SMS Jokes 52

February 9th, 2010

Some say dat as women grow older, dey begin to live a PIOUS life. Andyan ung PIOUS ng eyes, PIOUS ng lips, PIOUS ng boobs, PIOUS ng nose……puro PIOUS ng PIOUS!

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

oOo

Apatan – foursome;
tatluhan – threesome;
dalawahan -twosome;
e kung mag-isa lng?
E di “hand” some!

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

oOo

Sa pagdaan ko sa daan ng buhay, alam ko na hindi ako matitisod sa mga lubak na aking tatahakin. Dahil sa isang katulad mo na minamahal ko ng lubos, alam kong di mo hahayaang matisod ako dahil sasabihin mo sa kin na, “May hump, may hump, may hump, may hump, may hump. Check it out!

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

oOo

d0n’t ever believe that LAUGHING..
has always been the best medicine.

‘coz as far as i know..
ang baliw kahit anung tawa hindi gumagaling…

SMS joke courtesy of Grashiela

oOo

DISADVANTAGES ng COMMITTED sa Araw ng Puso:
FLOWERS: P700
CHOCOLATES: P800, alangan namang Choconut ang ibigay mo
DINNER: P5,000 medyo sosyal
SINE: P600 pati snacks
REGALO: At least P2,000
SOGO: P400, 3 hours, understood na yun!

At higit sa lahat, P100,000 s LABOR & DELIVERY pagkatapos ng araw na yun!

oOo

Bakit nga ba vertical ang hati ng vagina?
Dapat lang noh?
Kasi kung horizontal sasara ito pagbukas ng legs!
O, in-imagine mo pa!

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Fuckage

February 7th, 2010

Pansin na ni  Kups ang pagiging internet-aficionada ko, kung gaano ako ka-adik sa pag o-online, at kung gaano ko kamahal ang blog ko.

Ewan ko kung matatawag ba akong isang techie rin kahit mapurol ang utak ko sa pag intindi ng specs ng isang gadget, pero siguro napapansin na rin ni Kups ang MEJO (mejo lang naman) pagkahilig ko sa gadgets lalo na kung ‘to ay ibinibigay sa akin ng —- LIBRE! Lol! Kaya naman last week, buy ang jowa ko ng mga dagdag gamit ko para sa bisyong kina-aadikan ko.

Well, yan din naman kinabibilib ko sa mahal ko….basta sa ikasisiya ko o ng mga anak ko eh …andiyan sya para sumuporta para sa mga kailangan ko (minsan yung iba parang kapritso na nga eh).

Nai-blog ko ang tungkol sa portable hard disk at wireless mouse DITO. Howel, the other day, dumating na rin ang FUCKAGE ko galing kay Kups! Woohooo!

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At ang mga laman:

1. Western Digital My Passport Elite HD

Just the exact stuff that I wanted!

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Peborit ko talaga ang RED color. Ginudtaym pa ako ng mokong, sabi nya walang abelabol na red color at black lang daw ang meron. I said OK lang, kulay lang naman yun.

Kaya naman ang lakas ng tawa ko ng buksan ko ang laman!

“nakngkeps! Ginudtaym ako a!”

Pula nga!

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I just needed a 320GB HD. Ok na ako sa 320GB kasi malaki na rin yun, pero 500GB ang ipinadala sa akin.

Hays… plus 100 pogi-points na naman sa akin ang Kups ko.

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Eto gusto ko, may USB dock sya.

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Pero pwedeng deretso na rin salpak ang USB sa PC kung walang dock.

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So liit talaga. Mas malaki pa nga ang sukat ng passport ko kung ipagtatabi sila.

Ganito talaga ang trip ko… dahil sa liit ay pwedeng-pwede isuksok kahit sa panty ko.

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Walang kasama na pouch yung HD sa box. Ibang gastos ang black pouch na yan. Lol!

Alam ni Kups ang kaartehan/kalandian ng isang babae…kaya sinamahan na rin nya ng HD pouch ang fuckage.

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Eyelovit!

Cool!

2. LOGITECH Wireless Mouse

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My very first 6-digit worth of pesos mouse, kasama na dun ang decimal point at centavos. Lol!

