A sexy girl looks at the beer belly of a guy and asks, "Is that Carlsberg or Budwieser?"
He replied, "There’s a tap beneath it. Why don’t you taste it yourself?"
"Ang MANI daw nakaka-pimples..
Eh gabi-gabi naman akong kumakain ng MANI, eh hindi naman."
The Wife’s Power..
POLICEMAN: “I arrest people, but when I go home, I’m under house arrest, by wife.”
PROFESSOR: “I give lectures to students, but when I go home, I get lectured hourly by wife.”
CEO: “I’m the boss, but when I go home, I always feel like an employee of the wife.”
JUDGE: “I give justice, but when I go home, I beg justice from the wife.”
Tatlong dahilan kung bakit nauubos ang pera mo:
2. Pagkain pa
3. Maraming pagkain
In a recent sermon, Pope Francis said corrupt people must be tied to a rock and thrown into the sea. Tanda, Pogi and Sexy issued a joint statement saying they are good swimmers.
Anne Klein is having a 50% off Bra Sale…
Too bad, Men like Bras that’s 100% Off!
BABAE: “Ano sa tagalog nang panty?”
BABAE: “Eh pag laspag na yung guhit?”
LALAKE: “Salungchicharong bulaklak.”
One day, an army sargeant came home and said to his wife, "Everything has changed in the army. We are free to follow the orders of our officers and we can discuss the matter with them." His wife answered, "That is the army. Here at home, none of that. Get up and wash the dishes!"
Nag-blind date sina Totoy at Neneng sa isang liblib na lugar sa labas ng maynila. Naka-park ang kotse ni Totoy sa isang madilim at madamong lugar. Naghahalikan ang dalawa nang pigilan ni Neneng si Totoy.
NENENG: “Nakalimutan kong sabihin kanina ng dati akong prosti at ang singil ko sa isang gabing sex ay 500 pesos.”
TOTOY: “Walang problema! Eto ang 500!”
Nag-sex sila, nanigarilyo pagkatapos nang walang anu-ano’y may napansin si Neneng.
NENENG: “Bakit di pa tayo umalis dito?”
TOTOY: “Nakalimutan kong sabihin sayo kanina na dati akong taxi driver at ang singil pabalik sa Maynila ay isang libo!”
In the courtroom..
"Why did you shoot the victim?"
"He slept with my wife!"
"And you wanted to kill a person just because you have the same taste?"
BOY: “Baby, umutot ka ba?”
GIRL: “Hindi ah!”
BOY: “Hindi daw, umutot ka eh..”
GIRL: “Hindi nga!”
BOY: “Hala, baby, umutot ka eh, halatang-halata, iniipit mo.”
GIRL: “Oo na! umutot na ako. Hindi ka makuha sa isang tingin? ang dami-daming tao, tapos ang lakas pa ng boses mo. Hindi mo ba alam yung nakakahìya??? Break na tayo!”
A man’s girlfriend was given some new potent sleeping pills and now she is asking her doctor why her ass always hurts when she takes them.
BOY: “Si Yolanda ka ba?”
GIRL: “Ha? Bakit!”
BOY: “Kasi gusto ko magpasama.”
BOY: “Sa Sogo. Kasi gusto kita makasama. Yung taYOLANDAlawa.”
At a U. N. meeting, the American ambassador turned to the Japanese ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?"
The Japanese ambassador blushed and whispered, "Before bleakfast."
"SHE FEEL YOU – Ito ang ginagamit mo sa pagtotoothbrush."
**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.
“Hindi lahat ng babae gusto ng lalaking gwapo, yung iba gusto lang ng seryoso.”