Tuesday Humor 09.30.14

Katol Pa

JUAN: “Mga tol, wala kayo sa bahay namin… pag andoon kayo sa taas halos di niyo na makita mga tao sa sobramg taas.”
MARIA: “Ay naku! wala kayo sa bahay namin.. pag andoon kayo sa taas paramg mapa ma lang ng pilipinas pag tingin niyo sa baba.”
PEDRO: “Yan lang bahay niyo? Wala kayo sa bahay ko.. try niyo ihagis ang bata sa taas pagdating niyan sa baba matanda na yan..”

Success…
At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, it is having friends.
At age 18, it is having a driver’s license.
At age 20, it is having a girlfriend.
At age 35, it is having money.
At age 60, it is having sex.
At age 70, it is having a driver’s license.
At age 80, it is not peeing in your pants.

DAD: “Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?”
ANAK: “Yes, Daddy.”
DADDY: “Maka-Diyos?”
ANAK: “Sobra Dad.”
DADDY: “Nasaan siya?”
ANAK: “Nandoon sa simbahan, nagmimisa!”

Old man has 8 hair on his head.
He went to Barber shop.
Barber in anger asked: “Shall I cut or count?”
Old man smiled and said: “Colour it!”

BABAE: “Nasaan kaya ako?”
LALAKE: “Andito sa puso ko, Darling!”
BABAE: “Hayop ka, seryoso ako! Gago! Nawawala na tayo sa Enchanted Kingdom!”

“Pedro, if you have 20 pesos and Juan takes away 14, what would you have?” said the teacher.
“A fight!” answers Pedro.

A man was smoking when a well-dressed gent came over and asked for a cigarette. As they stood puffing away together, the man turned and said, “It’s a disgusting habit. You should give it up.”
The gent asked, “Smoking?”
The man replied, “Begging.”

Isang mag-asawa ang dumulog sa korte para magpa-annul.
JUDGE: “Ano ang dahilan para kayo magpaannul?”
BABAE: (Nagsalita habang nakayuko) “Your honor, katawan lang ang gusto niya sa akin.”
JUDGE: “Anong pruyba mo?”
BABAE: (Nakayuko pa rin) “Tuwing nag love making kami tinatakpan niya ng towel ang mukha ko.”
JUDGE: “Ikaw Mister bakit mo ginawa yun?”
MISTER: “No comment your Honor. Just see for yourself.”
MISIS: (Nagalit at ihinarap ang mukha sa Judge) See bastos talaga ang taong yan.”
JUDGE: (Habang nakatingin kay Misis.) “Annulment petition granted. Ikaw naman lalaki, bakit ngayon ka lang nagfile ng annulment? Ang tiyaga mo.”

Apple Inc. has developed a new high tech toilet. The details are not yet clear, but the company is torn between two names for the new device.. Either the iPood or the iPeed.

After watching the girls do line dancing, a guy thought, hey I can do this. So he got in line and asked one of the girls, “What’s the name of this dance?”
She replied, “I don’t know, this is the line for the bathroom!”

QUESTION: What is a gay guy’s favorite place to work?
ANSWER: Manhole.

JUAN: “Halika sa kwarto Maria.”
MARIA: “Bakit Juan? Anong meron?”
JUAN: “Sara mo pinto’Maria.”
MARIA: “Kuya, huwag po!”
JUAN: “Patayin mo ilaw Maria.”
MARIA: “Naku, Maawa ka Juan.”
JUAN: “Ipapakita ko lang ang tsinelas ko oh, Glow in the dark.”

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“”Real men wear pink? NO. Real mean treat girls right!”

Thursday Humor 09.18.14

tuna

May isang buntis na naglilihi…
ISABELA: “Gusto ko ng itim na mangga.”
PEDRO: “Eh wala namang itim na mangga.”
Naglalakad sa kagubatan, may nakita si Pedro na puno ng mangga. May bunga doon ng itim na mangga, dalawa nga lang. Pinilit ni Pedro pitasin ang itim na mangga
KAPRE: “Amang, itlog ko yan.”

Looking for a good porn – 15 minutes
Waiting for it to buffer – 7-8 minutes
Time between you cum and start of film – 1 minute
Life is tedious.

My wife is gone out for the day which means only one thing…
Porn without headphones.

Dalawang lasing naglalakad sa riles ng tren…
LASING1: “Pre, ang hirap naman netong hagdan! Andaming steps!”
LASING2: “Hindi lang yan, pre! Ambaba pa ng hawakan!”

