M A R U I S M

May isang pangit na babae na nabuntis ng isang gwapong prinsipe… 

PRINCE: “Will you marry me?”
LADY: “No”

And the prince lived happily ever after!

SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw

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Anak: “Tay, di ako makatulog daming lamok!”
Tatay: “Patayin natin ang ilaw para di nila tayo makita.” (pagpatay ng ilaw pumasok ang mga alitaptap)
Anak: “Hala! Tay nagdala sila ng flashlight!”

SMS courtesy of Arch

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Pedro: “Pare, ikaw ba’y naniniwala sa safe sex?”
Juan: “Oo naman!”
Pedro: “Dapat talaga! Pano ba gnagawa mo?”
Juan: “Sinisiguro ko na wala ang mister nya!” 

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

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“I knew this day would come that  i have to stay away from you, that i have to run away when your approaching, that i have to hide & be silent when your around, coz i know from myself that u really don’t want to see me coz your mad, i know you want to hurt me but you can’t, coz i already ran away from you…” - DAGA, (nag e-emote)

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

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MISIS: “Ang sweet m0 naman h0ney, lagi m0ng tinitignan marriage c0ntract natin.”
MISTER: “Sweet ka diyan! Hinahanap ko expirati0n date. Saan ba kasi dito yun?!” 

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

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THOUGHT for the Day:

“Sa pag-ibig kahit na masaktan ka, o lumuha pa, ang mahalaga marun0ng kang maglaba at hindi ka tak0t mamalantsa dahil ang magaling magsaing ay may katapat na tunay na kanin!” 

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

* * * 

ANAK: “Tay, ano ang pinakamalamig na parte ng katawan ng tao?”
TATAY:” Ipin, anak. Kasi nag-yeyelo ang ipin mo pag di ka nagsipilyo.”

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

* * *

QUESTION: “What game do kidnappers love to play?”
ANSWER: “HidE iNTSiK!”

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

* * *

7 men were standing naked in a row with erected penis.
A passerby saw them and asked, ”Are you advertising for a condom?”
They said. . .“No. We are posing for 7-UP!”

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

* * *

3 F’s IN MARRIAGE: 
FUN
FIGHT
FUCK

Early Years
More FUN
Less FIGHT
Alwys FUCK!

Mid-Years
Less FUN
More FIGHT
Still FUCK!

Later Years
No FUN
Only FIGHT
No FUCK! 

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

* * *

Two friends met. “How’s ur husband?” said one. Her pious friend smiled complacently, “Oh he’s an angel” You’re lucky said the other. “Mine’s still alive”

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

* * *

BOY: “Sana naging pinto ka na lang..”
GiRL: “Ay naku! bakit naman?”
BOY: “Para pwede kitang pasukan at labasan..”
(yan naman ang banat ng simpleng manyak!)

SMS courtsey of Wow_Kalabaw

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TOTOY: :”Laro tayo ng wagwag!”
BADING: “Paano ‘yun?”
TOTOY: “Tatanggalin ko ang damit mo. Titirahin ko puwet mo. Tapos sisigaw ka, ‘WAG! WAG!”

SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw