MARUISM

NANAY: “Kumusta date mo anak? Epektib ba payo ko maglagay sili labuyo sa suso mo para di galawin BF mo?” 
DALAGA: “Hay naku Nay,palpak! Bicolano BF ko. Ganado!”

SMS Courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw

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MATH TEACHER: “an0ng png-kaiba ng 69 at 6.9?”
STUDENT: “ma’m pareho lang po sila ng p0siti0n kaya lang mas kadiri ang 6.9.”
TEACHER: “bakit?”
STUDENT: “kasi po my peri0d!”

SMS courtesy of Koreanmine

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TAONG GRASA: “palimos po?”STUDENT: “Pang-inom o sigarilyo?”
TA0NG GRASA: Wala po akong bisyo.”
STUDENT: “lika sama ka sa bahay,para makita ng nanay ko ang nangyayari sa taong walang bisyo!”

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

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Ano ka sa past life mo?*reincarnation ba* get the 3rd letter of ur name .. Ito ka noon.

- good luck!

A- diyosa
B- hito
C- kuhol
D- libag
E- almoranas
F- palaka
G- matandang dalaga
H- bakla
I- prinsesa
J- higad
K- sirena
L- pusang gala
M- asong ulol
N- bee
O- engkantada
P- tutubing karayom
Q- bakulaw
R- paruparo
S- patabaing baboy
T- butiki
U- syokoy
V- ipis
W- kulangot
X- diwata
Y- prinsipe
Z- hadhad

Swertehan na lang.

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

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Mrs. “Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda e gumaganda?” 
Mr. “0o naman!”
Mrs. “Sa tingin mo ba, gumaganda ako?”
Mr. “Sa tingin ko,hindi ka tumatanda!”

SMS courtesy of Arch

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SEXY: “Kasalanan po ba ang di pagsusuot ng panty?” 
PARI: “Oo!”
SEXY: “Pano po yan? Wala akong panty ngayon.” 
PARI: “Magtambling ka 10x papuntang altar!”

SMS courtesy of Pryss

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DYING BF: “I have something to tell you.”  
GF: “Don’t speak, just rest.”
BF: “No, i must confess… I had sex with your sis and your bestfriend.”
GF: “Ssshh… I know…Kaya nga nilason kita e.”

SMS courtesy of Pryss

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Nurse: “nasa isip mo pa ba ang pamilya mo?
Baliw: “oo naman! Syempre!”
Nurse: “ nasaan na ang pamilya mo ngayon?”
Baliw: “nasa isip ko nga! Ano ka ba? adik ka?

SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo

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BRUNO: “ano yang nasa papel?”JUAN: “listahan ng mga takot saken!”
BRUN0: “patingin nga! Ba’t kasali ako?!”
JUAN: “bakit? papalag ka?!”
BRUNO: “OO!”
JUAN: “e di erase natin. problema ba yan?”

SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo

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“Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance. The purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.”  

in sh0rt: Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. -nosebleed editi0n

SMS courtesy of Danskiedoo

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