
  13. “No matter what happens I’m never gonna – LIBYA!”
  14. “Ola viola, kaserola, tinola, sarangola, arinola ni lola – VENEZUELA!”
  15. “Yakult everyday, everyday – UK!”
  16. “Kanina buhay pa sya, ngayon pa – CHINA!”
  17. “Hindi tuldok , hindi question mark – KUWAIT!”
  18. “Sing ka na, Sing ka pa, Ilabas ang Magic Sing – SINGAPORE!”
  19. “TaiTHREE, TaiTWO – TAIWAN!”
  20. “27, 28, 29, TURKEY!”
  21. “iPhone 6, Dual sim, 20K, Made in – CHINA!”
  22. “Sa bansang mahal ang bigas, gayun din ang gas, maraming mandurugas, marami ring patatas – PILIPINAS!”
  23. “Hindi sa Greenbelt, hindi sa SM North, hindi sa Ayala, kundi sa – SAMOA!”
  24. “Hindi ka naman kausap, sumasabat ka. Huwag kang masyadong – NEPAL!”
  25. “Ang bagal mo kumilos, late na tayo sa party – BELIZE!”
  26. “Bawat bata may tanong, Ba’t ganito, ba’t ganun? Hayaang buksan ang isipan. Sa science o agham. Tayo na sa – VENEZUELA!”
  27. “Hulihin! Huwag pakawalan! – ITALY!”
  28. “Pag tinext ka niya ng “good night,” ‘wag mo agad lalagyan ng – MALAYSIA!”
  29. “Ang susunod na palabas ay Rated – FIJI!”
  30. “We’re not lovers. We’re just – FRANCE!”
  31. “Netherair, Netherwater – NETHERLANDS!”
  32. “Hi! My name is Anne Curtis-Smith, ang inyong paboritong kampanerang – CUBA!”
  33. “Mali ang tsismis, hindi sya supot – TUNISIA!”
  34. “If you can make it through the fire, then I can make it through – BAHRAIN!”
  35. “I came here like a wrecking ball. By Miley – CYPRUS!”
  36. “Basta corned beef – ARGENTINA!”
  37. “Mauna na kayong mag-lunch, wala pa akong – GHANA!”
  38. “Beep, beep, beep! Ang sabi ng jeep. May baklang kumekeme sa jeep. – EGYPT!”
  39. “Thailand, Thailand mo ba mapapansin ang aking lihim? – THAILAND!”
  40. “The one and only largest gorilla in the universe – HONGKONG!”
  41. “Ssshhh…Please keep – KUWAIT!”
  42. “Nahilo, nagutom, natumba nawalan ng – MALAYSIA!”
  43. “Class, exchange your papers. Lets CZECH REPUBLIC!”

SOURCE: Twitter

Thursday Humor 12.10.15

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*

TANONG: Anong bansa ang hindi sikat?
SAGOT: Eh di, Laos.

TANONG: Anong bansa ang parating sumasang-ayon?
SAGOT: Eh Di, Yemen.

*

HOLDAPER: “Akin na pera mo!”
POLITIKO: “Di mo ba ako kilala? Pulitiko ako.”
HOLDAPER: “Okay, akin na pera namin!”

*

RING FINGER = palasingsingan
PINKY FINGER = pansandalian
MIDDLE FINGER = palaligayahan

*

Use COMMUTE in a sentence.
“Noong bata ako, CUTE lang ako. Tapos ngayon, lalong COMMUTE.”

*

Pag-uwi ni mister, medyo tahimik sa bahay at nakapatay ang ilaw sa sala at kusina. Kaya dumerecho siya sa kwarto at nadatnan niya si misis na naka-hubad sa kama…
MISTER: “Bakit ka nakahubad diyan?”
MISIS: “Ah… eh… kasi wala akong masuot na damit.”
MISTER: “Walang ma-suot? Eh ang dami-dami kong binili sa’yong damit na bago para sa pasko!”
*Pumunta si mister sa cabinet at binuksan…*
MISTER: “Eto yung blue dress… eto yung red blouse… eto yung black dress… eto si kumpare… eto yung floral dress… eto yung green blouse… teka…”

*

Mag-tiyo nanonood ng DVD movie…
PAMANGKIN: “Tito, natatakot ako.”
TITO: “Wag ka matakot ok lang yan.”
PAMANGKIN: “Mamamatay ba yung babae?!? “Sigaw siya ng sigaw.”
TITO: “Parang oo yata.…anlaki ng titi ng negrong ‘to.”

*

PEDRO: “Pre, tagay tayo, nag-away kami ni misis eh.”
JUAN: “Ha? E sino nanalo?”
PEDRO: “Sabihin na lang natin na ang huli kong salita eh…”tumigil ka na at nagdidilim na paningin ko!”
JUAN: “Hahahaha! Wow astig! Bossing ka pala eh! Ano naman sabi nya?”
PEDRO: “Hindi ko na alam pre, nawalan na ko ng malay eh. Sakal-sakal nya kasi ko nung sinabi ko yun!”

*

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
‘Kinginang Violet yan, pano naging blue?!

*

Grade 6 couples be like…
BOY: “Babe ansungit mo na naman, ano bang problema?”
GIRL: “Tanong mo dun sa babaeng nilibre mo ng Mikmik!”

*

oOo

“Hindi hadlang ang mga bilbil sa ating katakawan.
Gabay lamang sila.
Meron tayong FREE TASTE,
Kainin natin ito.”