BOY: “Tahimik ka na naman.”
GIRL: “Ha?”
BOY: “Galit ka ba?”
GIRL: “Hindi naman.”
BOY: “Di ka galit sakin?”
GIRL: “Hindi.”
BOY: “May nagawa ba ako?”
GIRL: “Wala.”
BOY: “Eh bakit hindi mo ako pinapansin?”
GIRL: “Hindi naman kita kilala eh!”

A Pakistani girlfriend keeps talking about blow-jobs to her boyfriend.
The man is confused. He doesn’t know whether to get his dick out or to warn the Department of Homeland Security.

BOY: “Miss, may FB ka?”
GIRL: “Oo, bakit?”
BOY: “Add mo ko.”
GIRL: “Sure!”
BOY: “May BF ka?”
GIRL: “Meron, add kita?”

TANONG: How do you get a watermelon pregnant?
SAGOT: You pakwan!

QUESTION: Why do women live longer than men?
ANSWER: Because the kitchen is where the knives are!

TEACHER: “How can we keep our school clean?”
STUDENT: “By staying at home ma’am!”

ANAK: “Tays! kakains nas tayos!”
TATAY: “Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng ‘S’ sa mga sinasabi mo ha ! Ano ba ang ulam?”
ANAK: “BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA.”

Use “Bampira” in a sentence!
“Ahmm, Dodong. Pautang naman, meron ka bampira?!”

 

 

oOo

“Sa panahon ngayon, kulangot na lang ang hard to get.”

Wednesday Humor 09.17.14

punisherano

Nagpayabangan ang 2 bata.
BATA1: “Bakit wala pa kayong TV kami meron na?”
BATA2: “Sabi ng nanay ko, malapit na rin kaming magkaroon eh.”
BATA1: “Talaga! Eh bakit malapit pa lang?”
BATA2: “Siyempre, inuubo pa lang kasi si Lolo eh!”

A guy has been sleeping with a bloke’s wife and he got this text from the husband, “You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!” To which the guy replied, “8 out of 10, I’ll requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”

A wife reading an almanac.
WIFE: “Did you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
HUSBAND: “Why don’t you use a mouthwash?”

A man has just been dumped by his girlfriend. She found him creepy because he gave a nickname to his dick. Said he, “Now that I am single again, I’ll have to take Matters into my own hands.”

ERAP: “I heard that fish is BRAIN food.”
LOI: “That’s right! You better eat a WHALE!”

On the night of their honeymoon when the newly weds were about to make love…
HUSBAND: “Hon, I’m so excited because you didn’t agree to have sex until we get married.”
WIFE: “You see, hon, I’ve developed a problem of trusting people. Had I agreed to have sex with you, you might not marry me and it would be the 13th time that I’ve been fooled!”

JUAN: “Pare, dati mayabang ako. Nagbago na ako ngayon! Humble na ako.”
PEDRO: “Ows, talaga?! I’m proud of you! Kailan nawala ang yabang mo?”
JUAN: “Simula nuong maging PERFECT ako!”

VICTIM: “My wife just tried to run me over!”
POLICEMAN: “The car hit you from behind. How can you tell it was your wife?”
VICTIM: “I recognize the laugh!”

DOKTOR: “Sir at misis, meron akong good news at bad news.”
MISTER: “Ano po iyong good news?”
DOKTOR: “Buntis si misis.”
MISIS: “Eh ano naman ang bad news?”
DOKTOR: “Sterile si mister.”

An epitaph that sounds like something from the 3 Stooges:
    Here lies Anna
    Done to death by a banana
    If wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
    But the skin of the thing that made her go.

TV host Billy Crawford went berserk in a police station in Taguig City last Sunday. Police said Billy was obviously drunk when he went wild. Or in showbiz parlance “Anne Curtis.

I asked 100 women what shampoo they preferred…
The number one answer was, “How did you get in here in the bathroom?”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE pogi. :D

 

 

oOo

“Do you know out of loyalty, hope and love, which one is the most important one? It’s loyalty. That’s why you should find a guy who can be loyal and not just one who can love.”