Eto naman ang shushal kong mouse! Naku! Mahalia Jackson yan! Bwahaha! Nakita ko ang presyo sa internet at hindi ko sya afford kung ako mismo ang bibili.

iPoor ako divah!

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May kasamang libre na mouse pouch, mga ateng!

Lumelevel-up na talaga ako. Lol! Now lang naman kasi ako nagkaroon ng ganito. :D

Kung dati tig-150 petot lang ang mouse na napipindot ng mga daliri ko, abah, ibahin nyo ang alindog ko ngayon!

Hayaan nyo na ako magyabang, ngayon lang may nang i-spoil kay Mamaru. Mababaw lang talaga kasiyahan ko. (Mababaw daw o!)

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Yung size naman ng USB receiver ang habol ko dito. NANO yata ang tawag nila dito, short for Unano siguro. :P

Ganda talaga ng mouse ko. Hahaha! At inulit pa!

Sa katulad kong sanay lang sa mga mumurahing gamit, eh hindi ko maiwasan ang mapatigil muna ako. Aktwali, hindi ko muna sya ginamit at pinakatitigan ko lang muna sya.

At nang maka-rekober sa katinuan….

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ZUMA Revenge. Nasa level 52 na ako noon nang bumigay ang chipangga kong mouse.

Ayun! Imbes na mag-blog, naglaro agad ng ZUMA Revenge! Pucha, tagal ko kaya hindi nakapag-zuma mula noong bumigay na ang mumu kong mouse!

Kups, kung nagbabasa ka ng blog ko…MARAMING SALAMAT! Alam ko nag obertaym ka sa pagko-kolboy mo para mabili mo ang mga ‘to! Joke!

Sayang at nasa malayo ka dahil kung siguro malapit-lapit ka lang at andito ka sa bahay ko…malamang isang araw kitang ikinulong sa kwarto ko! Wag kang matakot…isasalya lang naman kita sa kama at kubababawan! Mwehehe!

Sus, bakit ba! Siempre, my Kups makes the money, therefore he deserve to get all the honey! Tama ba ako? Oo naman! Bakit tama ako? Dahil sinabi ko! Lol!

Pang-Valentines, Para Maiba Naman

February 7th, 2010

Basta mga last week lang yun nang bigla ko na-miss ang Kups ko.

So, nagpadala ako ng SMS sa kanya at siempre sweet-sweetan ang Mamaru sa text nya sa boyplen.

Sabi ko nga dun sa text ko “hamisyu” and I am wondering kung ano ang kulay ng suot nyang brip sa araw na yun.

Siempre natawa si Kups nung nabasa ang kalandian ko and later on he told me that…puti nga daw ang color ng suot nyang brip/boxer……na may design na Hello Kitty!

Pucha! Natawa ako dun ha! Kasi alam nyo ba kung ano agad ang na-imagine ko dun sa sinabi nya? ETO!

hello_kitty_boxers_cWahihi! Ang kyut-kyut!

Tamang-tama…malapit na ang balentayms. Ano kaya kung ganitong brip ang ibigay ko kay Kups sa araw ng mga pussy puso? Baka kasi marami na syang collections ng Hello Kitty brips. Ganito naman, para maiba naman.

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O di ba, swak na swak! Talagang My Funny Valentine talaga ang arrive!

O eto pa, mga ineng. Bigyan ko na rin kayo ng gift idea para sa mga geeky nyong boypren. Bagay to sa mga taga-IT! Sabi ko nga, para maiba naman.

circuitboardunderwearElectrifying!

SMS Jokes 51

February 5th, 2010

What is “shock?”
Shock is when a guy is having sex with his pregnant wife and little hands grab his penis and said, “Daddy! Huyi ka!”

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Tips Sa Pagpasok Sa Motel:

1. Itanong sa roomboy kung may hidden camera ang mga rooms. Kung wala, ok, safe ka.
2. Pagpasok mo sa room wala ka nang kaba, kaya ma eenjoy mo bed nila.

3. But to be sure takpan mo ang mukha mo para sure na di ka makuhanan.

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It hurts so much to be rejected by someone u really love, to be left alone by someone u really care for…..pero alam mo ba kung ano ang pinakamasakit? Yun bang bihis na bihis ka na tapos di ka naman pala kasama! :(

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For A Change

February 4th, 2010

The big day is fast approaching! I mean the Valentines Day.

