Bakit ang Pinoy, hindi tama sumagot maski maayos ang tanong?
1. Kumain ka na? - Busog pa ako
2. Nandyan ba nanay mo? - Bakit po?
3. Anong oras klase mo? - Mamaya
4. Saan kayo galing? - Lumabas lang kami
5. Paano mo ginawa yan? -Madali lang
6. Bakit wala ka kahapon? -Absent ako
7. Anong oras na? -Maaga pa!
And my favorite:
8. Saan ka na? -Malapit na ako, wait lang!
SMS courtesy of SMYTHBALLS
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Teacher: “class, our lesson for today is about planets. Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. Now, what’s next to Mercury? “
Pedro: ”… parang watsons drugstore sir!”
SMS courtesy of SMYTHBALLS
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EXPAND your Pinoy style vocabulary:
CONTEMPLATE - kulang ang plato
PUNCTUATION - pera para pang enroll
ICE BUKO - ayos na buhok ko?
CALCULATOR -tawagan kita mamaya
TENACIOUS - sapatos pang tennis
DEVASTATION -yung station ng bus
DEDICATE - patay ang pusa
ASPECT -pantusok ng yelo
DEDUCT - ang pato
PERSUADING - unang kasal
DEPRESS - nagkasal sa persuading
CITY - numiru bago mag utso
STATUE - ikaw ba yan?
ISSUE - ikaw nga!!!
SMS courtesy of SMYTHBALLS
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Th0ught Of The Day:
“Di baleng Wala kang tul0g…Kesa naman wala kang gising.”
SMS courtesy of SMTYHBALLS
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When a person tells you, “ang ganda/gwapo mo!”
It’s good to answer with, “Thank you… sana ikaw din..”
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Kung nakukulitan ka sa mga sales ladies na nagtatanong ng, ‘Ano po ang hinahanap nila?‘…
Pwes sabihin mo sa kanila, ‘pagmamahal at pang-unawa.’
Ewan ko na lang kung kukulitin ka pa nila.
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Another Though For The Day:
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance…
baffle them with bullshit.
(Dedicated ito sa mga politiko natin!)
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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That’s nothing…
Malacanang has its own lucky bitch since 2001!
ETONG SA’YO:
Investigators say Ted Failon Etong’s wife sustained a gunshot wound to her head. When Senator Lapid heard this, he said, ‘Gunshot wound?! Grabe naman! Na-recover ba ang patalim?’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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He should know… He’s her counterpart.
Erap has bared the names of the opposition’s potential bets in the 2010 senatorial elections.
Liberal Party’s Mar Roxas II has also revealed his party’s three possible senatorial bets. Asked why he picked only 3, he said, ‘Bakit? Kasya po ba ang labindalawa sa pedicab?’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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QUOTABLE QUOTE:
‘Mar Roxas po.. dating palengkero, ngayon, pedicab driver na. Kapag di pa ko pumasok sa top 5 sa susunod na survey.. baka subukan ko naman ang ibang trabaho: street sweeper, construction worker, traffic enforcer, caregiver o kahit macho dancer. Bahala na. Basta ‘wag n’yong kakalimutan.. sama-sama tayo. Hindi ko kayo pababayaan. Lalaban tayo. At lahat nang ginagawa ko para sa bayan.’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Mar explaining his TV commercial:
‘Never pa akong nakasakay sa pedicab. Pero nang sabihin ng aking PR agency na kailangan kong sumakay dito for a TV ad, na-excite po ako. Imagine po nyo, apo ng isang dating presidente, dating DTI secretary at congressman, at ngayon, ay senador, sasakay ng padyak?! Hindi ko yata keri! Pero nagbago isip ko nang sabihin ng future wife ko, ‘Mar, handa ka na ba? You need to do this.. para kagatin ka ng masa.. Go ahead, honey, padyak your way to the palace!’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Pasyente: Doc, mgkano ang magpabunot?
Dentist: P300.
Pasyente: Mahal. Walang mura mura dyan?
Dentist: Kung walang anesthesia, P200.
Pasyente: Mas mababa pa dyan doc.
Dentist: Diretsong bunot, gamit ang pliers P100.
Pasyente: Last price na lang talaga doc.
Dentist: Oh cge. estudyante ang magbubunot P50.
Pasyente: Oki doki. Paki schedule ang Mrs ko bukas doc!
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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A man met his friend wearing a neckbrace. He asked his mate what happened.
He replied, ‘Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough. Then I met a chick looking for her ball too. Finding mine, I thought I’d give her a hand. There was a cow nearby and I noticed that every time the cow twitched its tail there was a flash of white. So I went over to it, and lifted its tail and sure enough there was the ball. I called out to the chick and said, ‘Lady, does this look like yours?’ And the bitch hit me in the neck with her driver.’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Armando went to his neighbor and asked, ‘Hey Carlos, do you like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way out?’
‘No,‘ says Carlos.
Armando asks, ‘Do you like a woman whose teets hang almost to her knees?’
‘No,’ says Carlos.
‘Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so mucho grande?’
‘Caramba! No, amigo!’ replied Carlos.
‘Theen tell me why,’ asked Armando, ‘do you keep screwing my wife?’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, ‘Let’s see. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry.’
Eye expressions:
o_o : Awake
-_- : Sleepy
ø_ø : teary
?_? : flirty
¤_¤ : shockd
@_@ : dizzy
$_$ $_$ $_$ $_$ : mata ng 1st family
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Man goes to see a shrink to complain about his girlfriend, ‘My Esther will stop at nothing to satisfy her lustful, kinky desires and bottomless sexual cravings. What can I do?’
The shrink says, ‘Tell her to make an appointment with me immediately.’
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting & couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life & give up me Irish Whiskey!”
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again & said, “Never mind, I found one.”
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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A British explorer is in deep jungle that no Westerner had ever reached. Early one morning, he arrives at a lake & sees a handsome dark young man swimming across. When he got to shore & stood up the explorer was amazed at the size of his penis – the longest and fattest he had ever seen.
He told his guide,
“Ask him how his penis got to be that size.”
Guide talks to the man who got very agitated.
“Well, what did he say?” asked our hero to his assistant.”He said, ‘Doesn’t the white man’s shrink in cold water too?‘”
SMS courtesy of MIKE
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