Corned Tuna Omelet

Ang cookin’ ni ina nyo for today ay…

Corned Tuna Omelet

  • 3 eggs
  • 1 small tin corned tuna
  • salt and pepper
  • onion leaves (optional)

Brekpas por wan lang ‘to. Plate Oo, kaya ko ubusin itey ng mag-isa.

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oOo

“Living in favorable and unfavorable conditions is called part of living. But smiling in all those situations, is called the art of living!”

Singkwenta Lahat

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Medya kilo OKRA        = P10.00
Medya kilo KAMATIS = P15.00
Medya kilo TALONG   = P10.00
2 piraso PIPINO           = P10.00
1 Bigkis KANGKONG  = P5.00
T O T A L                      P50.00

Nabawasan ng singkwenta petot ang kaban ng yaman ko nang mamalengke ako kanina.

Sumasakit ulo ko ngayon sa kai-esep kung ano pa ba ang ibang bibilhin ko? Ano pa ba ang kulang ko when I have almost everything en layp na.

Paano ko nga ba uubusin etong mga tagong yaman/milyones ko? Paanooo? Charoooot!

Punyemas! Makapag-almusal na nga muna.

Para akong nakadroga talaga mag isip pag hindi nakakapag-almusal.

Babush!

Monday Humor 05.02.16

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Reports say P-Noy has advised Sec. Mar Roxas to do something to improve his ratings in the presidential surveys. So, Mar petitioned a court to allow him to use the surname “Duterte!”

The inventor of the urinal deodorizer block passed away. Long may he rest in PISS.

An emergency room resident began his examination of an elderly man by asking, “What brought you to the hospital?” The old man replied, “An ambulance.”

“How many cups of coffee will this hold?” a man asked as he placed a large thermos on a coffee shop counter. “Six cups,” advised a crew member. “Fine,” replied the man. “Give me two cups regular, two cups black, and two with extra cream!”

Breaking News: Bading, biglang nangisay at nanigas nang makatikim ng tea tea.

Ang bagong alternatibo sa mga dating mahilig sa Milk Tea… Ang “BAT TEA.”

Hindi kami naniniwala sa teleserye na “Bridges of love.” Dahil ang true love nasa HAGDAN hindi sa TULAY!

Standing in front of the mirror the wife said, “I am not fat, you wouldn’t call me fat, would you?” Her husband replied, “Of course not darling. Delusional, but never fat.”

WIFE: “Truth or dare?”

HUSBAND: “Truth.”

WIFE: “So tell me, do I look fat in this dress?”

HUSBAND: “Woah, woah, woah! This is not fair.. I said truth not dare!’

Sinabi ng misis sa mister, “Babe, nag-ahit ako, alam mo ba ibig sabihin nun?” at kumindat pa si misis. “Tangina,” sagot ng mister kay misis, “Hah? Barado na naman ang banyo?”

As I stood swaying at the British Airways ticket counter, the sales agent asked, “May I help you, sir?” “Yes,” I slurred as I unzipped my Superman costume to get my wallet, “one way ticket to Amsterdam please.” “You’re unable to fly, sir,” he replied. “You’re too drunk.” I said, “I know, mate, that’s why I’m getting a plane.”

BOSS: “I think you’re not too bright at all. But you have come early to work for the past two years. You deserve a reward. “

EMPLOYEE: “Thanks, boss! What’s my reward then? “

BOSS: “How does a brand new car sound? “

EMPLOYEE: “Vroom, vroom…”

 

oOo

“Don’t be a woman that needs a man… Be a woman a man needs!”

Tuesday Humor 04.12.16

At a press forum…
REPORTER: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
BINAY: “In a house.”
REPORTER: “Vacation?”
BINAY: “House arrest!”

A wife stormed into a pub and as her husband and the boys were downing Tequila.
“You’re coming home now!” she screamed.
No, I’m not,” he laughed.
She said, “I’m talking to the kids!”

Parang patungo na sa Hunger Games ang magiging format ng eleksyon…
Hamon here. Hamon there.

INTERVIEWER: “Why did you leave your previous job?”
APPLICANT: “Because once they fire you, they won’t let you stay!”

In an apparent dig at Senator Grace Poe, Vice President Jejomar Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.” Which begs the question, “Why did you let Nancy run?”

Pintas:
Yung boobs mo parang advertisement ng burger ng McDo…
Sa picture lang malaki.

At midnight… wife’s mobile phone beeps.
Husband checks it & gets angry. He wakes his wife up.
HUSBAND: (angry) “Who is this person saying “beautiful”?”
Surprised, wife checks her mobile phone.
WIFE: (very angry) “Hey! Use your magnifying glass… ‘It’s not beautiful… It’s battery full!!'”

Girl announced her engagement to her father.
FATHER: “Does this fellow have any money?”
GIRL: “Oh! Dad, you men are all alike.  That’s exactly what he asked me about you!”