Thursday Humor 09.11.14

sira sira store

Para maiba naman…
1. Aanhin mo pa ang damo, kung may shabu naman sa kanto?
2. Pagkahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, prusisyon pa din.
3. Ang di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, naka -kotse.
4. Ang lalaking gipit, walang pera.
5. Kung ano ang itinanim mo, siya din ang didiligin mo.
6. Ang PAGSISISI, ay di magiging champion.
7. Kahit saang gubat, ay mag-ingat.
8. Bato-bato sa langit, baka meteorite yan.
9. Kung may isinuksok, may matutusok!
10. Kapag maiksi ang kumot, itupi mo pa para mas maiksi.
11. Nasa tao ang gawa, sitting-pretty ang mga timawa.
12. May tenga ang lupa, mayroon din ang daga.

Ang Panget at ang Diwata
DIWATA: “Ano ang iyong kahilingan?”
PANGET: “Nakikita mo ang mapang ito? Dalhin mo ako sa bansang ito (New York) at sa babaeng nakalaan para sa akin.”
DIWATA: “Sorry, hanggang dito lang sa Pilipinas ang powers ko, iba na lang ang hilingin mo.”
PANGET: “Sige, maging normal na tao ka na lang at pakasalanan mo ako.”
DIWATA: “Patingin nga ng mapa na yan, at baka magawan ko ng paraan!”

TANONG: Anong fish ang gumagapang?
SAGOT: Eh di ifish.

FRIEND1: “Anong Tagalog ng bubblegum?”
FRIEND2: “Kendi”

FROG: What does my future hold?”
FAIRY: You’ll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.”
FROG: “Great! Will I meet her in a party?”
FAIRY: “No. In Biology class.”

TATAY: “Anak papasukin mo nga si Bantay.”
ANAK: “Bantay, pasok na!”
TATAY: “Langya naman ang lamya mo tumawag, bakla ka!!”
ANAK: “Eh paano po bang gusto nyong pagtawag ko?”
TATAY: “Eh di tigasan mo boses mo at takutin mo para pumasok!”
ANAK: (sa matigas na boses) “Hoy Bantay! Pumasok ka na! Sige ka may MUMU diyan!”

Eksena sa CR.
GAY: “Wow! Anlaki naman niyan.”
MAN: “Oo nga, kaso useless rin naman kase break na kami ng gf ko. Putulin ko kaya at ipakain sa aso.”
GAY: “Aw! Aw!”

“Puro kayo pekpek! Kala nyo kayo lang maganda pakinggan ng paulit-ulit!” — Titi

PEDRO: “Juan bakit mo hinihintay mahulog yung bayabas imbis na kunin mo?”
JUAN TAMAD: “Alam mo kasi, hindi lahat ng kukunin mo talagang mapapasayo,minsan kailangan mo talagang maghintay para malaman mo kung talagang para ito sa ‘yo.”
(Nagmatured na si Juan?)

TEACHER: “Juan, pag’tinanong kita dapat mabilis ang sagot mo ha?”
JUAN: “Yes ma’am!”
TEACHER: “1+1?”
JUAN: “Mabilis!”

 

oOo

“Ang puso ay parang bawang. Buo talaga, pilit lang dinudurog ng iba.”

Masikat Na Araw

DSC_0004 

Maganda ang weather ngayon dito sa bansa namin na kung tawagin ay – Mindanao.

Masikat at maaraw. Kaya alam ko na maraming mister ngayon ang nagbubunyi sa kani-kanilang pamamahay. Malamang maluha-luha pa sila sa saya ngayon dahil madaling matutuyo ang mga labada nila. Hihi!

Sana maaliwalas ulit ang panahon sa mga susunod na araw.

Samantala, last week may nabasa akong chika ng PAGASA. “PAGASA: Expect a warmer Christmas season.” Ang ibig ba sabihin nyan eh hindi ko mailalabas at maisusuot ang mga posh winter clothing ko sa darating na BER months? Ganeern?! Charot!

 

 

oOo

“The sign of a beautiful person is that they always see beauty in others.”

Tuesday Humor 09.09.14

evolution-of-a-filipino-politician

Best Answer Kapag Mag-aabot ng Pamasahe sa JEEP.
1. #MedyoJinggoy na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan galing ang P20?”
PASAHERO: “Manong, wag nyo kong husgahan please. Ang perang yan ay hindi galing sa gobyerno.”

2. #MedyoParanoid na sagot.
DRIVER: “San yung bente?”
PASAHERO: “Ano? Kaaabot ko lang nawala agad yung bente ko?”

3. #MedyoMayabang na sagot.
DRIVER: “Estudyante?”
PASAHERO: “Mechanical Engineer. 2010 Board Passer.”

