MARUISM

Thought of the Day:

“Masakit mahalin ang taong di ka na mahal.. nakakapag0d lang umasa.. pero may mas sasakit pa ba, pag tumama yung pepe mo sa kanto ng mesa?”

SMS courtesy of 9174240636

* * * *

MISIS: “san ka punta, hon?”
MISTER: “sa bar inom lang beer.”
MISIS: “eto beer oh.”
MISTER: “gusto ko sa bar, malamig.”
MISIS: “eto meron dito ice, hon. “
MISTER: pero masarap ‘pulutan sa bar.”
MISIS: “Eto nagluto ako!”
MISTER: “sa bar may konting biruan, murahan. “
MISIS: “gusto mo murahan? TANGINA MO! ETO INUMIN MO TONG PUTANG INANG BEER SA MALAMIG NA BWAKANG INANG BASO NA TO, KAININ MO YANG PUKI NG INANG PULUTAN NA YAN DAHiL DI KA LALABAS NG BAHAY! TANG INANG TO!”

SMS courtesy of Jovic

* * * *

Sa edad nating ito, ingat ingat na lamang sa mga sakit ng mga tumatanda na kagaya natin! Parang prone tau sa sakit na ito… OSTEOPUROSEX! At SCHOLIOSEX!

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

PARE1: “Bakit sobra payat mo? Yan ba resulta ng naging vegetarian ka?“
PARE2: “Di dahil vegetarian pre!“
PARE1: “Ano ‘pre?“
PARE2: “Budgetarian pare. Kulang ang kwalta kasi.”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

WIFE: “How much do U Love me ?”
HUSBAND: “As much as Shah Jahan loved Mumtaz Mahal.”
WIFE: “So U would also build a Taj Mahal for me if I die?”
HUSBAND: “I have already purchased the land, the delay is on your part.”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

A man went to a bookshop and asked the salesgirl if she had a book called, ‘How to Master Your Wife.’

Salesgirl said, ‘Our science fiction section is upstairs.‘

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

‘Wednesday nights out with the boys is what killed my marriage.’ ‘Your wife hated your going out with the guys?’ ‘Nah, she was the one who went out with the boys!

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

Doc: “iha mukhang pumapayat ka ata, sinusunod mo b ung advice na 3 meals a day?… “

Babae: “naku po! 3 meals a day ba? Akala ko 3 males a day!”

SMS courtesy of Jovic

* * * *

Husband: “Naku dear. Ang ganda ng trabahong nakita ko. Taas ng sweldo, daming benefits, me bonus pa!”
Wife: “Swerte mo talaga Honey. At last!”
Husband:”Swerte talaga! Pwede ka na raw mag-start next week!”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

MAN TO PSYCHIATRIST: ‘You have to help me, Doctor. I’m starting to believe I’m a woman.’
PSYCHIATRIST: ‘Why do you think that?’
MAN: ‘It was something my gynecologist said to me the other day.’ ‘

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

And what was the extent of the defendant’s involvement in this matter?’ the judge asked the woman in a paternity case. She replies, ‘Oh, about 10 inches.’

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

Sa isang ospital…

Misis: “Doc!… Doc!… Doc!… “
Doktor: “Anu po yun, misis?”
Misis: “Doc, paki tingnan naman ang anak ko, nangingitim.“
Doctor: “Ay!! Huwag po kayong mag-alala kasi ang anak ninyo ITA.”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

Paano kung biglang tumulo ang laway mo habang natutulog sa jeep?

“ano ba yan ang init naman sa jeep, pati bibig ko pinagpapawisan.”

SMS courtesy of Mike

* * * *

Dasal ng girls:

Age 20:”Lord, I want d best man.”
Age 25:”Lord, I want a gud man.”
Age 30:”Lord, I want any man.”
Age 40: “Lord, pls naman!”

SMS courtesy of Pryss

* * * *

To receive this blogs articles for FREE on your email inbox, just enter your email address below and click 'Go': Delivered by FeedBurner