MARUISM

KRIS: Magandang gabi, mga kapamilya. Sa game show na ito, importante ang sagot sa nag-iisang katanungang, Deal or No Deal?? Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday!

[Umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao.]

KRIS: Ok, Inday, choose a briefcase.

INDAY: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please

KRIS: Briefcase # 4… si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

INDAY: Oh, do you really want to know, Kris?

KRIS: Oo naman. I’m sure, kaya ko namang maintindihan yung sasabihin mo, eh.

INDAY: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper distributions.

KRIS: Ok, Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

INDAY: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.
KRIS: Wait lang, Inday. Usually, isa-isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case…

INDAY: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we’re to open a case each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately one after the other right?

KRIS: Hayyy… babaguhin pa talaga mechanics? (bulong sa sarili) Anwyay, di bale na lang nga… tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie, buksan na!

[Sumigaw ang audience ng, "LOWER! LOWER!"]

INDAY: (tahimik)

KRIS: Teka lang, bago natin buksan… Inday, usually ang mga contestant natin ay sumisigaw ng “LOWER” every time magbubukas ng case.

INDAY: Kris, I guess that’s not the way I was taught in grade school. You see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word or add “ER” to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?

[Natahimik ang audience at napaisip.]

KRIS: Oo nga, ‘no?! Sige, Natalie, buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase #7 ay piso. Palakpakan ang mga tao.]

KRIS: Good start! Ano ?yung next case mo ulit?

INDAY: Case# 24, please

KRIS: Chloe… buksan na…

[Sumigaw ulit ang audience ng, "LOWER! LOWER!"]

INDAY: (tahimik lang)

KRIS: Wait lang, guys. Inday, may nabuksan nang case, bakit hindi ka pa rin sumisigaw ng, “Lower”?

INDAY: Oh my goodness, Kris! How long have you been doing this? Have you ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is there any value left lower than the one we just opened?

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

KRIS: Aarrgghh!!! Chloe, buksan na lang nga, pati na rin ?yung 12, 2, 15 and 20, buksan na rin para matapos na. (naiirita na)

[At sunud-sunod na ngang binuksan ang mga briefcase na pinili ni Inday.]
[Nag-ring ang phone.]

INDAY: Ahh, Kris – to save more time, can you tell Banker that I’m not interested in his first offer? In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the Banker. It’s quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean, come on, isn’t that a waste of airtime?

BANKER: Potahhh!!!

[narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kuwarto ni Banker]
[Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng audience ang boses ni Banker sa
Deal or No Deal.]

… dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday…

Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sino ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo? Ano name nya?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I’m a fan. I choose number 12 please.

Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 12?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na! [ang laman ng briefcase 12 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What’s his name?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it’s ok with you. If not, it’s ok with me as long as it’s ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday: Yes Kris, it’s fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn… buksan na!!!

[…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin nya ng hininga…]

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!

[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday. Nagkatitigan sina Inday at Ederlyn. Nakangisi si Ederlyn habang hawak ang briefcase ni Inday.]

Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan! (naiirita na si Kris)

[Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000. Nanghinayang ang mga audience… Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K.]

Inday: Nooooo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you…

Dodong: I’m so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya, Deal.. or No Deal!

[pagtapos ng commercial break… mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. ‘Sing rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo ang ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal?

[Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience ay nagsisigawan ng "No Deal", ang iba naman ay "Deal".]

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value…

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?

[Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.]

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

Inday: Ok, I’m ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of the cases left have at least 49K less than the banker’s offer. The only way I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the 500k or I’d get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to keep in mind that there’s only 20% probability that this would happen. I have to take note, however, that the banker’s offer is roughly around 15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the values left.

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba ‘to? Ayokonaaa….

Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!

[Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…]

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa’yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!

Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?

Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: (“kapal naman talaga ng mukha”…bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

Inday: Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for my gown tonight.

[BLAG!! Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show kaya't binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa kanyang oras.]

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight!

[Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fantasy Football — Week 10
Patriots undefeated, but for how long? Bills continue — it’’s amazing. Dolphins continue, but it’’s not amazing. Colts lose another one while Peyton gets blasted with six interceptions.

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