FG: ”Dear, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal, pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon? “
PGMA: Mukha kang pera!
* * * *
A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman wanted to stock up. She was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepacked portion of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher who told her he’ll pack some more trays for her.
After a few minutes later, she heard the butcher’s voice booming over the PA system, ‘Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.’
* * * *
A boy asked mom how he got into her tummy, she told him that daddy pushed him in. When he asked how daddy pushed, she answered “hard, & over & over & over..” 
* * * *
Man goes to optometrist’s office.
He opens the door and says to the receptionist, ‘I think I need my eyes checked.’
She says, ‘You’re kidding. This is the ladies room.’
* * * *
Ito’y parte ng katawan ng babae na mahirap niya makita kung walang salamin.
4 letters lang ito.
Ang unang letter ay ‘P’.
Ito’y napapaligiran ng buhok at minsan kumakati.
Maaari ding ito’y mabasa. Ano ito?
Palagay ko,
mali ang iniisip mo…
dahil…
ito ay…
ang…
PUYO!…
* * * *
A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave saw a single bat STANDING upright underneath on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask, ‘What the heck are you doing down there?’
And the fellow yells back, ‘YOGA!’
* * * *
3 very rich men, trying 2 impress each other, when they notice diamond on d floor.
One said,” its not mine, my rings have bigger diamond.”
2ND: “its not mine,my pendants r much bigger.”
3RD: “Oh, it must b mine, I’m missing a shirt botton!”
* * * *
‘Good Old Days:’
-10 cents ang pamasahe.
-kandong libre pa.
-Girl lang ang may hikaw.
-Convict lang ang may tatoo.
-Central Market and Carriedo ang shopingan.
-5 cents lang ang softdrinks.
-Manual typwriter pa ang gamit.
-Black & white ang TV.
IF you remember those, talagang SENIOR ka na..
But if youdon’t, Ay naku! Alzheimer’s na yan! Maghanda ka na ng diaper! 
* * * *
ERAP: “BAGSAK KA NA NAMAN! BA’T D MO GYAHIN C CHIZ, LAGNG MY HONOR.”
JINGGOY: “UNFAIR NMAN PARA IKUMPARA NYOKO KE CHIZ DAD, EH, MATALINO TATAY NUN!”
* * * *
Confucius says : “Man with tool in woman’s mouth not necessarily a DENTIST!”
* * * *
The young virgin farm boy drives to the big city in search of a prostitute. He finds one, and explains he has never had sex before.
The hooker says, ‘No problem, honey.’
She undresses the boy, then herself, and lies down on the bed. He crawls on top of her. ‘Okay, stick it in honey… all the way in… now pull it out… now put it back in… now pull it out..’
‘For Christ’s sake,’ says the boy, ‘will you make up your fucking mind?’
* * * *
At a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her husband, ‘That’s not true! I do enjoy sex!’
Then, turning to the counselor, she explained, ‘But this animal expects it four or five times a year!’
** All above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE
