HUSBAND: “Nakakainis naman ang pinanood kong boxing! Hindi pa natapos ang 1st round knock out kaagad ang kalaban! Bad trip talaga!”
WIFE: “Ngayon! Naiintindihan mo na kung bakit lagi akong bad trip!”
A young man was standing in the middle of the street shouting, “Call me a doctor! Call me a doctor!”
A passer-by stopped and asked, “Are you feeling sick?”
The young man happily said, “No, I just passed the physicians licensure exam.”
MARIA: “JET ka ba?”
JUAN: “Bakit, dahil mabilis ako sa panliligaw sayo?”
MARIA: “Hindi, kapag dumadaan ka kasi, naiiwan ang GUHIT ng amoy mo! Yakk!”
They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it’s true.
As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.
LALAKE: “grabe, ang saya nung party natin kagabi, lasing lahat tayo!”
BABAE: “Uy, hindi ako lasing ha!”
LALAKE: “Hindi lasing? Eh bini-bj mo yung bote ng alak kagabi!”
“Never chase women. Chase your dreams, then women will follow.”
Sa Pilipino, “Magpayaman ka muna, para habulin ka ng mga babaeng mukhang pera.”
BABALA PARA SA KALALAKIHAN:
Huwag niyong isama ang asawa o girlfriend niyo kung manunuod kayo ng “THE LEGAL WIFE,” Kung ayaw niyong mag ka giyera!
Tandaan, Huwag kalimutan magsuot ng armor protector, kung hindi niyo susundin ang babalang ito.
Janet Lim Napoles, through her lawyer, Bruce Rivera, apologized to JV Ejercito for including his name on the “Napoles List.”
When will she apologized to the Filipino people for stealing their money?
A lesson in Logic..
It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize..
There is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
A man is dating a homeless woman and he’s afraid it’s getting serious…
She asked him to move out with her.
Tanong sa mga babaeng makapal ang make-up:
“Teh, buy one, take one ba watercolor ngayon sa Divisoria kaya ganyan kakapal ang make-up mo?”
A surgeon returned some books he borrowed from the library…
After checking the books, the librarian quips, “Sir, your books are always returned with the last page missing.”
The doctor replies, “I can’t stop myself from removing an appendix when ever I see one, be it in a person or a book!”
Tatlong lalake nagkuwentuhan.
BOY: “Ang naging anak ko dalawa lang.”
JIMBO: “Ako rin dalawa lang.”
MAR: “Ako naman marami.”
BOY: “Marami ba yun? Eh isa lang eh!”
MAR: “ISA kay Linda, Marie, Malou, Rose, Emy, Roxanne, Sally, Miriam, Kate at Senyang.”
WIFE: “The doctor has come to see you.”
HUSBAND: “Tell him that I am not feeling well and won’t be able to see anyone.”
TATAY: “Mag-aral ka nga duon! lagi ka na lang naka hilata diyan.”
ANAK: “Ano po mapapala ko?”
TATAY: “Tataas ang grades mo.”
TATAY: “Makakapunta ka ng kolehiyo.”
TATAY: “Makakakuha ka ng magandang trabaho.”
TATAY: “Yayaman ka.”
TATAY: “Magkakaroon ka ng mga kotse at babae.”
TATAY: “Makakapag relax ka na.”
ANAK: “Ano po ba ginagawa ko ngayon?”
** All of the above jokes courtesy of Mike B.
“Rule sa pag move-on, don’t communicate.”