Nanay Na Tatay

Sino naman ang mag-aakalang may makakaalala sa akin para i-greet din ako ng HAPPY FATHER’s DAY last Sunday?

Simpleng text sa akin at private message lang ‘to sa FB pero  - TOUCH ako.

Hindi ko inaasahan na may mga friendlalu pa pala ako na makakaisip na i-appreciate at magbibigay ng simpleng papugay sa masalimuot na buhay ng pagiging Nanay na Tatay o Single Parent ko.

Eh kasi di ba, isa ako sa mga milyon-milyon na babaeng ginagawa din ang lahat na kembot at tambling sa buhay para lang magampanan ang papel ng isang Padre De Pamilya sa mga anak. Kaya dapat lang talaga na isingit na rin ang mga single moms tuwing Father’s Day. :P

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Maraming Salamat, Roderick and Raul! :D

Sila ang mga online friends ko at swerte ako kasi na ma-meet ko rin sila in person noon.

Walang kakupas-kupas ang dalawang ‘to sa pagiging THOUGHTFUL.  Love you, guys!

 

Posted from WordPress for Android

 

 

oOo

“Your life is an inspiration to someone, so be proud of it.”

Tuesday Humor 06.18.13

proxy "Alam ko day off ko ngayon, pero bakit gan’un?
Maaga pa rin ako’ng nagising. Tapos pagpunta ko sa batalan, una ko pa ring inabot ang labada sa halip na batong panghilod. At nang madaan ako sa kusina, nagprito agad ako ng itlog, walang isipan. At higit sa lahat, ngayong bihis na ako at nasa labas na, hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta!
Di na ako marunong mag-day off!!!"
~ Isang tatay sa araw ng mga tatay.

Yung ibang babae pag tinanong mo kung ano ang hanap sa isang lalake, ito ang isasagot:
Gwapo
Mabait
Masarap kasama
Maalalahanin
Maalaga
At ang ibang kahulugan nito para sa iba..
Gwapo (may kotse)
Mabait (mapera at galante)
Masarap kasama (masarap sa kama)
Maalalahanin (mas uunahin at pipiliin siya sa lahat kahit mali na ito)
Maalaga (malaki ang alaga)

A six year old girl came home after her first family planning lesson in school. Her mother was interested to know what she learned.
MOTHER: "How did it go?"
GIRL: "I died of shame!"
MOTHER: "Why?"
GIRL: "Maria from down the road said that stork bring babies. Juan next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage."
MOTHER: (laughs) "But that’s no reason to be ashamed?"
GIRL: "No, but I can’t tell them that we were so poor that daddy had to screw you to make me!"

Continue reading

Monday Humor 06.17.13

bayad muna

SAD STORY:
"Isang araw. Nagtxt ako sa mahal ko. Nag away kami sa text.
Sa sobrang inis ko, binato ko sa pader yung cp. Wasak na wasak!
Tapos nung lumabas yung sim, inapak-apakan ko pa!
Grabe! Umiyak yung katabi ko.
Nakalimutan ko.

Naki-TEXT lang pala ako."

JUNIOR: "Tay, bakit po may babae at lalake?"
TATAY: "Kailangan kasi ang di parehong kasarian para magkaroon ng anak at dumami ang isang species."
JUNIOR: "Tay, bakit hiwalay ng banyo ang mga babae at lalake sa mall?"
TATAY: "Kasi pribado ang ginagawa sa banyo. hindi dapat masilip ng isa’t isa ang pribadong bagay."
JUNIOR: "Tay, pwede po ba ako magbanyo sa mga babae?"
TATAY: "Hindi anak!"
JUNIOR: "Bakit hindi? eh nakikita ko yung ibang nanay kasama ang mga anak na lalake sa banyo ng babae."
TATAY: "Kasi trenta ka na, hinayupak ka!"

LOLO: "Sabi mo tinutukan ka ng gagong tambay sa kanto tapos kinuha yung pera mo na nakatago sa panty mo?"
LOLA: "Oo.."
LOLO: "Bakit di ka man lang pumalag?"
LOLA: "Hindi ko naman akalain na pera lang ang gusto niya ehh…"

Warning:
If a woman’s legs open up faster than Google’s homepage,
she’s not girlfriend material.

