"Oh she takes care of herself. She can wait if she wants. She's ahead of her time. Oh and she never gives out. And she never gives in. She just changes her mind..."
-- Billy Joel's "She's Always A Woman To me" 
L0LA: iho,help me.isa akong prinsesa, ako’y isinumpa.kung ako’y yung gagahasain babalik ako sa maganda kung anyo at tuluyan ng mapuputol ang sumpa. makaraan ng ilang saglit…
LALAKI: yan,tap0s na! bakit di ka pa nagpapalit ng anyo?
L0LA: ilan ta0n ka na, iho?
LALAKI: 24 p0
Lola: yan tanda m0ng yan naniniwala ka pa sa fairytales?
ANAK (galing sa school): Tay, kasali po ako sa aming drama. Ang role ko ay “husband”.
TATAY: Malas mo naman, anak. Wala kang speaking part…
Dalawang lasing naglalakad sa riles ng tren.
Lasing 1: Pare, hirap netong hagdan. Ang daming steps!
Lasing 2: Di lang yan pre,ang baba pa ng hawakan. Whew!
Religion Teacher: “Everything is made by God.”
Six-year old: “That’s not true ma’m. people say that almost everything is Made in China.”
Parrot sa dumadaang guy: “Panget! Panget!”
Guy: Pag sinabi mo pa uli yan sa akin, papatayin kita!
Next day…
Parrot: Psssst!!!
Guy: Bakit?!
Parrot: Alam mo na…
Man meets sexy GRO.
Man: what’s ur name?
GRO: OMEGA
Man: Beautiful name. How are u related to OMEGA watch?
GRO: Same price,sir, different movement.
Ang dami pa lang blessings kapag tumatanda: May SILVER sa buhok, GOLD sa ngipin, STONES sa kidney, SUGAR sa dugo, OIL sa mukha at GAS sa tiyan. Ingat,baka makidnap ka!
Maria: I checked my daughter’s bag and found cigarettes! I can’t believe she smokes!
Juana: I checked my daughter’s bag too and found condoms! I cant believe she has a penis!
PINOY INGLES:
SPLAT- pastilan, my tire splat.
DEPOSIT- Call the plahmer, Deposit is leaking.
HOSTESS- When the fone rings I ask, Hostess?
DEPRESSED- He says Mass.
Paano humamon ng away ang….
BULAG- Magpakita kayo, mga duwag!
DULING- Isa-isa lang, para patas ang laban!
PILAY- Patay kung patay, walang takbuhan!
question: bakit palaging may hinanakit ang panty?
answer: kc lagi na lang daw siyang ginagawang panakip butas.