4. #MedyoHarotToTheNthPower na sagot.
DRIVER: “Estudyante?”
PASAHERO: “Opo. 2nd year high school. Hindi pa nireregla pero may anim na crush na.”

5. #MedyoDumadamoves na sagot.
DRIVER: “Ilan dito sa P20?”
PASAHERO: “Dalawa po. Isang manhid at isang nagmamahal ng palihim.”

6. #MedyoHarotPart2 na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan galing?”
PASAHERO: “Nag group study po. Tapos alam niyo ba andun din yung crush ko. Magdamag niya akong tinuruan sa math. Tapos nung nag exam kanina, zero nakuha ko. Hihihi!”

7. #MedyoDefensive na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan galing?”
PASAHERO: “Nagmotel. 3 hours kami dun. At wag kayong judgmental please. Gumawa lang kami ng loombands.”

8. #MedyoNakahithitNgPentelpen na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan ang baba ng bente?”
PASAHERO: “Tung-inuhhh!! Naglalakad yung bente!!”

9. #MedyoHighblood na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan ang baba?”
PASAHERO: “Sa gitna ng kalsada. Para patay ako tapos kulong kayo.”

10. #MedyoEmoH3artZ na sagot.
DRIVER: “Ilan dito sa P20?”
PASAHERO: “Isa lang. Wag nyo na din sanang itanong kung bakit. Sanay na ako na palaging iniiwan. Kaya nasanay na rin akong mag-isa. Keep the change.”

11. #MedyoSenti na sagot.
DRIVER: “Walang barya?”
PASAHERO: “Yan tayo eh. Sobra sobra na nga ang binigay, pero parang kulang pa rin. Parang pag-ibig.”

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
June!
June who?
Wag June! Wag June! May kiliti ako June! Wag June!

BABAE: “Hahalikan mo pa ba ako kahit na pangit ako?”
LALAKI: “Oo naman, Goodbye kiss.”

10 SIDES: Decagon
100 SIDES: Hectogon
1000 SIDES: Chiliagon
10,000 SIDES: Myriagon
1M SIDES: Gagomeganon?

TANONG: Anong english ng ATIS?
SAGOT: Eh di SISTERS.

ATOY: “Bruno, may urine test kami bukas.”
BRUNO: “Ah ganun ba.”
ATOY: “Anong gagawin ko?”
BRUNO: “Ano pa nga ba, eh di magreview ka!”

MGA NAKAKALOKO, NAKAKATAWA, NAKAKAINIS AT WALANG KWENTANG TANONG:

1. Saan ka pumupunta pag hindi ka umaalis? (Hindi nga umalis di ba?)
2. Anong ginagawa mo pag wala kang ginagawa? (Eh wala ngang ginagawa di ba?)
3. Sinong kinakausap mo pag wala kang makausap? (Siguro sarili ko, close kami eh.)
4. Ilan kayong pupunta kung wala kang kasama? (Malamang ako lang.)
5. Kung rereypin ka ng crush mo, payag ka? (May choice pa ba ako, eh rape nga yun!)
6. Nagso-softdrinks ka ba pag coffee break? (Bakit, bawal?!)
7. Ang hirap siguro bumili ng “Happy Meal” pag malungkot ka noh? (Buset ka!)
8. Nanonood ka ba ng morning news sa umaga? (Hindi, sa gabi!)
9. Paano pag wala kang bahay, saan mo gagawin homework mo? (Try mo sa sanga ng malunggay!)
10. Bakit kaya ang init pag summer? (Kasi hindi winter!)

 

oOo

“Hindi lahat ng matigas ay nasa freezer, yung iba, nasa loob ng zipper.”

Monday Humor 09.08.14

whos afraid of who

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Bata bumibili sa tindahan ng “Hello” chocolate-coated wafer.
BATA: “Ate, Hello po.”
TINDERA: “Hello din!”

A wife phoned her husband.
WIFE: “I think I’m dying, please come home immediately.”
HUSBAND: “Please be sure before calling me!”

PARE1:”Pre, bwisit tong crush ko. Puro “K” lang nirereply sakin. Isipin mo yun pre, Isang letra lang!”
PARE2:”Mas bwisit yung sakin.”
PARE1:”Bakit? Ilang letters ba reply nya sa’yo?”
PARE2:”Apat.”
PARE1:”Apat naman pala eh. Ano ba sabi?”
PARE2:”SEEN”

A man was desperate when he came to a psychiatrist, “My wife doesn’t understand me!” The doctor asked, “What do you do for a living?”
The man replied, “I’m a nuclear physicist.”