Ang sabi nila mas madami daw ang babae kaysa lalake sa buong mundo.
Kaya huwag magtataka kung bakit maraming kabit.

“Senior Moments”
An old Fellow fell in Love with a Lady. He got down on his knees.. & told her there were 2 things he would like to ask her.
She replied: “0K”…
He said: “Will you Marry Me?”
She replied: ” YES “…
Then asked what his 2nd  Question was ?…
He replied: “Will you help me stand up?”

“I saw you kissing my sister last night!” jeered the brat to the embarrassed teenager.
“All right! Not so loud,” replied the youth. “Here’s 50 cents to keep your mouth shut.”
“Gee, thanks! Wait a minute and I’ll give you 20 cents change.”
“20 cents change? What for?”

“I like to be fair, and it’s the same price for everybody.”

Dapat aware tayo sa feelings ng asawa o girlfriend natin.
Pero girls, sana maging aware din kayong nasasaktan din kami kapag sumabit ang ipin niyo.

A wife opened her birthday present and as she held it in her hands she said to her husband, “This is nice but why a mirror?”
He replied, “In case you forget why I’m leaving you.”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Yung ibang kandidato parang EX mo. Minsan ka nang sinaktan at niloko tapos ang lakas ng loob bumalik syo. At dahil tanga ka pababalikin mo.” – Vice Ganda

Hashtag: Lumalablayp

O ha! The bitch is, paynalee eh lumalablaaaaayp!

With my kryptonite. Chos!
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Lookie look! Anong sinabi ng higad sa arte ko ditey!
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Hahaha! Kebs! Walang basagan ng trip!

oOo

“Don’t rush anything. When the time is right, it’ll happen.”

Saturday Humor 04.09.16

Pampanga’s most controversial family, the Pinedas, endorsed Mar Roxas for the presidency. When asked how he felt to have the backing of Bong and Lilia Pineda, Mar said, “Parang tumama sa jueteng!”

Tinutukan ng kutsilyo ang babae..
LALAKE: “Wag kang sisigaw, rape ‘to!”
BABAE: “Huhuhu… wag po, kuya, parang awa mo na!”
LALAKE: “Happy april fools! hahaha…”
BABAE: “Kinabahan naman ako sayo, kuya!”
LALAKE: “Joke lang… holdap lang ‘to!”

Kim Wong returned the money stolen by hackers from the Bangladeshi Central Bank. When asked if they are willing to do the same, the Marcoses said, “We didn’t connive with hackers!”

Blood types of Presidentiables:
MAR ROXAS – Blue Blood
MIRIAM SANTIAGO – High Blood
DIGONG DUTERTE – Cold Blood
GRACE POE – Half Blood
JOJO BINAY – Dinuguan!

Friend, tatlo pala ngayon ang Makati:

Makati na Ayala, Makati na Mahirap at Makati ang Kamay (mga Binay)!!

Accused plunderer Sen. Johnny Ponce Enrile announced that he would campaign for presidential aspirant Jojo Binay. In an unrelated news, anthropologists have debunked the old adage, “Ang magnanakaw ay galit sa kapwa magnanakaw.”

In U. S. politics, Donald Trump’s supporters are now being called “Trumpeters.” In Pinas, some supporters of Digong Duterte are being called “Dutertenatics,” while Binay supporters are denying that they are called “Binayarans.”

San Juan City Mayor Guia Gomez, partner of Manila Mayor Erap has endorsed Mar Roxas for the presidency. The five other presidential candidates are not worried as they can still rely on the support of Erap’s five other partners.

A man bought some dragon scales from China for his wife.
SHE: “Ooh, they’re beautiful! What are they?”
HE: “Dragon scales. They’re very rare!”
SHE: “What are they for?”
HE: “Weighing dragons!”

A boss yelled at an employee, “This is the fifth time you’ve been late to work this month! Do you know what that means?”
The employee replied, “Probably that it’s Friday.”

APO: “Lola, ako po ang pinaka-unang natuto ng ABC sa school!”
LOLA: “Very good ka, apo, wag mayabang!”
APO: “Lola, ako din pinaka-mabilis magbilang ng 1 to 10.”
LOLA: “Ok yan, wag kang makulit ha!”
APO: “Lola, ako na rin pinaka-matangkad sa school!”
LOLA: “Malamang! grade 1 ka lang pero trenta ka nang hinayupak ka!”

TRIVIA:
Alam niyo ba na ang magandang babae libre sa inuman.
Pero kapag pangit, hinihingan ng ambag! 😀

BABAE:  “Gusto ko magpa-tattoo malapit sa ano ko. Ano magandang design?”
LALAKE: “Bird’s nest. Para duon dadapo ang bird ko.”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Ang pinaka kinakatakutan ng mga lalakeng mataba ay hindi ang pagiging mabigat… kundi ang pagkakaroon ng girlfriend na mas maliit pa ang boobs kaysa sa kanila.”