Sa jipney..
NGONGO: "Mama, mara na lang mo sa nganto!"
(hindi pinansin ng drayber)
NGONGO: "Mamong, langpash na ango, mangimara lang sa tami."
(drayber tuloy pa rin sa pagmamaneho)
NGONGO: "Mamong ano ma? Saming mara sha tami eh!"
(ipinara ng drayber at bumaba ang ngongo)
PASAHERO: "Manong, bakit sa malayo niyo ipinara yung jeep? Kawawa naman yung ngongo ang layo ng lalakarin pabalik!"
DRAYBER: "Mamuti nga sha nganya, ngasi niloloko niya ango eh!!"

A small boy, seeing a female cat in a lawn sleeping, told a friend, "I heard my Big Brother tell his buddy that he’s actually eaten one of those creatures."

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words "complete" and "finished" in a way that’s so easy to understand…
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED, but there is:
When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE… And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are… COMPLETELY FINISHED!

NOON: mahilig ka magpaluto ng hotdog
NGAYON: Kahit hotdog na hilaw subo agad pati itlog.

Why are ladies better at catwalk than men?
Because there is nothing between the legs to get SQUEEZED.

A man shouted to his wife in anger, "My heart says I must cut you into pieces…"
A neighbor heard and said, "Please throw the tits into my house!"

At a car auction, people started the bidding:
"100 thousand"
"200 thousand"
"350 thousand"
"400 thousand"
"500 thousand"
A man came late and asked, "What’s so special about this car?"
The car owner replied, "This car has a record of 29 accidents and in each and every one of them only the wife dies!"

Lesbians are..
Two selfish women who can’t stand see a man happy. :D

A short, sweet and meaningful answer..
GIRL: "Hey! How are you doing these days?"
GUY: "By Hand!"

 

** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

“When you fall in love, fall completely. Don’t hold back.”

Friday Humor 06.14.13

men

Magshota na nonood ng NBA finals.
BF: "Go Spurs go!"
GF: "Let’s go Heat!"
BF: "Spurs!"
GF: "Bakit Spurs?"
BF: "Kasi na Love at SPURSight ako sayo!"
GF: "MIAMI HEAT!"
BF: "Bakit Miami?"
GF: "Kasi kahit MIAMI diyang iba, ikaw pa rin ang HEATinitibok ng puso ko."
(at dumeretso na sila sa kuwarto)

A young man telling his girlfriend:
"I don’t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to ‘Single.’
I fight with my parents but you don’t see me change my status to ‘ORPHAN.’"

GURO: "Bakit di ka nagsusulat?"
JUAN: "Mam, wala po akong ballpen!"
GURO: "Na naman? Eh paano na nakakapasok na walang ballpen?"
JUAN: "Eh di sumakay ho sa jeep!"

Nothing to do and bored? Try these:
1. When cash comes out of the ATM, scream,"I won! I won!"
2. Hire two private investigators. Get them to follow each other.
3. Get into a crowed elevator and say, "I bet you’re all wondering why I gathered you here today."
4. Wear a shirt that says "LIFE." Hand out lemons on a street corner.
5. Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say, "Help! I’ve been turned into a parrot."
6. Have a doctor’s name plate made and change last name to Acula.

Humingal kabayo at lawit-dilang parang aso si Ernesto pagdating sa 5th floor ng klinika ng isang doktor.
ERNESTO: "Dok, ano ba ang gagawin ko para bumuti ang pakiramdam ko?"
LALAKE: "Magdiyeta ka para mabawasan ang taba mo. Tumigil ka sa paninigarilyo at paginom, tapos pumunta ka sa optiko."
ERNESTO: "Optiko? Bakit ho?"
LALAKE: "Para mabasa mo ang karatula ng pinto. Arkitekto ako eh! Yung klinika ng doktor nasa 1st floor."

A woman dropped her purse so a man quickly followed her. As he was about to tap her shoulder, she started running for a bus and boarded it. So he got on the bus too. As he walked to the back of the bus, he breathlessly told her, "You dropped your purse outside McDonald’s."
"Thank you so much," the lady said. "Where is it?"
The man replied, "I’ve just told you, outside McDonald’s."