DAGDAG-BAWAS!!
Dagdagan ang pagpapasalamat,
bawasan ang pagrereklamo.

Dagdagan ang pakikinig,
bawasan ang pagdadaldal.

Dagdagan ang pagbati sa mabubuting nagawa,
bawasan ang pagpuna sa maling nagawa.

Dagdagan ang pagngiti,
bawasan ang pagsimangot.

at higit sa lahat,
Dagdagan ang mga..
MISTRESSES, bawasan mahuli ng asawa.

Studies show that men who have more sex often tend to have a longer life expectancy…
Unless your wife finds out.

The wife shivered in front of the camera, after having had a bucket of iced water poured over her head.
“That was awesome,” the husband laughed. “But you didn’t nominate anyone.”
“Because I was sleeping, you fool!”
she yelled.

How to win an argument:
1. Have a vagina
2. That’s it
3. You won
4. Congratulations!

Kay Vice President Binay…
Kapag nanalo po ba kayong pangulo sa 2016, bibigyan niyo rin ba ng birthday cake ang lahat ng senior citizens sa Pilipinas? Grabe! Ang dami po nuon! Tiba-tiba, so just DOUGH it!

A survey showed 87% of women like to yell out instructions during sex. And 79% shout instructions while men are driving. Apparently, in both cases, it’s “Slow down! You’re going the wrong way!”

TANONG: Anong tawag sa Chinese na lumpo?
SAGOT: Eh di Lumpong Shanghai

TANONG: Anong tawag sa motor na masaya?
SAGOT: Eh di YamaHAHAHAHAHA!

TANONG: Anong tawag sa motor na malungkot?
SAGOT: Eh di HUHUHUHUnda!

TANONG: Bakit laging unang ginigisa ang bawang sa sibuyas?
SAGOT: Ganun talaga… alphabetical kase yan!

B0Y: “Miss, tanim ka ba?”
GIRL: “Korny mo. Sige nga, bakit?”
B0Y: “Paa mo puro ugat.”

 

oOo

“SEPTEMBER na, pero ikaw pa rin AGOSTO ko.”

Dahil Sa K-Drama

i love kdrama

Nakaka-stress yung naka-upo ka sa harap ng ‘pyuter, titig na titig sa blinking cursor ng blankong page ng monitor at walang maisip na mai-type na kwento o tsismis man lang.

“AJHDS USYF USYSU SUWYDWHDSJBS SKJAJD WEONFOIFOIJHX NS!” <—- yan palagi ang mga letrang nagrarambol sa loob ng bungo ko noon. Wala akong maiporma na saktong words. Punyeta!

Hays…minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like days. Days feel like months. Months feel like years!  Kelan kaya ako ulit sisigla sa pagbo-blog? Yan ang lagi kong tanong sa sarili.

Nagi-guilty na ako ng todo kasi puro jokes na lang ang laman ng blog ko. Kunsabagay, repleksyon din ‘to ng buhay ko ngayon, na parang isang joke lang. Naks!

May time na pag tinitingnan ko ‘tong blog ko, halos wala na syang pinagkaiba sa refrigerator namin na pag binuksan mo, puro tubig ang laman. Boring. Hindi mo man lang makuhang maglaway at ma-excite. Walang interesante.

Ilang beses din ako nagplanong pasiglahin ng konti ‘tong blog ko kasi mahal ko talaga ‘to. Kaso lagi naman akong sawi.

Tinatamad ako agad bago pa man mag umpisa! Ni hindi man lang ako makakuha ng GANA mag-type sa keyboard. O baka naman sabog lang talaga ako palagi netong mga nakaraang buwan, walang lakas kasi lagi akong bangenge!

Kasalanan ‘to ng mga KOREANS! Hmp!

Huh!?

Oo, ng mga koreano!

kdramas

Akalain mo ba naman na sa kapapanood ko ng mga online korean movies and dramanovelas ay biglang nabago ang takbo ng pamumuhay ko since June!

Naging SUGAPA ako watching k-dramas day and night, sa totoo lang. Uulitin ko, day and night!

Kinain nila ng todo ang oras at panahon ko. Tumigil bigla ang mundo ko sa iisang pwesto at wala na ako halos magawa.

Magkukwento pa ako sa inyo next time ha.

Samantala, till here na lang muna ako ha, dahil oras na naman para manood ng sinubaybayan kong online korean drama.

