MARUISM

“i tried my best to wait 4 u.i’ve shouted too loud,still,you didn’t even respond to my call…Now,u want me to go back?” -magbabalot nag-iinarte

SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo 

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A Little Girl’s Prayer:

Dear Lord, please send clothes for the poor girls who don’t even have shirts and underwear in my kuya’s magazine. AMEn…!

SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo

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INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE: 
“hindi mo pag-aari ang katawan mo, pinahiram lang yan sa yo, kaya kung may nangangailangan, ipagamit mo.” 

SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw

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LAWYER: “Who stabbed you?
CLIENT: “Kung pwede Tagalog lang ang tanong sir..”
JUDGE: “OK. Interpreter, translate the question.”
INTERPERTER: “Sino raw si tabyo?”

SMS courtesy of PRYSS

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BAGONG PALUSOT

Teacher: “bakit ka na-late?”
Student: “naholdap po ako!”
Teacher: “ha? Ano kinuha sayo?”
student: “yung assignment ko po! Huhuhu”. 

SMS courtesy of Arch

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NANAY: ‘”nak, iligaw mo nga itong pusa dalhin mo sa malayo.”
(KINAGABIHAN)
NANAY: “0, ginabi ka? Wala na ang pusa?
ANAK: “Naku nay, kung di ko pa sinundan ang pusa, di ako makakauwi.”
 
SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo

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PATIENT: “Magkano magpa-facelift?”
D0CT0R:  ”Complete treatment is P145,000.”
PATIENT: “Ang mahal! Ano pinakamura para muka akong bata tingnan?”
DOCTOR: “Tsupon, P20 lang.”
 
SMS courtsey of Danskiedoo

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SEAMAN: “Mag-aaplay sana ako maging seaman.”
KAPITAN: “Marunong ka ba lumangoy?”
SEAMAN: “Di nga Kap eh.”
KAPITAN: “Ah! di ka pwede!”
SEAMAN: “Bakit di ako pwede kap? Yan palang mga piloto marunong pala silang lumipad?” 

SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo

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(waiting shed, 11:30PM)  
Lalaki: “Miss, wag kang kikilos ng masama.”
Miss: “Ba..Ba..Bakit po?!”
Lalaki: “Bad yun.” 

SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo

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Anak: “Ma, hingi ako 5OO.”

Mama: “Ano? 4OO?! Ang laki naman ng 3OO! Aanhin mo ang 2OO? Di madali humanap ng 1OO? 5O nga hirap kitain 2O pa kaya! Eto oh 5 pesos.” 

SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo

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DRIVER: “Bata,iaatras ko ang jeep, pakisabi saken kung mababangga.”
BATA: “ok! sige atras! atras pa! cge pa! Atras pa! Ayan! “BAANGGHHH!!! ok! Nabangga na!”
DRIVER: “hayop!” 

SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo

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PEDRO: “Anung ulam nyo ngayon?”
JUAN: “SweEt toMato w/ sparkLeD salteD fish”
PEDRO: “wow ang sarap anu yun?”
JUAN: “ay tanga! bagoong na my kamatis!! 

SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw

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WANTED: ”GF” with..

1.Pleasing ”PESO”nality
2.Good ”CAR”acteristics
3.Good family ”BANK”ground
4.Good ”M0NEY”rism
5.Of corz very ”CASH”ual! 

May kìlala kang ganito?

SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw

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SA BARBER SHOP:  

BARBERO: “Boss, isubo nyo itong maliit na bola para bumukol ang pisngi niyo at mas pulido at madali ang pag-ahit.” 

Pagkatapos ahitan, niluwa ang bola..

BOSS: “Ok ‘to ah. Pero paano pag nalunok ko?”
BARBERO: “Ibalik niyo na lang bukas pag naitae mo na tulad ng ginagawa ng ibang costumer.” 

SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw

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PULIS: “Anong pangalan mo miss?”
GIRL: “Ficacion po sir.”
PULIS: “Pambihira ang pangalan mo.”
GIRL: “Dati po kasi PURIFICACION, eh na rape po ako kaya nawala na ang PURI.”
SMS courtesy of Jinky

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