GRO: Ano ang best moment mo sa buhay?
LALAKE: Best moment ko sa buhay ko… kapag ibinukaka mo legs mo. Ikaw ano ang best moments mo?
GRO: Kapag binuka mo ang wallet mo…!
* * * *
May babaeng pumasok sa simbahan na walang damit.
Pari: Huwag kayong titingin sa babaeng yan. Ang tumingin mabubulag.
Chinese: (tinakpan ang isang mata) Ako, hende na baleng mulak, isa mata lang.
* * * *
Tower: PAL 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7
PAL: Tower, PAL 702 switching to Departure… by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.
Tower: Cebu Pacific 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7… did you copy the report from PAL?
CEBU PACIFIC: Switching to departure… and yes, we copied PAL and we’ve already notified our caterers.
* * * *
Oppps! Patalastas muna tayo….mula sa Silk Soft.
Umihi na ang mga gustong umihi….at marami pang susunod na mga SMS jokes. 
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Diba second tayo sa pinaka corrupt sa Asia?
You know why we didn’t get the first place?
Kasi…
NAGLAGAY tayo!
* * * *
Man teases ex-wife’s new husband, ‘So how was the second hand stuff?’
New Hubby: ‘After the first 3-4 inches, she’s all brand new!’
* * * *
A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.
‘How do they feel?’ asks the sales clerk. ‘Well… they feel a bit tight.’ replies the man.
The clerk bends down and has a look at the shoes and the man’s feet. ‘Try pulling the tongue out.’ offers the clerk.
‘Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.‘ he says.
* * * *
A Short History of Medicine:
I have an earache…
2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2002 A.D. – That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
* * * *
There’ will be times when you feel like giving up due to all the problems your going thru.
Life may be unfair, but just remember that when you cant stand it anymore..
SIT DOWN
-k0rek.. nakakapag0d naman kaya tumayo forever.:-P
* * * *
6 things na wish m0ng sabihin ng nanay m0 say0:
1.anak gising na? Kung ant0k ka pa tul0g ka pa mag pa-late ka na lang sa subject m0
2. Oh eto all0wance m0 may dagdag yan pang gimik m0
3.am0y alak ka? Nag jaming kay0? Di m0h ko sinama!
4. Gabi na ah, tul0g kana bukas samahan m0h ko bili tay0 ng bag0ng cellphone m0
5.tumawag dean nyo! Bagsak ka daw! Di bale ok lang yan may next sem pa naman eh.
6. Nanjan bf mo,papasukin ko na ba sa kwarto m0? 
* * * *
A distraught patient called her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication had prescribed was for the rest of her life. She was told that it was.
There was a stunned silence before she replied, ‘I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. Your prescription is marked, ‘NO REFILLS.”
* * * *
The UN World Food Programme has named young star KC Concepcion as the Philippines’ ambassador against hunger…
mainly because every time Pinoys stare at her mother… busog na sila!
* * * *
Warning! The Swine Flu Epidemic is spreading and dangerously contagious! Avoid shaking hands or contact with politicians, specially congressmen who havea passion for Pork. Situation extremely dangerous! Warn your friends.
* * * *
Husband and wife were at a volleyball game when they noticed a couple in the bleachers. They were being affectionate. She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her too.
WIFE: I don’t know whether to watch them or the game.
HUSBAND: Watch THEM! You already KNOW how to play volleyball.
* * * *
Fiscal: You say this woman shot her husband at close range?
Witness: Yes, sir, that’s right!
Fiscal: Any powder marks on the body?
Witness: Yes, sir, that’s why she shot him. May kissmark pa nga eh!
* * * *
There was an exhibitionist who was taking an airplane trip. At the top of the plane’s stairs a stewardess was collecting tickets.
When the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself. ‘I’m sorry, sir. You have to show your ticket here, not your stub,’ the stewardess said.
* * * *
Mar Roxas nakasakay sa pedicab.
BOY: Ganito po buhay samin, walang makain, walang pambili ng gamot…
MAR: Anak, itabi mo..Ako na.
Hindi ako kita ng mga tao sa labas. Palit tayo ng puwesto. P… Ina!
* * * *
When staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball.
When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball.
Top management discusses golf.
Conclusion: The higher up you are in managent, the smaller your balls are.
* * * *
“OPLAN TULI”
Nanay:Sakit imo tuli?
Anak: dili man.
Nay:Ngano hilak man ka?
Anak:Gipatikan nila ako oten ug.. “THRU THE iNiTiATiVE OF CONG. RUFUS RODRiGUEZ!” yawa!
* * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE
