SMS Jokes 03.19.09 (Thursday)

Sa botica:
Customer: (pabulong) ‘Day, isang condom nga…
Saleslady: “Sayz sir!”
Customer: (nahihiya) “Small lang. He he he…”
Saleslady: “Hende sir… Sa-iz pisos ang isa!”

SMS courtesy of wow_kalabaw

* * * *

Bahay kubo revival!
Handa, awit!

Bahay bata,
kahit munti,
pumapasok doon
ay galit na ari.

Sintigas ng talong, pnadasdas sa mani.
Hkaw naiwan sa ari…bundol, patulak, up at tay pa.
At saka meron pa, patuwad sa mesa!
Sibuyas at sili, pandagdag ng gana.
Ang mga gilagid ay bulbol ang tinga!
Ole!

SMS courtesy of wow_kalabaw

* * * *

HOLDAPER: Mamili ka… wallet mo o pasabugin ko ang utak mo?
PILO: Bahala ka, basta parehong walang laman yan.

SMS courtesy of wow_kalabaw

* * * *

Read this in a car’s bumper sticker :

DON’T STEAL. THE GOVERNMENT DOES NOT NEED COMPETITION.

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

‘Darling,’ whispered a frail husband, ‘I’m very sick, would you please call a vet?’
‘A vet? Why not a medical doctor?’ asked his wife.
He replies, ‘Because I work like a horse, live like a dog, and have to sleep with a silly cow!’

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, ‘how much?’ She replies, ‘2000 bucks if I lay down and 1500 bucks if I stand up.’ He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, ‘it’s my hairdresser’s fee!’

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *
May BANAT na din ang mga NANAY sa mga lasenggerong anak:

“Aanhin mo pa ang ALAK
kung sakin pa lang,
TATAMAAN ka na?”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *
‘Can anyone give me a good contemporary example of the Golden Rule?’ asked an instructor in the ethics class.”

I can sir,’ replied a student, ‘how about 69?'”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *
Erap: “paayos ko itong radyo, kailan ko bblikan?”
Repairman: “after 1 day!”
Erap: “pede bng oras lng ang antayin ko?”
Repairman: “ok, balikan mo after 24 hrs!”
Erap: “yan, dats better!”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *
Nena, & 3 men went hiking but got stranded in d jungle until it was dark. They’d no choice but 2 sleep thru d nyt but problem is, Nena sleeps like a log. She decided 2 place a sharp blade between her thighs. Next morning she noticed blood on d blade so she asked d men 2 show her der penis.

B1 1st, head missing. Nena: shit! I trusted u! Slaps him in d face.
B2, banana split. W/out a word, she slaps him 2.
B3, penis intact! Nena is impressed and decides to reward B3 with 1 night tryst. Nena: What can you say to my offer? B3, tears rolling down his cheeks, tried to talk… “arf, ahhh, arf, arf, ahh!!!” Tongue missing!!! ;-)

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *
FG: (to maid) “Miss, can u do something about Glo’s room. She complains that it’s d ugliest room in Malacanang.”

MAID: “Yes, sir… I’ll remove d mirrors ASAP.”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *
“Nadukutan ako kanina… Huhuhu…”
-Ilong.

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

Wife complaining 2 husband: “Honey, alam kong ngayong global financial crisis, mas lalo mong kelangan magpakitang gilas sa boss mo para d ka tanggalin sa trabajo, pero bakit kelangan mong dalhin sa ating bahay ang trabajo mo at embalsahin yang bangkay na yan sa dining table natin?”

Husband: “Pasensya na Hon. Sirado na kc ofc kaya di nko makaovertym. Ngaun lang ito!Bnigyan kc ako ng deadline ng amo ko. Pag diko tapos ang trabajo ko mamayang 6am, ako ang patay!”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *
‘Anong akala mo sa akin mayaman?!..
Nauubusan din ako ng pera noh!’

-ATM

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *


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