A manager of a large company saw a new employee and asked him to come into his office.
MANAGER: "What’s your name?
EMPLOYEE: "John.
MANAGER: (scowling) "Look… I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name, for it breeds familiarity that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my people by their last name. Now that we got that straight, what’s your last name?"
EMPLOYEE: (sighing) "Darling. My name is John Darling."
MANAGER:" Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you…"

Isang lalake nangumpisal.
LALAKE: "Pader, patawarin po niyo ako sa aking mga kasalanan."
PARI: "Sige, hijo, sabihin ang mga kasalanan mo."
LALAKE: "Lahat po ng babae sa parokya natin nakasiping ko."
PARI: Sige sabihin mo sakin kung sino-sino sila."
LALAKE: Nakakahiya po pader."
PARI: Sige ako magsasabi ng mga pangalan nila at ikaw na lang ang tumugon!"
LALAKE: "Ok po."
PARI: "Jennelyn?"
LALAKE: "Ehem!"
PARI: "Joyce?"
LALAKE: Ehem!"
PARI: "Sarah, ara, shaina, cristine, kat, rosalie?"
LALAKE: "Ehem!"
PARI: "Marami pala, bueno pinapatawad na kita. sino ang mga kapiling mo sa buhay?"
LALAKE: "Ang balo kong ina."
PARI: "Ano pangalan niya?"
LALAKE: "Maria po!"
PARI: "Ehem!!!"

A husband got into a bus with his pregnant wife. A man at the front refused to give up his seat for her. "Friend, give the lady a seat, she’s pregnant," the husband said.
The seated man gave him a blank stare so he grabbed his arms and dragged him out of it.
His wife shouted in anger, "Don’t be a daft, honey, and put the poor man back in his wheelchair!!"

A Drinker’s Plaint:
"I drink to drown my problems…
unfortunately,
problems are damn good swimmers!!!"

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE

 

oOo

“Sa panahon ngayon, mas tumatagal pa ang UTANG kaysa RELASYON.”

Thursday Humor 06.13.13

943487_518128508254479_564340694_n

LALAKE: "Miss, ang KAGANDAHAN mo parang THESIS!"
BABAE: "Bakit?"
LALAKE: "Kailangan mo pang i-defend para mapatunayan mo."

First time na dinala ni BF si GF sa motel:
GF: "Bakit mo ko dinala rito?"
BF: "Dahil mahal kita at seryoso ako sa yo."
GF: "Di magandang dinala moko dito."
BF: "Pero pakakasalan naman kita."
GF: "Ayaw ko talaga dito eh."
BF: "Bakit? Dahil di mo ako mahal?"
GF: "Hindi. Dahil mahina aircon dito. May mga alam akong mas maganda na, mas mura pa."
LESSON: Hindi lang lalake ang malibog.

After mall shopping for most of the day, a couple finds their car stolen. They went to the police to make a report. A detective drives them back to the mall to see if any evidence was left at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned with a note on its windshield that reads, "I apologize for taking your car. I have to rush my wife to the hospital for an emergency. Here are two tickets for a musical concert tonight."
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attended the concert. Returning home, the found their house burglarized. Valuable things were taken. And again they found a note at the kitchen, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college, don’t I?"

Nagpriprito si Chiara ng itlog para sa almusal ng kanyang asawang si Juan. Paggising ni Juan, tumungo siya sa kusina para tingnan kung ano ang kakainin nila sa almusal.
JUAN: "Oh, mag-ingat ka! Naku andami naman niyan. Oh lagyan mo ng mantika. Naku baka masunog dalian mo, naku wala na tayong mantika, pano na yan! Mag-ingat ka! Naku nalagyan mo na ba ng asin, ingat lang, bilisan mo, baliw ka na ba masusunog na! Naku…"
CHIARA: (nainis) "Ano ba tinggin mo sakin di marunong magluto ng itlog?"
JUAN: "Gusto ko lang iparamdam sayo  ang nararamdaman ko pag nagmamaneho ako."

Si Juan ay bagong porter sa isang 5-star hotel.
MANAGER: "Here, we give each customer personalized service and you have to be observant so you know what they need before they ask."
Di pa tapos ang manager nang may dumating na mag-asawa. Kinuha niya ang bagahe at sinabi, "Welcome, Mr. & Mrs. Torres, it’s an honor to have you in our hotel."
Pagkatapos samahan ang mag-asawa sa reception desk, sabi ng manager kay Juan, "Look at the names on their baggage tags."
At may dumating muli na mag-asawa at inutusan ng manager si Juan na salubungin ito. Kinuha ni Juan ang bagahe at tiningnan ang pangalan at sinabi, "Welcome Mr. & Mrs. MADE IN CHINA! An honor to have you in our hotel…"

A wife has her portrait painted by a famous artist. She told the painter, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." The artist replied, "But you’re not wearing any of those jewelries."
"I know,"
she said, "but I’m in poor health and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die, he’ll marry her, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelries!"

