Anak: “itay ano sa english ang utot?”
Itay: “wind of change”
anak:e “yung utot na walang tunog?”
Itay: “sound of silence”
anak: “yung utot na me dalang ebak?”
Itay: “dust in d wind”
anak: “e yung di snasadyang utot?”
Itay: “yan ang careless whisper!”
Anak: “yung utot na nakalabas kahit pinigilan?”
Itay: “yan ang pborito ko! UNCHAINED MELODY!”
SMS courtesy of Smythballs
* * * *
A gorgeous lady was sitting in a bar:
Guy: “Hi der!”
The lady ignored him.
Guy: “U caught my attention as I entered the bar, is it ok if I get your number?”
Lady: “if you have a BMW, a house in Boracay, A million peso bank acount & a 7-inch penis, then u can get my number. But I guess u don’t have them. So d answer is NO!”
Guy: “I dont have all of those. I just have a Ferrari, an Island, a Billion-dollar bank account. And excuse me! i won’t cut my penis 3 inches short just for your number.
SMS courtesy of 9163583333
* * * *
One day i read smoking is bad so i stop smoking.
I read drinking is bad so i stop drinking!
Then i read sex is bad!
Hmmm..
so i stop reading!
READING is BAD!
SMS courtesy of 9163583333
* * * *
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve walking in the Garden of Eden.
‘Look at their reserve, their calm,’ muses the Brit. ‘They must be British!’
‘Nonsense,’ the French disagrees. ‘They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, the are French.
‘It’s obvious they are Russians,’ argues the Russian. ‘They have no clothes and no shelter, they have only an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise!’
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
Judges don’t always seem to make sense. A man found himself in front of a judge on 2 matters.
In the first, the man’s wife was trying to get a divorce because he was impotent. In the 2nd, his secretary wanted child support.
The man lost both cases.
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
LIFE
‘But you know what life really is?
You’re born, you suck your mother’s tits.
You get a little older, you suck your girlfriend’s tits.
You get married, you suck your wife’s tits.
That’s what life is.
Life sucks!’
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
Some men have split personalities..
They hate CATS but love PUSSIES!
Other men are different..
They hate DOGS but they like their STYLE…
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
From a Shrink:
‘Natural sa mga Filipino ang pagkakaroon ng ‘crab mentality,’ kaya mahirap ang nasa itaas..
Para kang panty na marami ang naghahangad na maibaba.’
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
GIRL:” aLam mo ba, ikaw lang ang naiiba sa Lahat ng nanLiLigaw sa akin..”
BOY: “taLaga? bakit naman?” *ngiti*
GIRL: “kc ikaw Lang ang waLang pag-asa..”
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
Ang babaeng hinugot sa aking tadyang. -MARIAN RIVERA-
Ang babaeng sumipsip nG tAba sA akiNg tAdyANg. -VICKI BELO-
Ang mgA bAbAeng waLang tAdyang. -SEXB0MBGIRLS-
Ang bAbaeng mUkhang tadyang. -POKWANG-
SMS courtesy of wow_kalabaw
* * * *
2 whales playing, using their blowholes capsize a ship. Seeing the crew in the water, one says, “Let’s eat them.” The other answers, “Naah. I only do blowjobs, I don’t eat seamen.”
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
Tip for a Long Life:
Huwag isusulat ang name mo sa condolence book pag dumadalaw ka sa patay kasi pagkatapos ng libing, merong raffle kung sino ang isusunod!
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
A Man is visiting his wife in d hospital wer she has bin in a coma for 8 yrs. Dis visit he decides 2 rub her left breast wyl talking 2 her.On doing dis she lets out a sigh. Man runs out & tells d doc who sez dis is a gud sign & suggests he try rubbing her right breast 2 c if der’s any reaction.
Man goes in & rubs her right breast & dis brings a moan from his wife. He rushes out & tells d doc. Doc sez dis is amazing & a real breakthrough.
Obviously d sexual stimulation is getting thru 2 d woman’s brain. Doc den suggests d man go in & try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it’s a personal act & he doesn’t want d man to be embarrassed. Man goes in den cums out about 5 minutes later white as a sheet & tells d doc his wife is dead! Doc is shocked & asks wat happened. “She choked!!”
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
A husband explains to the guys at the bar…
‘Do you know why I left her? She started to use four-letter words like:
Find Work!’
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
A guy asks a girl out on a date after meeting her in a bar. She asks, ‘what kind of car do you drive?’
He replies, ‘A VW Bug.’
She scornfully says, ‘That’s awfully small!’ and he replies, ‘Don’t worry, ‘I’m not going to screw you with the car!’
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
This exchange was overheard between the separated sections of a jail..
A male voice yells over to the female side: ‘I got 12 inches over here you would like to have.’
The female response was, ‘Well, spit it out, it isn’t yours!’
SMS courtesy of Mike
* * * *
