GIRL: itay nagbold po ako sa magasin. Nasa page 10 picture ko.
ITAY: Kinakahiya kita! Sa palagay m0 ba may mas nakakahiya pa sa ginawa mo?
Girl: meron pa po tay, si inay nasa page 16..!
SMS courtesy of JEN
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“sa akin ka nga nakahawak ng mahigpit, sa kanya ka naman nakatitig.” -mouse nagseselos sa m0nitor!
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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DAD: Laki ng PLDT bills dito sa bahay. i don’t use this phone naman, i use my office phone.
MOM: Same here. I use my work phone.
SON: Me too, i use my company phone.
INDAY: So what’s the problem? We all use the phone in our work, di ba?
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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LOLO: ano kaya ibalik natin ang nakaraan nung bago pa lang tayo magsyota?
LOLA: o cge
LOLO: cge bukas dun tayo magkita sa dati nating tag-puan ha!
LOLA: oo hintayin mo na lang ako dun.
Naghintay si lolo sa may tabing ilog dala ang 3 rosas w/ chocolate. Maghapon si lolo naghintay ngunit walang dumating. Kaya umuwi na lang siya. Pagdating sa bahay nadatnan si lola nakahiga at tumatawa.
LOLO: bakit di mo ko sinipot?
LOLA: di ako pinayagan ni mommy!!
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Two Priests went to Boracay for a vacati0n. They wore trunks so they can fit-in. While sun bathing, a very sexy girl n a T-Back Bikini walked by & said, “Hi Fathers!” they were amazed. The next day they changed outfits & the same girl greeted them again.
The priests asked, “How did you know we are Priests?” The girl replied. “Hellooow?! Father it’s me, Sister Agnes po!!!” ü:-)
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Pacquiao: Are u depressed?
Bishop: No. Am happy.
Pacquiao: U look depressd.
Bishop: No. Am happy because its easter!
Pacquiao: Ur in white. U must be depressed.
Bishop: White? Ahh yes. I am…. the priest!
Pacquiao: Dats wat i mint.
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Sa ospital, nagfifill-up si lola ng medical record
Lola: magtanong na nga iha, ano ba ilalagay dine sa status?
Nurse: ahmm may asawa po ba kayo lola?
Lola: meron.
Nurse: married na lang lagay mo ‘la.
Lola: hindi naman kami kasal eh, flirt flirt lang yun..
Nurse: Hmmnn cge lagay nyo na lang po single.
Lola: pero nagsecret marriage kasi kami dati sa brgy..
Nurse: ahmmm..Cge po..lagay nyo na lang..
“It’s complicated”..
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Hating Unggoy:
UNGGOY1: hahatiin natin yung saging sa 3 ha!
UNGGOY2: bakit 3? e, 2 lang tayo!
UNGGOY1: gusto mo mamatay! e, yang si MIKE Arroyo. hihingi sigurado?
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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A drunk man in a bar tells the bartender that he can fart out the tune of the Star Spangled Banner!
Everyone who heard this wants to see him do it. So he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and dumps a massive load on the bar counter.
After he finishes, the angry bartender asks, ‘Why in the hell did you shit on my bar?’
The drunk replies, ‘Even Elvis has to clear his throat!’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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A drunk man rode a bus & sat beside a priest. His shirt was stained, his face full of lipstick marks, & had a half empty bottle of scotch in his hand. As he read his newspaper, he asked the priest: Father, what causes arthritis?
PRIEST: Mister, it’s caused by leading a wild life cavorting with women, too much alcohol & indulging in other forms of vice.
DRUNK: Imagine that! It says in this paper that the Pope has arthritis!
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Despite the serious shortage of priests, the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines has rejected the idea of accepting gay applicants to the priesthood. Asked why, a CBCP official said, ‘Heller! Gusto mong ma-imbyerna ang Papa?!’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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A speeding sports car trailed by a mobile patrol took time before it stopped in a roadside.
POLICE: Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes & today is Friday. I don’t want to go thru the hassle of paperwork. So, if you can give me any reason that I’ve never heard before why you were speeding, I’ll let you go.
DRIVER: Years ago my wife ran off with a mobile police officer, & I thought you were bringing her back.
POLICE: You are free to go Sir. Gud day.
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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A guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. He was captured when his get-away van ran out of gas. When asked how he masterminded such a daring and otherwise brilliant crime and then make such an obvious error…
…He replied, ‘I had no MONET to buy DEGAS to make the VAN GOGH..’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