May isang karpentero nag apply sa tableria para bodegero:
CHINESE: "Gusto ko magaling bodegero
KARPINTERO: "Magaling po ako
CHINESE: "Takpan mo mata mo at sabihin mo uri kahoy sa amoy lang
KARPINTERO: "Sige kabise."
Pinaamoy lahat ng uri ng kahoy at nasagot lahat. Sinundot chinese pwet niya at pinaamoy.
Ano kaya sinagot at natanggap ang karpintero?

A middle-aged couple finally learned how to send SMS on their mobile phones. The wife being a romantic at heart sent her husband a text while out of the house with a friend:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you."
The husband replied back, "I’m in the toilet. Please advise!"

Sumakay ang isang hubad na babae sa taxi ni Juan pero di pinaandar ni Juan ang taxi kundi tumitig lang sa babae.
BABAE: "Anong problema, ngayon ka lang nakakita ng hubad na babae?"
JUAN: "Wala akong pakialam sa katawan mo, nagtataka lang ako kung saan nakalagay yung pera mo, aba’y kelangan mo akong bayaran wala ng libre sa panahon ngayon!"

Don’t you love the tan lines that women get after sunbathing?
It’s almost like the Sun came down and highlighted all the important parts.

GUY: "Uy! 72 daw tayong lahat na sasama sa excursion."
GIRL: "Ha? Paano tayo magkakasya sa Van ko?"
GUY: "Madali lang yan, tatlo sila sa harapan. Tapos 69 tayo sa likod."
LESSON: Minsan kailangan din maging matalino sa MATH para makadiskarte.

Si Juan ay Grade 3 na sa elementary, umuwi galing sa school at nagsisigaw sa tuwa.
JUAN: "Itay! Nanalo ako ng pahabaan ng titi!"
TATAY: "Gago! Pa’no ka di mananalo, eh bente anyos ka na!"

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

“Mahirap magjoke sa taong matagal maka-gets. SLOW?!”

Wednesday Humor 06.12.13

boobies

Dear Jack n Jill,
Para kayong padded bra.
Tuwing nakikita namin ang chichiryang laman ng mga lalagyan niyo,
Nadi-disappoint kami
Kung hindi niyo rin naman pupunuin, wag niyo na lang lakihan yung supot.

NOON: Humihingi ka palagi sakin ng baon kong mani.
NGAYON: Mani mo na ang hinihingi ko.

NOON: Hotdog ang baon.
NGAYON: Hotdog na ang ibinabaon!

Hugh Hefner, 87 years old, has a 27 year old wife. Silvio Berlusconi, 77 years old, has a 27 year old girlfriend. Diego Maradona, 52 years old, has a 22 year old girlfriend.
LESSON: Don’t worry that you don’t have a girlfriend or wife, yours probably isn’t born yet.

Having carried his bride across the threshold, the groom said, "Let’s have a guessing game."
The bride was eager and said, "I love guessing games."
"Good,"
he said, "I’m going to the bar, you sit here and guess what time I’ll be home!"

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He Pasta away. Although we Cannoli do so much, he will forever be a Pizza history.
His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone Tomato.
Let’s send Olive our prayers to the family.

Our generation is messed up.
We have unprotected sex, but have protective casings for our mobile phones!

Thought of the Day:
Ang mga babaeng malandi ay parang carinderia,
bukas sa lahat ng
gustong KUMAIN.

MAURA: "Ang liit pa la ng suso mo Magda kapag wala kang bra!"
MAGDA: "Mapanglait ka ‘te? Eh transplant lang naman yang suso mo!"

BOY: “Dinner naman tayo.”
GIRL: “Di pwede.”
BOY: “Bakit?  Di ba break na kayo ng bf mo?”
GIRL: “Oo nga pero fresh pa eh.”
BOY: “Tapos?”
GIRL: “Gusto mo bang panakip butas ka lang?”
BOY: “Ok lang… basta ako pipili ng butas na tatakpan ko.”

