M A R U I S M

GIRL: itay nagbold po ako sa magasin. Nasa page 10 picture ko.
ITAY: Kinakahiya kita! Sa palagay m0 ba may mas nakakahiya pa sa ginawa mo?
Girl: meron pa po tay, si inay nasa page 16..!

SMS courtesy of JEN

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“sa akin ka nga nakahawak ng mahigpit, sa kanya ka naman nakatitig.”  -mouse nagseselos sa m0nitor!

SMS courtesy of MIKE

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DAD: Laki ng PLDT bills dito sa bahay. i don’t use this phone naman, i use my office phone.
MOM: Same here. I use my work phone.
SON: Me too, i use my company phone.
INDAY: So what’s the problem? We all use the phone in our work, di ba?

 SMS courtesy of MIKE

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Inday may nakabanggang bading:

Inday: “How dare you ignorant road occupant, moving w/ such acceleration that cause elastic collision between my porcelain beauty and your grubby apparency of skin!”
Bading: “Bombalesh kang muchacha ka! Kenshulares mo makemer ang skin kong beauty! Never mo matorbokels ang feslak ketch kung ayaw mer makondrak kta. Hala. Chupi!”
Inday: (nosebleed)

taub!

SMS courtesy of Smythballs

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Sa isang beerhouse…

GRO: “Pogi, umorder ka na. Nagugutom na ako!”
CUSTOMER: “Waiter!”
WAITER: “Ano’ng order nyo, sir?”
CUSTOMER: “Palitan mo ang babaeng ‘to! Nagugutom daw sya!”

SMS courtesy of MIKE

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Juan: “Bago pintura bubong mo!
Pedro: “advise ni Fr Jose sa Misa kahapon eh!.”
Juan: “ano ba sabi ni Father?”
Pedro: “Sabi nya sa Misa, “REPENT! REPENT!” 

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PGMA’s 7 Last Words:.  

7. Ama, patawarin mo ako dahil hindi ko alam ang aking mga pinaggagawa.
6. Sinabi ko sa’yo Mike: Ngayon din isasama kita sa aking self-exile.
5. Mga anak (sa mga Pinoy).. Ako ang ina n’yo! Ako ang ina n’yong lahat!
4. Iggy, Mikey, lama sabacthani? (translation: mga kaalyado sa kongreso, bakit n’yo ako pinabayaan?)
3. Natatakot ako!
2. Naganap na! (ang election sa 2010 at may bagong pangulo na!)
1. Asawa ko, sa mga kamay mo’y ipinagtatagubilin ko ang mga nakulimbat natin sa palasyo! 

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Breaking news!  
This just came in!
Oil companies are hiking pump prices this week…
in observance of…
‘MAHAL na Araw.’

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FG: ”Dear, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal, pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon? “

PGMA: Mukha kang pera!

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A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman wanted to stock up. She was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepacked portion of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher who told her he’ll pack some more trays for her. 

After a few minutes later, she heard the butcher’s voice booming over the PA system, ‘Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.’

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Question: Difference between Pacman’s favorite car and favorite food? 
Answer: Favorite car – Mercedes Beans. Favorite food - Pork and Benz.

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Ang trabaho ay parang isang mahabang byahe… 

ang sarap tulugan… 

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A man brings a hooker to his room, turn off d lights, climb to bed & have sex.
When finish, he jump up, run to the window, take a deep breath, dive under d bed,come out d other side,
jump back in2 bed & fuck again, the hooker is impressd with the gusto of the 2nd encounter.
When finished, the man jumps up, runs over 2 d window, take a deep breath, dive under the bed, come out the other side, jump back to bed & fuck again.
The Hooker is amaze as this sequence repeated 4 times.
After d 5th encore, she decides to try it herself.
She jump up, go to the window, take a deep breath, dive under the bed…
and finds 4 men! 

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