TATAY: Bakit hinimatay ang nanay mo?
JR: Nagtext po si Kuya galing Saudi, nagpatuli sya, pero pa-inglis-inglis ang txt nya: ‘JUST BEHEADED TODAY.’
* * * *
Q&A sa isang beauty contest…
HOST: Matutuwa ka ba kung bibigyan ka ng flowers ng boyfriend mo?
KANDIDATA: Hindi na uso yan, no?! Mas matutuwa ako kung didiligan nya ang flower ko!
* * * *
Sa isang gameshow:
HOST: Anong ‘H’ ang ingles ng takdang aralin?
CONTESTANT: (sure na sure at pinagsigawan ang sagot niya) HASAYNMENT! HASAYNMENT!
* * * *
Vote me for PRESIDENT!
maglilingkod sa bayan
magpapatayo ng pasugalan
Legal na drugs sa loob ng eskwelahan
Legal na ang burnout sa caltex
legal narin ang karerahan sa Macapagal
At kapag ako ang binoto nyo pinapangako ko…
Lahat ng tambay may sweldo
MgA adik pensiOnAdo
at ang mga Lasinggero
may sarili ng disco!
* * * *
What happens if you put a bomb in a girl’s bra?…you get tit bits!
What do you get if you put a bomb in a guys underwear?….
you get banana splits!:-D
* * * *
Inspirational Thought of the Day:
Ba’t mo iisipin pangit ka kung paldo naman ang wallet mo?
Mamatay sila sa inggit, no?!
* * * *
A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoys water sports, like company, favors formal attire, and was very small.
The computer ran faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.
* * * *
BoyfrieNd wAnt To hav sEx w/GF buT ashAmeD of his smalL orGan.
DEcided to bring GF iN darK pLaCe, 0pen His zipper & put penis in GF’s hand.
GF: N0 tnx, I D0NT SM0KE!
* * * *
The Versatile “Fuck”
1)Surprise-”What d fuck are you doing here?”
2)Fraud-”I got fucked by d car dealer.”
4)Trouble-”I guess I’m fucked now.”
5)Aggression-”FUCK YOU!”
6)Disgust-”Fuck me.”
7)Confusion-”What the fuck…?”
8)Difficulty-”I don’t understand this fucking business!”
9)Lost-”Where the fuck are we?”
10)Denial-”I didn’t fucking do it.”
11)Apathy-”Who really gives a fuck?”
12)Suspicion-”Who the fuck are you?”
13)Panic-”Let’s get the fuck out of here!
* * **
All above SMS courtesy of MIKE
