Inday may nakabanggang bading:
Inday: “How dare you ignorant road occupant, moving w/ such acceleration that cause elastic collision between my porcelain beauty and your grubby apparency of skin!”
Bading: “Bombalesh kang muchacha ka! Kenshulares mo makemer ang skin kong beauty! Never mo matorbokels ang feslak ketch kung ayaw mer makondrak kta. Hala. Chupi!”
Inday: (nosebleed)
taub!
SMS courtesy of Smythballs
* * * *
Sa isang beerhouse…
GRO: “Pogi, umorder ka na. Nagugutom na ako!”
CUSTOMER: “Waiter!”
WAITER: “Ano’ng order nyo, sir?”
CUSTOMER: “Palitan mo ang babaeng ‘to! Nagugutom daw sya!”
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * * *
The Philippines has been dislodged by Indonesia and Thailand as the most corrupt economy according to the March 2009 survey by the Political and Risk Consultancy. Six nations are now perceived to be more corrupt than the Philippines. That’s what happens when the First Gentleman ‘underperforms.’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * * *
Top 10 things a woman would do if she woke up in the morning with a penis:
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at the urinal.
6. Determine why you can’t hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it’s like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch/Shift yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may be to others.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the reason for the light refraction that occurs between man’s eyes and the ruler situated next to his member.
And the # 1 thing a woman would do is:
1. Repeat # 9.
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * * *
“Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.” – PR0VERBS 31:6-7
‘yan na oh. nakasaad na sa bible. alak para sa mga problemado. 
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * * *
As the young couple parked in a crowded lovers’ lane, she sighed romantically, ‘It’s lovely out here tonight. Just listen to the crickets.’
‘Those aren’t crickets,’ her date replied. ‘They’re zippers!’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * * *
A drunk enters a Baptist church. He lined up behind a queue of people. When it was his turn, he found himself in a baptismal pool!
The minister dunked his head into the water & pulls it out, asking, “Have you found Jeeesus!”
“Nope” splutters the drunk.
The minister dunks him a much longer time then pulls him out & again asked, “Have you found Jeeesus!”
The drunk gasped, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * * *
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’m having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick in the stomach.”
DOCTOR: “Hmmm, that does sounds serious. Let me see it.”
Patient sticks out his tongue….
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * * *
Bakit ang mga lalaki, gustong matikman muna ang babae bago pakasalan?
Dahil… it pays to check the label.
Malay mo, expired na!
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * *
Holy Week is over. You know what that means?
After cleansing their souls, our senators and congressman will be back again soon to dirty themselves in preparation for next year’s Lent… 
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * *
Tumigil ang engine ng eroplano nina Erap at Jinggoy kaya binigyan sila tig-isang parachute para makatalon palabas.
Tumalon si Erap at bumukas agad ang kanyang parachute.
Sumunod si Jinggoy, pero butas ang parachute niya kaya bumulusok pababa.
Nakita ni Erap ito at sumigaw siya: ‘Karera pala ang gusto mo ha? Teka!’, sabay alis ni Erap ng suot niyang parachute para maunahan si Jinggoy!
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * * *
Nang malaman ni ex-Senator Sonny Osmena na nagre-recruit si SC Chief Justice Reynato Puno ng mga miyembro para sa 8-man group ng ‘Moral Force Movement,’ sabi niya…
‘Moral Force?! Sounds exciting without the M!’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
* * * *
Spouses viewing the body of his mom-in-law at the funeral parlor. As he began to weep, his wife slapped him “why are you crying, you never liked my mom”
Husband: “I thought i saw her move!”
SMS courtesy of Smythballs
* * * *
Husband:”sabi mo lagi tayo magsasama kahit anong mangyari, now baon ako sa utang iiwan mo ko?”
Wife:”di ba promise ko till DEBT do us part.” ü
SMS courtesy of Smythballs
* * * *
JUAN: “kape nga, w/milk.”
WAITER: “10 pesos sir.”
JUAN: “8 lang kahapon.”
Waiter: “tumaas kasi ang presyo ng gasolina sir.”
JUAN: “wag mo ng lagyan ng gasolina! Punyeta!”
SMS courtesy of Smythballs
* * * *
‘Pitong katutuhanan sa mundo..
1st-mata mo lang ang di m0 kaya’ng sabonan..
2nd-di mo kaya’ng bilangin buhok mo!
3rd- di lahat ng ngipin mo ay abot ng dila mo..’
4th- susubukan ng mga tanga ang pangatlo.,
5th-inicip mUng abot pala ng dila mo lahat ng ngipin m0,’ nung Sinubukan mo.!
6th- napapangiti ka kasi nagmUkha kang tanga.
7th- ipapasa m0 sa iba para mka ganti ka.!’!..
SMS courtesy of Daxjeremy