What is the difference between Guilt and Shame?
It’s guilt to sleep with someone’s wife,
but,
it’s a shame to miss such opportunity.

Dear Math,

Wag mo nang ipahanap sakin yang X mo. Move on move on din pag may time!

PARE1: "Pare hanep yung GRO na binanatan ko kagabi."
PARE2: "Ang hilig mo talaga sa GRO noh?"
PARE1: "Sarap eh."
PARE2: "Ano ba ang kayang gawin ng GRO na hindi kayang gawin ng asawa o gf?"
PARE1: "Yung hindi ka awayin."
PARE2: "May point ka diyan!"

 

 

** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

“Nakakaganda kapag may totoong nagmamahal sayo."

Harley D.

Harley Davidson Last night, I was checking the Facebook account of a friend when the posted cool photos of his bike caught my eyes. I did not know that he is a biker. Out of curiosity, I chatted him and asked how it feels to own such kinds of bike, a bike known for its quality, image and uniqueness. I told him that I am a fan of this brand that whenever this motorcycle bike roll down the road, I can’t help, but turn my head to get a second glance. I am referring to the most famous bike in the biking world, Harley Davidson.

Harley bikes are not cheap. Any spare parts for harley davidson are not cheap. Any Harley Davidson, no matter what model, I know owning one is a realization of a lifelong dream to some.

Anyway, my friend said biking is a passion and it is passion that led him to acquire Harley.

40 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex and Relationships

40 things

Most women learn about men, love, sex and relationships the hard way. They walk down the highly traveled, worn out path of emotional scars, broken hearts, abuse, confusion, anger and sleepless nights. When it comes to learning the hard way, you can get to know a great deal about men, love, sex and relationships, but most women who have traveled that path will tell you, “The price is too high and the consequences and lingering effects are way to painful!” Smart women understand this irrefutable truth.

They know there is an easier less complicated way to obtain the vital information they need to know about the opposite sex. Ladies, these 40 nuggets of wisdom and sage advice will help set you on the right path to finding and experiencing true love. Share these life-saving truths with every woman you know. They will forever thank you!

1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

2. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!

3. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!

4. This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.

5. Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!

6. OK ladies; you’ve met this great guy, but he’s got a child or children for which he does not take care of, provide for or see to. Follow these instructions to the letter: urgently send him back to the mother(s) of his child(ren) and don’t look back. Don’t make the same mistake the mother(s) of his child(ren) did!

7. Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.

8. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!

9. Choose the wrong mate and you might as well have laid next to a boa constrictor or grabbed the ears of a raging mad pit bull. A smart woman learns how to choose her mate wisely!

10. Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit – don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!

11. Momma’s boys belong with only one type of woman; their moms! Ladies, these mothers and their sons will never cut their grotesque umbilical cord. Therefore, for your sake, leave them alone and just let them trot home to their mommies.

12. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.

13. Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of amoral women.

14. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women! Learn how to properly choose a mate before it’s too late! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

15. You wondering, “If I move in with him, is he going to marry me?” Answer: “Not likely!” Don’t believe it, take these two critical tests: (a). Ask any honorable man! And, (b). Examine the ever-growing list of disillusioned women who are begrudgingly waiting for their non-committal live-in lovers to pop the big question.

16. Do you keep attracting men who are dogs? Check the scent you’re putting out. Men who are dogs are attracted by scent!

17. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

18. If you don’t know what a misogynistic man is, take this time to check your dictionary. For your sake, sanity and safety, avoid these treacherous males at all costs.

19. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

20. If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies… those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!

21. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.

22. A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy love; DO NOT obtain this crucial information from dishonorable males or from angry bitter women.

23. If you choose to be with dishonorable males, pimps, players, thugs, ballers and shot callers, you have absolutely no right to complain when they torch your emotions, abuse you, leave you pregnant and alone, jeopardize your safety and otherwise harm or hurt you. Remember, you have freedom of choice and you chose to be with them!

24. When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!

25. OK; he wants or is demanding sex but you are not his wife. Write this down: There is no need to wonder, debate or contemplate: he DOES NOT honor or respect you!

26. Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!

27. Expecting a dishonorable male to do the honorable thing is like expecting piranhas not to devour you if you make the mistake of diving into their water.

28. You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!

29. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

30. Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!

31. Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.

32. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.

33. You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate… he IS NOT the one; leave him now!

34. Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.

35. When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn’t… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!

36. Everyone has skeletons in their closet? Wrong! Not everyone has skeletons in their closet. Don’t start putting any in yours!

37. There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.

38. Don’t deceive yourself, once you have sex with a man who is not your husband… he may never admit it, but he has lost a degree of respect for you. Don’t believe it? Ask any honorable man or virtuous woman.

39. The dismal cycle of breaking up and making up only works out in the romance novels, television shows and movies. If you are riding that emotional roller coaster get off right now! Your heart, mind and soul will forever thank you.

40. Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit!

 

**Source

 

oOo

“Never fall in love with anyone who thinks you are ordinary.”

 

Wednesday Monday 06.05.13

granny panty

Dalawang magshota sa Starbucks..
BOY: "Ang ganda mo talaga."
GIRL: "Hmmp… bakit ka nakatingin sa bubs ko?"
BOY: "Hindi ah, napayuko lang e."
GIRL: "Siguro bubs ko lang nagustuhan mo sakin."
BOY: "Hindi totoo yan."
GIRL: "Ano nagustuhan mo sakin?"
BOY: "Yung eyes mo."
GIRL: "Sige na, ano kulay ng contacts ko kahapon?"
BOY: "Dilaw."
GIRL: "Gago, bra ko kaya yun!"

Today’s Realities:
BOY: "I may not have expensive cars, houses, & may not be as rich as John, but I do love you & care for you."
GIRL, teary-eyed, hugged him tightly & whispered, "If you really love me.. introduce me to John!"

Ayon sa pananaliksik, kapag tumitig ka sa dede ng isang babaeng di mo kakilala sa loob ng 15 minutes, may posibilidad na magkaroon ka ng black eye.

QUESTION: Can a woman make you a millionaire?
ANSWER: Yes, but only if you are a billionaire!

Power of Math:
One day, a box can’t be opened..
Lawyer applied all laws but wasn’t able to open it.
Chemist came, applied all formulas but wasn’t able to open it..
Physician applied applied all force but wasn’t able to open it.
Then Mathematician said..
"Let us assume the box is open."

When a friend invited a man to go bungee jumping, he refused, saying, "I came into this world because of a broken rubber, I’m not leaving because of another one."

RICK: “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year, I’m going to do it a bit different. Three years ago, I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago, I went to Italy and Mary God pregnant. Last year, I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.”
MARK: “So what are you going to do this year?”
RICK: “I’ll take her with me!”

A Jeepney Sign:
The DRIVER is NOT
liable for anything
LOST inside this vehicle.
Including
VIRGINITY.

Pare1: "Pare, iniisip ko kung bakit hanggang ngayon magkaibigan pa rin tayo."
Pare2: "Ako din nagtataka, kasi isipin mo nakipagsex ako sa gf mo at ikaw nakipagsex din sa gf ko."
Pare1: "Pare, nakipagsek din ako sa tita mo."
Pare2: "Ok lang kasi nakipagsex naman ako sa nanay mo."
Pare1: "Ako din sa nanay mo kasama pa ate mo."
Pare2: "Ako sa bunso mo naman."
Pare1: "Pare, ako yung panganay na anak mo nakasex ko na din."
Pare2: "Pareho tayo, ako yung pangalawang anak mo naman."
PAALALA: Mga aso ang nag-uusap, hindi tao!

Lumabas si misis galing shower na nakasuot ng towel lang. Pumasok naman si mister sa c.r. para umihi. Biglang may nag doorbell at pinuntahahan ni misis kung sino. Pagbukas ni misis, nakatayo si Juan na kapitbahay nila.
JUAN: "Witwiwww! bigyan kita P10,000 pag tinanggal mo ang towel mo."
Di nagdalawang isip si misis at naghubad nga. Napalaway si Juan sa magandang katawan ni misis at umalis. Pagsarado ng pinto..
MISTER: "Sino yun?"
MISIS: "Ay si Juan napadaan lang."
MISTER: "Ay oo! binigay niya sayo yung P10,000 na bayad sa utang niya?"

"DONE SIR"  -  Sila yung mga taong marunong at mahilig sumayaw. DONE-SIR!

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

“You don’t really move on. You just get used to the pain until it hurts no more."