Annyonghi Gaseyo! (Haha! Kitams! Alam ko na ang GOODBYE in korean.)

 

P.S.

And to all my loyal Maruism readers… saranghe! Charot! :D

 

 

oOo

“The one who loves more is the weak one. You’re the weak against the strong. But in love, the weak one is happier.” – from the series Emergency Couple

Friday Humor 09.05.14

stallone

GIRL: “Joke ka naman.”
BOY: “Ok. Anong hayop ang pinagnanasaan ko?”
GIRL: “Ano?”
BOY: “COW” siyempre.”

GF: “Hihiwalayan na kita! Hindi na talaga kita maintindihan!”
BF: “M4h4L kh03! W4g m03 gh4w!n sXh4kh3n +0!”

SENYORA: “Bakit tuwing darating ako ng bahay, inaabutan kitang nanonood ng TV?”
INDAY: “Mam, ayaw ko po kasing abutan nyo ako na walang ginagawa!”

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MONEY isn’t everything. It causes pain and suffering. I’m telling you this because I’m your friend and I want to take your pain and suffering. So send me your money and I will suffer for you.

MANAGER : “Miss, anong masarap na almusal dito?”
MISS : “Tapsilog, sir.”
MANAGER: “Wala na ba iba? Nakakasawa na eh. Yung medyo light lang.”
MISS: “Meron Puke, try mo, sir.”
MANAGER: “Pilya ka pala ha. May opis pa ako. Balikan kita mamayang gabi.”
MISS: “Si sir naman, PUto  na may KEso yon!”

OBAMA CARE: If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport – you’ll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and if you mention Al Qaeda, you’ll get a free colonoscopy!

A THOUGHTFUL HUSBAND is one who holds the door open for his wife to carry in the groceries from the car.

TEACHER: “Simon, can you say your name backwards?”
SIMON: “No Mis.”

Pari nakarinig ng sigaw sa palengke na, “Alleluyah Alleluyah!”
PARI: “Bakit ka sumisigaw ng Alleluyah, eh wala ka naman sa simbahan?”   
MARKET VENDOR: “Syempre nag titinda ako ng luya, kaya sigaw ko “Ale Luya, Ale Luya,” ale bili na kayo ng luya!”

According to the Tax Management Association of the Philippines, Filipinos pay the highest taxes in Southeast Asia. The same study revealed the Filipino politicians were in the happiest in the region.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Not all goodbyes are sad. Example: “Goodbye, class”

Thursday Humor 09.04.14

csi 

JINGGOY: “Pa, how do you face your problem?”
ERAP: “l do not boobs it!”
JINGGOY: “Anong I do not boobs it?”
ERAP: “In tagalog, HINDI KO DINIDIBDIB!” Ang bobo mo!”

QUESTION: How does a pickpocket fall in love?
ANASWER: At PURSE sight.

MISIS: “Inday, magluto ka ng marami mamaya. Dadating ang mga amiga ko.”
INDAY: “Yes, mam! Anong klase ng luto ang gusto nyo. Iyong babalik pa sila o iyong hindi na?”

Bakit mas mahal ng Diyos ang mga lalaki kaysa babae?
Kasi ang lalaki, pinabaunan na Niya ng hotdog, may kasama pang dalawang itlog. Samantala ang babae, daing lang ang pinabaon Niya, hinati pa?

Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart, so wear a smile wherever you are. Just don’t smile nang nag-iisa ka, iba na ‘yun, baka may makahalata!

GUY: “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”
GAL: “You just want to have sex with me.”
GUY: “And you’re smart too, I like that.”

MARRIAGE is like a comfort room. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out.

HUSBAND: (suspicious) “Ang ganda ng necklace mo ah! Di ko yata maalalang binigyan kita niyan!”
WIFE: “Ah ito? Napulot ko ito sa kotse mo kagabi!”

A report indicated Viagra can cause temporary hearing loss in men. So, guys, you can have sex, but you can’t hear the woman talk afterwards. In a related story, Viagra sales have skyrocketed.

Kapag pinadalhan mo ako ng text message para mo na rin akong binigyan ng piso. Kaya kapag pinadalhan mo ako ng isang milyon na text, huwag mo na lang ituloy, perahin mo na lang!

People say LOVE is the best feeling. But I think finding a toilet when you are having diarrhea is better.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Hindi lahat ng taong nagpapakatanga sa pag-ibig, nagtatagumpay.”