SMS Jokes 05.08.09 (Friday)

Breaking news!

Hatton bibisita sa Pilipinas!

Mamimili daw ng maraming Alaxan kasi masakit ang katawan!

* * * *

Woman: Atty., I can’t bear my husband anymore!
Lawyer: Well, magpa annul ka.

After one week…

Woman: Atty., I’m OK na. My husband has improved. Masarap pala magpa ANAL!

* * * *

A priest wrote on the signboard… “I pray for all.”
The lawyer wrote underneath… “I plead for all.”
The doctor added… “I prescribe for all.”
The citizen wrote… “I pay for all.”

* * * *

“I want to divorce my husband because he has a lousy memory!”
“Why would you want to divorce him for that?”
“Every time he gets around a young woman, he keeps forgetting that he’s married!”

* * * *

May-ari: Hoy! Animal ka! Ikaw pala ang nagnanakaw ng niyog namin ha! Baba!
Magnanakaw: Nahuli na kung nahuli! Bakit kelangan pa manggulat?!! Eh kung mahulog ako dito?!! Gago!!!

* * * *

INA: ikaw na bata ka! Nagpunta ka nga ba sa gay bar?
ANAK: opo!
INA: ano ang nakita mo dun na di mo dapat makita?
ANAK: si itay po.. Ang landi! Tumitili pa! 😀

* * * *

7 Stages Of Married couples’sex lives:

1. Tri-weekly
2. Try weekly
3. Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5. Try yoga
6. Try viagra
7. Try to remember

* * * *

Siksikan sa MRT…

Sexy:Hoy bastos! Ikiskis mo kaya sa pader yang kargada mo at huwag sa puwetan ko!
Manong: Aba, miss! Suweldo ko yang nakabukol sa pantalon ko noh!
Sexy: Aba’y pambihira! Eh ilang beses kong naramdaman tumaas yang suweldo mo noh!

* * * *

Loi was playing cards when Erap called.
Erap asks, “What are you playing?”
Loi replies, “Solitaire.”
Erap said, “Talaga? Sino kalaro mo?”

* * * *

A man was walking when a voice said, “Stop! Watch out!”, then a brick fell in front of him.
“Who are you?”
“Your guardian angel!”
“Oh yeah, where were you when I got married?”

* * * *

“Everytime, I see you, you take my heart away… and everytime, my heart grows back, you keep stealing it, leaving me alive but hurting…“- puno ng saging, nageemote

* * * *

LAS VEGAS UPDATE!

Nanay Dionisia gets marriage proposal from F. Mayweather Sr!

* * * *

BOGS: Totoo bang na-hospital si Jun dahil sa swine flu?
BEN: Hindi totoo, pre! Na-hospital si Jun dahil sa WINE at FLUTAN!

* * * *

A woman sitting on a park bench decided that, since no one else was around, she could stretch out her legs a while. Soon, a beggar walked up to her and said, “Hi ya, honey! How about a little kiss?” The woman snarled, “How dare you? I don’t even know you!!” The beggar replied, “I don’t know you either, but yet here you are… sitting on my bed!”

* * * *

ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE

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