Usually people choose roses when they send flowers to their dearest. Certainly, roses are the most classic.

However, for others who loves elegance but prefers something less traditional; why not give them tulips or pink lilies for a change?

Also, try to search the internet for more amazing deal of the day gift ideas where you do not have to spend a large amount of money to get your Valentine a meaningful gift.

Homemade Cleaner

February 4th, 2010

I believe that not all commercial or homemade cleaning products are created equal. For sinks (bathroom and kitchen), I usually prefer homemade cleaners like the popular baking soda solution. I like it because this cleaner removes spots and stains effectively.

Here’s how to make the solution: In a small measuring cup, mix two teaspoons of baking soda and fill the rest of the cup with warm water. Just allow the baking soda to dissolve and then dip a dampened sponge in the solution and proceed to clean the sink using small circular motions. Just don’t forget to rinse the sink thoroughly when you are finished cleaning.

Granite Tiles

February 4th, 2010

I made a mistake when I choose ordinary tiles be installed in my kitchen countertop years ago. It is so frustrating because although it is inexpensive, ordinary tiles easily chip or crack. Granite tile is actually a good choice for kitchen countertops because aside that it defines elegance, granite tile holds up to heat, it is durable and usually will last a lifetime.

SMS Jokes 50

February 4th, 2010

An old man was standing outside a shop wid a colleection box reading: “Pls help my dailysex.” His wife came up to him and said: “Pete, u’ve misspelled dyslexia again!”

SMS Jokes courtesy of KUPS

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Bakit ba sa L0VE daming motto?
like Love is blind
Love is all that matters
age doesn’t matter
kaw ano motto mo about love?
basta motto ko,
“if you Love someone, SEX them FREE

SMS joke courtesy of Grashiela

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Pumunta si Gorio sa Starbax…
Gorio: Isang kape nga!
Waiter: Sir, decaf po ba?
Gorio (galit): Aba syempre, alangan naman de plato!

SMS joke courtesy of Grashiela

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It Is Cordless

February 4th, 2010

There’s a saying that a picture may be worth a thousand words, but the details captured by ls4278 can be worth thousands of money or more to your business.

It is a cordless barcode scanner, so fast and easy that it will save you time and lighten your workload. So light and ultra-portable, it is very ideal for any retail or warehouse business. For more about the scanner, check out their website.

Just Be Healthy

February 4th, 2010

Want to save money? Well, nothing beats the best way to save money but to stay healthy.

Keep in mind that even in getting affordable term life insurance, your health will surely affect the rates of your policy.

One of the ways that you can stay healthy is to stop smoking or simply do not smoke. Remember, being healthy is one of the easiest ways to qualify for reasonable premiums.

Sayang Ang Datung

February 3rd, 2010

Napansin nyo ba na pagdating sa mga love songs…mas maraming kanta ang nako-compose tungkol sa mga warak-warak na pag-ibig o kaya tungkol sa mga durog-durog na puso?

Kadalasan ang meaning ng kanta ay tungkol sa kung paano ka naging proud sa pagiging tanga o martir mo sa iyong minamahal, kung paano ka naglaway na lang dun sa labidabs mong pagma-may ari na pala ng iba ang puso, etsetera, etsetera!

Eh kasi ganito yun (o ha! dunong-dunungan ang lola). Ang totoo nyan ay mas madali kasi mag-compose ng kanta, tula, o story  pag heartbroken ka o kaya depres-depresan ang mood mo. Pag mas todo-emote o senti ka, mas maganda!

Parang blogging din yan. Ewan ko ba, mas madali akong makapag-blog pag medyo depress ako. Or maybe it’s just me. :(

Gaya ngayon, eto… kaya wala akong maisip na mai-blog agad dahil sa HAPPY ako at hindi DEPRESS. Hehe!  Ano ang konek?

Ibig kong sabihin, if for example you’re a song writer slash composer slash artist, when you’re happy, usually the last thing you want to do is sit down and grab a guitar. If you’re in happy mood, normally you want to go out and celebrate! But  when you’re heartbroken, parang it makes sense to turn off the lights, mag-emote and go to the piano.  Matindi ang arrive ng composition kasi nanggagaling talaga sa kasulok-sulukan ng puso eh. Definitely, heartbreak tends to be the more inspiring emotional state.

