Weekend SMS Jokes

PEDRO: “galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ko ng hearing aid, grabe ang linaw na ng pandinig ko…”
JUAN: “talaga?!!! magkano bili mo?”
PEDRO: “kahapon lang…”

SMS courtesy of Defpotec

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A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink. 
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, “Whoever can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can have me for tonight.” 
So the White guy says “I love liver and cheese.” 
She says “That’s not good enough” 
The Black man says “I hate liver and cheese” 
She says “That’s not creative” 
Finally, the Filipino says “Liver alone, cheese mine!” 

Joke courtesy of Bern

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* * * 
3 am..
LASING kumatok: “Pre, tulong! patulak naman!”
PRE naawa: Sige, sandali lang.

Nagbihis si PRE at lumabas: “Saan ka?”
LASiNG: “Dito sa swing. Patulak naman!”

SMS courtesy of Jovic

* * *

A man joined a big Multi-National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, “Get me a coffee quickly!” The voice from the other side responded,” You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?“ 
“No”, replied the trainee. 
“It’s the CEO, you fool! I can fire you out of this company!” 
The man shouted back, “I don’t give a damn fucking shit! And do you know who YOU are talking to, you asshole?” 
“No.”, replied the CEO. 
“Good!” replied the trainee and put down the phone! 

Joke courtesy of Bern

* * *

* * *
Nagtatalik ang mag asawa.
MISTER: “Bakit maluwag na to?”
MISIS: “Gago! Diyan ko kinukuha ang pambayad kuryente, tubig, matrikula at pati yosi mo!”

SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw
* * *
INTERVIEWER: “I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!”

The boy thought for a while and said,

BOY: “my choice is one really difficult question.”  
INTERVIEWER: “Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. “What comes first, Day or Night?” 
The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said,

BOY: “It’s the DAY sir!” 
BOY: “Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!”  

Joke courtesy of Bern

* * *
Ang HONDA ay naimbento ni HONchi DAitzu.
Ang FUBU ay naimbento ni FUrdie BUtcher.
Ang NOKIA ay naimbento ni NOrland KIAnder.
Ang PONDS ay naimbento ni Andrew Ponds.
Ang BEER ay naimbento ni BEnjamin ERwin.

Galing, no?! Lahat ng ito ay imbento ko lang!

SMS courtesy of Daxjeremy 

* * *


* * *
Asawa: “Love di ako makatulog, dahil sa mga lamok. Sex muna tau!”
Lalaki: “Putragis! Anong akala mo sa titi ko… KATOL?!!!?!”

SMS courtesy of Jovic
* * *

His wife being eight months pregnant, poor husband has had to sleep on the floor and this had made him desperate for sex. 
One night as she lay on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curled up on the floor, eyes staring widely into the empty air. 
Feeling sorry for her husband, she takes her wallet and fishes out P500 and gives it to him. “Here, take this and go to the woman next door, and she will let you sleep with her tonight. But remember that this happens only once, okay? Don’t ask me to do this again.” 
The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she might change her mind, grabs the money, and leaves quickly. 
A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife, and says with much disappointment, “She said this is not enough, she wants P600.” 
The wife’s face slowly turns red with anger. “Damn that bitch! When she was pregnant and her husband came over here, I only charged him P500!”

Joke courtesy of Bern

* * *
7 tawa sa TEXT:

kaya ingat sa pagtawa. Hehe.. Este Jeje pala!

SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw

* * *
aLamin ang buhay pag-ibig sa buwan ng kapanganakan.

Jan.-masarap magmahaL per0 waLng taste. kahit sin0 papatusin.
Feb.-tahimik per0 mapus0k. nangangaLm0t.
March-hay0k sa pag-ibig. maLib0g.
ApriL-simpLe per0 manyak.
May-maLandi per0 di saLawahan.
June-L0yaL per0 b0ring sa kama.
JuLy-mapagmahaL per0 tanga.
Aug.-magaLing sa kama.
Sept.-mahiLig sa panget.
0ct.-mapagmahaL kas0 Laging naL0loko.
N0v.-maLib0g na, manyak pa!
Dec.-mahiLig sa matanda.

ToT0o bA? An0Ng m0nTh ka? 

SMS courtesy of Jovic

* * *
Angelina Jolie: “Nakakita ka na ba ng elepanteng nagtatago sa highway?!”
Whatever Yaya: “Di pa, ikaw nakakita ka na ba?”
Angelina Jolie: “Whatever yaya, nagtatago nga eh.”
Whatever Yaya: “Pak U!”

SMS courtesy of Jovic
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