MARUISMI blog, therefore I am.

A guy went to a CR and sit on the throne then he heard someone came in the next cubicle. The guy in the next cubicle started talking to him.

“Pare, kumusta ka na?”
He hesitantly answered back.
“Ah, ok lang…”
He asked again.
“Ano gingawa mo diyan?”
Unknowing  what to say he answered.
“Eto ume-ebs.”
Again the guy speaks.
“Pare, tawagan kita mamaya, may sumasagot dito sa tabi ko.”

SMS courtesy of Kevin

* * *

Babae: “Nanay, punta po ako sa plaza.”
Nanay: “Anak, gabi na, baka ma-rape ka.”
Babae: “Nay, wag kayo mag-alala, panty ko lata.”
After 1 hour…
Babae:  “Nay, na-rape ako.”
Nanay:  “Akala ko ba, panty mo lata?”
Babae:  “Nay may abrelata sila!” 

SMS courtesy of Jovic

* * *

“Dakakaidis talaga..
Bay sipod dadamad ako..
Barado dadamad ilog ko..
Bahirap dadamad batulog..
O bakit gadyad ka bagsalita?
Bay sipod ka did?”

SMS courtesy of Tweetums

* * *

Isang eksena sa buhay ng mga Lasengga at Lasenggero:
Pasok Tropa!

“absent tayo…”
“WE KNOW WHAT TO DO DI BA?”
“pulutan…”
“usok…”
“PASARAPIN ANG EKSENA, ILABAS ANG REDHORSE!”
“ Spotlyt.”
“music…”
“inom…”
“mag-REDHORSE”
“SMILE…”

“Aaaahhhh…”
“MAGTAMBAY NA LANG KAYA TAYO?”
 “MAY future ka!”
“SA PANAHONG TO, MAG-REDHORSE, MAGWALA ARAW-ARAW!”

SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw

* * * 

Juan: “Pare, bakit kaya maalat ang dagat at may asin?”
Pedro: “Duh! Pare, sinadya ‘yun ni Lord para di mapanis ang mga isda. Common sense, pare. Common sense!!” 

SMS courtesy of 09228292362

* * *

Man visits chinese friend dying in hospital. 

Friend says, “DI TA GUAE YONG KHEE!”  and dies.
Man goes to China to find meaning of friend’s last words:
“HUWAG MONG TAPAKAN ANG HOSE NG OXYGEN!”

SMS courtesy of Tweetums

* * *

Question: “Ano dapat gawin pag di makatulog ang babae?”
Answer: “Eh di COUNT-2-TEN! Pag di pa rin, COUNT-2-TEN ulit. Basta COUNT-2-TEN mo lang ng COUNT-2-TEN”
SMS courtesy of Daxjeremy

* * *

“Bakit ganun, sa kama na lang ba lagi ang role ko sa buhay mo? Each time na pagod ka, I’m always here para painitin ang malalamig mong gabi?! Hindi mo ba ako pwede i-display sa mga tao? Kahit minsan lang? - KUMOT (nagda-drama, gusto maging kurtina.)

SMS courtesy of Summer Breeze

* * *

Sacristan: “Pardon me, lady, but u have been coming to this shrine for 10 years. What are you praying, if i may ask?”
Lady: “I dont have a child. Im praying for a child.”
Sacristan: “How do u propose to have a child by coming here?”
Lady: “Oh, i keep on praying thousands of Hail Mary’s.”
Sacristan: “Why don’t you try one of Our Fathers?”

SMS courtesy of Summer Breeze