Eh parang ganun din sa blogging. Mas buhos ang loob mong magsulat pag mejo may kirot kang nararamdaman sa puso mo. Kaya pansinin mo minsan, pag ang blogger ay nai-inlab…andun yung napapabayaan na ang site nila at tuluyang inaabandona ang pagbo-blog. Pero dehins ko nilalahat ha?

Inaamin ko, masaya ako ngayon lalo na sa lablayp ko. Wala akong mai-reklamo kay Kups sa labs nya sa akin at sa pamilya ko. Such an extraordinary man indeed!

Pero – kahit madalas ay nasa alapaap ako ngayon, kahit  medyo naba-blangko ang utak ko na parang akong bangag at high na high sa pagiging lab adik…hinding-hindi ko pwede pabayaan ‘tong blog ko! Alam mo ba kung bakit?

Kasi sayang ang datung eh! Wahaha!

Quote of the Day:

“For those passionately in love, the whole world seems to smile.” – David Myers

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Laptop o Tsinelas

February 3rd, 2010

Malapit na ang berdey ng unico hijo kong si Kevin. Kaya nagtanong ang nanay:

MARU: Ano gusto mong gips sa berdey mo?
KEVIN: (walang kagatol-gatol) Laptop.
MARU: (nanlaki ang mata) Huh!
KEVIN: Pero kung magkukuripot ka…bili mo na lang ako ng tsinelas.
MARU: mwehehehe!

Maya-maya pa, pinatawag si Kevin ng tatay-tatayan nya (sino fah kundi si Kups) at nag-usap ang dalawa sa Skype.

itutuloy…

SMS Jokes 49

February 2nd, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Latest survey results show Noynoy still no. 1, followed by James, Baby James, Josh & Boy Abünda as the top 5 men most obedient to Kris Aquino! :P

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Gordon-Fernando team for all ladies nationwide.
Why? Kasi may Dick na, may BF pa!

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BOY: kandila ka ba?
GIRL: hindi, bakit?
BOY: kasi ang ganda mo sa madilim, kaya sa dilim ka na lang!
GIRL: ikaw? kandila ka ba?
BOY: hindi, bakit?
GIRL: hipan sana kita para mamatay ka na!

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Q and A

January 31st, 2010

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN’S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It’s Braille for ’suck here’.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It’s the same as a French kiss, but ‘down under.’

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don’t have any balls to scratch…

**BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Q: What is a man’s Ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

**NOMINATED AS THE WORLD’S BEST SHORT JOKE
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
Mom’, he asked, ‘Are these my brains?’
Not yet,‘ she replied.

Funny Wedding Pics

January 31st, 2010

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47

9

21

38

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SMS Jokes 48

January 30th, 2010

Fill in the blanks:
1.BOO_S?
2. _ _NDOM?
3.F_ _ K?
4.P_ N_S?
5.PU_S_?

Answers:
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE

May ù have a cleaner mind. Bastos!

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JUAN: Father, nagnakaw po ako ng Nike at Rockford shoes…
PARI: Ssshh…
May size 8 ba?

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Mga Signs Ur Pandesal & Other Bakery Products Have Shrunk:

1. Ur usual 15 minute breakfast is reduced to 5 minutes.
2. Brazo Mercedes is renamed ‘Daliri ni Mercedes.’
3. Ur small daugter boasts of a new learned stunt from her yaya: “ang paglunok ng 3 pirasong tinapay nang sabay-sabay.”
4. When U go to the bakery and say, “pabili nga po ng pandesal,” & the baker would reply, “Ilang tabletas?”

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Eye Protection

January 30th, 2010

sunglasses Since I am not blessed with perfect vision, my eye doctor advised me not to forget to wear sunglasses or simply always get something that will protect my eyes from sunlight whenever I go out.

In this day and age, because of the huge choices of sunglasses styles, prices and features, sometimes the selection on which pair is the best for us is becoming the hardest part in buying the stuff.

Well, I have learned that there are three big things that we should look in a pair of sunglasses? First, the good eye protection, it must provide us protection from ultraviolet (UV) radiation. Second the comfort,. Third, the style. We must bear in mind that sunglasses do not have to be expensive to be effective.