Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle of Manila urges Catholics to wear “Huwag Kang Magnakaw” shirt this Holy Week. Some politicians took offense and vowed to wear “Huwag Kayong Tumanggap Ng Donation Mula Sa Amin” shirts.
At an airline ticket office:
MAn: “I would like a round trip ticket please.”
CLERK: “Where to, sir?”
GUY: “Back here, of course, I said round trip. “
Alam mo iyong tatanungin ka ng bisita niyo, “May CR kayo?”
Ang pinakamagandang sagot, “Wala, dumudumi lang kami sa damuhan!”
A balut vendor was dying in the hospital surrounded by his son, daughter, wife and nurse.
BALUT VENDOR: “To you my son, I leave the houses in Antipolo. To you my daughter, I leave the apartments in QC. To you my beloved wife, I leave all the condos in Quezon city.”
NURSE: “Wow, I am impressed. You are all so lucky to inherit so much!”
WIFE: “Manahimik ka. Rota niya sa pagtitinda ng balut ang mga lugar na yan. Diyan kami maglalako.”
SOLDIER1: “What made you go into the army?”
SOLDIER2: “I had no wife and I love war. What about you?”
SOLDIER1: “Well, I had a wife and love peace.”
Gusto din namin ang bituin…
Iyong bituin your legs!
A guy told a friend, “My wife drives me to drink.”
The friend remarks, “You’re certainly lucky! I have to walk!
Two passengers on a ship are talking. “Can you swim?” asks one.
“No,” says the other, “but I can shout for help in nine languages!”
Bago kayo mag 70, kailangan niyo munang mag-69.
What animal can you compare with your penis?
JAPANESE: “Lion ‘coz its strong!”
AMERICAN: “Giraffe ‘coz its long!”
GERMAN: “Elephant ‘coz its so big!”
PIN0Y: “Rat ..’coz it goes from hole to hole!”
**All of the above SMS jokes courtesy of MIKE.
“Hindi lahat ng blooming, inlove. Yung iba sa wakas naka MOVE-ON na.”