MARUISM

• May matandang chickboy…
  One day he was asked, “Nasan yung ipinagyayabang mong sex appeal? Pakita mo nga!”
  Matanda: “Ay sus! Nasa Metrobank at BPI!”

**********

• Lady: “Father, ang guwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?”
  Priest: “Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na mag madre ako! Bruha!”

**********

• Confucius says: “Choose a man with a small hand…When he touch ur breast it will look BIG!!”

**********

• VIP meets GRO:
  VIP: “What’s your name?”
  GRO:“Joy Omega, sir!
  VIP: “Beautiful name. How are you related to Omega watch?”
  GRO: “Same price sir! Different movement!”

**********

• BOY: “Pakagat dede!”
  GIRL: “Ayoko!”
  BOY: “Bigyan kita P10,000.”
  GIRL: “Sige, pero bilisan mo.”
  BOY: (Piniga, hinimas, sinipsip)
  GIRL: “Bakit di mo kinagat?”
  BOY: “Wala ako pera!”

**********

• One day Katrina Halili went to FHM to see if she’s still the number 1. She picked a magazine and read it. After reading, she threw the magazine and said, “Bwisit!!! Sino si Inday???!!”

**********

• “I can never forget last night. You came from nowhere and laid on my naked body. You applied your hungry mouth to me and drove me crazy while you drained me. Finally, i went to sleep. Today, when i woke up, you were gone, only the sheets bore witness to last night’s events. My body still bears marks of your ravishing, leaving a tingling sensation, making it harder to forget you. Tonight, i will remain awake waiting for you.”– Inday, nawili sa pang re-rape ng amo.

**********

• JUAN: “Pre, nung mayaman pa kmi nagkakamay kami kumain. ngayong mahirap na kami, kutsara na.”
  PEDRO: “Bakit baliktad yata?”
  JUAN: “Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pre.”

**********

• Miss World Host: “What’s your favorite color and why?”
  Miss USA: “Red for courage”
  Miss SPAIN: “White for purity”
  Miss PHILIPPINES: “Blue! uhmmn…. blue for blue job!”
  Go Pelepens!

**********

• MRS: “Hoy animal! Sino ‘tong baby na nagti-text?”
  MR: “Ah eh kumpare ko yan. Baby lang palayaw.”
  MRS: “O eto replayan mo! Di raw kayo tuloy at may regla daw ang tarantado!”

**********

• After mag sex…
  BOY: “Labs, ok ba?”
  GIRL: “ahihi! liit pala ni junior mo…”
  BOY: (napahiya) “Sorry ha?! di kasi sanay si junior maglaro sa loob ng Araneta Coliseum!”

**********

• Church entrance…
  Notice:

  “Dear Parishoners: Please don’t leave your bags, wallets, and cellphone unattended. Others might think those are the answers to their prayers…”

**********

Questions Without Answers:

1. Does Jennifer Love Hewitt?
2. Where did Vincent van Gogh? Did Rolito Go with him?
3. Why is Norman Black and Redford White? Well then, is Charlie Brown?
4. Where did Sandara Park?
5. Is Chow Yun Fat?
6. What did Henry Sy?
7. Is Lucio Tan?
8. When will Orlando Bloom?
9. Who did Sharon Stone?
10. Does anyone know Victoria’s Secret?
11. How did the Cardinal Sin?

I really don’t know the answers and I’m sure Wilma Doesnt.

**********

Ganito ba kayo?

• Before and After Marriage:
  Before: You take my breath away.
  After: I feel like suffocating!
  Before: Twice a night.
  After: Twice a month.
  Before: Don’t stop!
  After: Don’t start!
  Before: Turbocgarged
  After: Jump-start
  Before: Victoria’s Secret
  After:Fruit of the Loom
  Before: Passion
  After: Ration
  Moral: Let’s enjoy the good times before they’re gone.

**********

Headlines Bukas Ngayon ang Brodkas!

• Good News!!! Walang Badnews!!!
• Tahanang walang hagdan, inakyat!
• Isang bakla ginahasa, tuwang tuwa!!
• Unanong madre, napagkamalang penguin!!
• Bulag nakapatay, nagdilim daw ang paningin!!
• Tindera ng suka,tinoyo!!
• Teacher nagkamali, tinuruan ng leksyon!!
• Basurero nagsampa ng kaso, binasura!!
• Tubero, nagkatulo!!
• Misis ng photograper, nakunan!!
• Isang buntis sinaksak, bata nakaiwas!!
• Unggoy bumabasa ng text message, tumatawa!!

**********

P A S A S A L A M A T

para kina

wow_kalabaw, smythballs, unoprimero, and silentnewbie

for sending me the above SMS jokes.