Mother Nature’s Ideal Rug – The Cowhide

There are many beautiful ways to cover a floor, from woven rugs to sheepskin to patterned throw rugs. There’s no question, however, about the truly gorgeous impact of cowhide rugs in a room. The gentle, natural beauty of a cow’s hide gives a room an incredible texture and visual appeal that goes far beyond the utilization of an area rug. A cowhide rug comes from nature, and that’s what makes it such a beautiful way to round out a room’s look and add rustic appeal.

A RUG MADE TO LAST

Mother Nature certainly doesn’t fool around when it comes to making things. The fact is, a well-made, manufactured woven rug may last a long time and hold up well with wear, but it will never compare to the way a rug made from natural cowhide does.

Cowhide comes from nature, and these hides are made to last. The other wonderful feature of a natural cowhide is the way it wears over time. An old hide will become more textured and interesting as time goes on. No matter how many feet may pass over a cowhide, it will retain its looks and truly natural beauty. It will also become softer to the touch.

THE VERSATILITY OF COWHIDE

When most people think of cowhide, they think of the classic black and white cow design. While this look is indeed beautiful, the fact is that natural hide comes in many different patterns, all of which are gorgeous. Let’s take a look at the many colors and patterns of cowhide, and how they can add natural beauty to a room’s decor.

ALL WHITE HIDES OR PATTERNED

Cowhide pieces are available in all white, which is a timeless look in a room that accents any style of decor. The white hide is a look that can blend well with rustic furniture or antiques, yet it also goes beautifully with sleek modern decor. Now that is versatility.

Cowhides can be dyed and decorated to add a stunning touch to a room. A zebra-dyed cowhide is a fabulous look in a room that adds a very exotic feel. Some decorators even like to take the look up a further notch, and add metallic touches to cowhide, for a fabulous 1960s feel.

NATURAL PATTERNS

The natural patterns from cowhide also have incredible beauty and versatility. Natural hides can be found in patterns of brown caramel or brown and white, or in speckled combinations of white, black and brown. Lighter toned natural hides add a touch of subtle glamour to a room. These hides are beautiful in room with light toned furnishings or antique pieces.

CARING FOR YOUR COWHIDE

There’s no question that a cowhide piece will hold up for years of wear. Simply shaking out a hide outside is good maintenance, and hides can be vacuumed as long as they are treated gently, with a low powered vacuum. A little steam cleaning is also okay, but again, the process must be gentle. Hides should never be washed in a washing machine.

There’s no question that cowhide is a great choice for an area rug. These rugs offer incredible versatility, durability and a natural beauty that can’t be equalled by manmade rugs.

Friday Humor 04.08.16

 

 

Paggamit ng PAUL sa pangungusap.
”Paul, be carePAUL. Don’t try to PAUL your sister, ‘coz you both might PAUL in the swimming PAUL.”

LOLA: “Paraahhh!”
DRIVER: “Bakit po?”
LOLA: “Jingle lang ako.” (nag-fart)
DRIVER: “Sabi niyo ji-jingle kayo, ba’t kayo umutot?”
LOLA: “Totoy, wen der’s rain, der is thunder!”

At a resto…
WAITER:  “How did you find your steak, sir?”
CUSTOMER:  “Well, I just pushed aside a bean and there it was!”

Girls, pag sinulit niyo ang lalake sa puro palibre, susulitin din kayo nun sa sex. Hindi yun papayag na hindi mabawi ang puhunan niya.

QUESTION: Why do only 15% of women go to heaven?
ANSWER: Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Halos lahat nalang ng mga palabas ay tungkol sa KABIT
*No Other Woman
*A Secret Affair
*The Mistress
*Amazing Spiderman
*Amazing Spiderman 2

“Sarap makipagharutan sa taong mahal mo, yung tipong hahampasin ka nya ng unan tapos hahampasin mo sya ng folding bed.”

GIRL: “Bastos ka ah! Ba’t mo hinawakan pwet ko!”
BOY: “There was never an ass.”

TURN ON: Yung taong namamansin, HINDI yung taong papansin

“Hindi hadlang ang mga bilbil sa ating katakawan.
Gabay lamang sila.
Meron tayong FREE TASTE,
Kainin natin ito.”

RICH KIDS: Amazing!
POOR KIDS: Boom Panes!

A father and son went deep-sea fishing. Out at sea, the father saw his son drilling a hole in the boat. When asked what he was doing, the son replied, “There’s coming into the boat, so I made another hole for it to escape!”

TANONG: Anong baboy ang malungkot?
SAGOT: PIGhati.

KOREAN TEA
Binabayaran natin sa Meralco.

FLAG RAISING CEREMONY
minsan sa labas,
minsan sa loob ng salawal mo kapag nakakita ka ng sexy.

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DOG
minsan hayop,
minsan style.

MANI
minsan kutkutin,
minsan kinukutkot.

TUYO
Minsan ulam,
minsan pepe niya

 

 

oOo

Only two phrases can change a woman’s mood: ” I love you” and “50% off”.