SMS Jokes 03.17.09 (Tuesday)

Lady: “Hello! Police station? A man has enterd my house and he is raping me right nnnoowww.. , Caan yooouu ooooohh aaaaah ummmh ahhreestt himm. toommmorrow?!”

SMS courtesy of Arch

* * *  *

Anak: “‘Tay! ‘tay!, bakit yung titi ng classmate ko eh parang sampalok?”
Tatay:  ”hahaha, hahaha!” Bakit? Maliit ba?”
Anak: “hindi! eh kasi ang…ASIM!!”

SMS courtesy of Pryss

* *  * *

Kabayo: “Tulungan mo ako isa akong prinsipe. Ako’y isinumpa.”
Dalaga:  ”Kung hahalikan ba kita magiging tao ka?”
Kabayo: “sadyang malakas ang sumpa kelangan ay. . .”chupa”.”

SMS courtesy of Pryss

* * * *

JUDGE: “hinawakan mo ba ang hita ng babaeng ito?”
NG0NG0: “hini po, hini po ur honor…”
JUDGE: “PILOSOPO!! Hinawakan, hinipo, parehas lang yon!! GUILTY!!”.

SMS courtesy of Pryss

* * * *

Teacher: “An0 ang ating pambansang hayup? Nagsisimula sa letter K!”
Student: “kut0?”
Teacher:  ”n0, nagtatap0s sa letter W!”
Student: “kut0w?”
Teacher:  ”mali, may sungay ‘t0.”
Student:  ”DEMONYONG KUTOW?”
Teacher: “get out!”

SMS courtesy of Pryss

* * * *
Tanong: Alin ang mas mabigat? Ang titi ng tao o ang titi ng kabayo?
Sagot: Ang titi ng tao! Kasi pag umiihi ito, hinahawakan pa. Sa kabayo hindi na..!

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

* * * *

A judge interviewing a woman regarding her divorce, “What are the grounds for ur divorce?”

She replied, “About 4 acres & a nice little home on the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what’s the foundation of this case?”

“It is concrete, brick & mortar,” she responded.

“I mean” he continued, “What are ur relations like?”

“I have an aunt & uncle living here in town, & my husband’s parents.”
“Pls,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?” “Yes, both my son & daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music tho.” “Ma’am, does ur husband ever beat u up?” “Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.” Finally, in frustration, thejudge askd, “Lady, why do u want a divorce?” “Oh, I don’t want a divorce. I never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate w/ me.”

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

*  * * *

Two politicians were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, ‘What about the powerful interest that controls you?’

And the other guy screamed back, ‘You leave my wife out of this!’

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

* * * *

Pacman: “Doc, may insomnia po ako.. Paano ba ako makakatulog ng mahimbing?”
Doctor: “Bakit di mo subukan magbilang kapag nakahiga kana?”
Pacman: “Doc naman!Alam nyo naman boxer ako.. pagdating ng 9 napapatayo ako!”

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

* * * *

“Hindi ko alam paano kung wala ka sa likod ko…
Pakiramdam ko lahat ng gagawin ko mali,
ang masama pa wala ka para itama uun..” -lapis na walang pambura, nag e-emote.

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

* * * *

Man to his psychiatrist…

‘My boss says I am being replaced by a machěne! Funny, that’s what my wife says.’

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

* * * *

Hilary Clinton goes to new doc for an exam & he finds that she has crabs. He thinks to himself how he’s going to tell the Secretary of State. He tells her to get dressed & meet him back in hěs office.

He tells her she has Nixon’s Disease. She says, ‘Level with me, Doc, what does it mean?’

He replies, ‘Well, Secretary Clinton, to put it very bluntly, you’ve got bugs in your oval office.’

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

* * * *
BISITA: “Sarap ang luto ng Misis mo!”
ERAP: “Kasi mayroon siyang ‘URINARY SKILLS.'”

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

* * * *

A man walks into his doc’s clinic. While waiting, an acquaintance walks in & sits besides him.

Newcomer: “Wwwhat are yyyou dd doing here?”
Man: “I am waiting to see the doc.”
Newcomer: “Wwwhy dddo yyyou wwwant to sssee hhhim?”
Man: “I have a prostate problem.”
Newcomer: “A ppprostate ppproblem, wwhat’s tthat?”
Man: “Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk.”

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

* * * *

Mike Arroyo is a great supporter of sports. In fact he will introduce a new sport.

It is called “Heavyweight Kickbacking”.

SMS courtesy of 9178396975

* * * *

Quote of the Day:

“Ang buhay ko ay parang isang masarap na sauce…maraming nakikisawsaw!”

SMS courtesy of 9174240636

* * * *

Ang alamat ng kandila:
Wife: “delayed ako 1month sa menstruation! Pero wag mo pagsabi nahihiya ako”
Husband: “ok”
(next day dumating taga MERALCO)
Meralco: “mam delayed po kayo ng 1month”
Wife: “pano mo nalaman?”
Meralco: “nasa record po.”
Husband: “aba! Bakit naka-record dyan na delayed mrs ko?!”
Meralco: “kung gusto nyo mawala sa record, magbayad po kayo.”
Husband: “eh kung ayoko magbayad?”
Meralco: ‘eh di puputulan kayo!”
Husband: “tarantado ka pala eh! Anong gagamitin ni mrs?”
Meralco: “pede naman po sya gumamit ng KANDILA.”

SMS courtesy of wow_kalabaw

* * *
“HAnda akong ibiGay ang iniT ng katawAn na ninanais m0 at sisiguraduhin ko na hindi ka makakatul0g kaPag natikmAn m0 k0!”  -kape

SMS courtesy of wow_kalabaw



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4 Comments

  1. Anak: “‘Tay! ‘tay!, bakit yung titi ng classmate ko eh parang sampalok?”
    Tatay: ”hahaha, hahaha!” Bakit? Maliit ba?”
    Anak: “hindi! eh kasi ang…ASIM!!”

    >>>>>>> HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    [Reply]

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