SMS Jokes 05.14.09 (Thursday)

Consider the following:
Female guitar player shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall:
“Don’t forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string!”

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Sign posted in a bathroom:
“We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!”

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It’s funny how 90 people get the swine flu and everyone wears face masks, but over millions get aids and no one wears a condom!

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A Nurse come in Doc’s Room.
Docs : Why is your 1 boob out of your shirt?
Nurse : Oh! These medical students never put the things in place after use.

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A male-to-female transexual was being interviewed on a radio talk show.
The DJ asked the transexual “What sort of pain did you experience during the operation?”
The transexual replied, “Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn’t hurt as much. Then they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn’t hurt either…
What really hurt was when they removed half my brain & doubled the size of my mouth!”

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Love is a complicated machinery.
But sometimes all you need to fix it…
is a good SCREW. Awoooh!

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Too much scotch, Sexy babes, Extra-marital affairs and Hot and wild sex are man’s worst enemies.
But remember
A man who runs away from his enemies is a coward.

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Laguna Rep. Edgar San Luis has filed a resolution seeking to confer honorary citizenship on Pacman’s coach Freddie Roach. The resolution has the support of PGMA, the country’s honorary president.

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On the plane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned to his secretary sitting next to him and asked, “What’s a 4-letter word ending in ‘unt’ which means ‘woman’?”

The secretary said, “Did you try ‘aunt’?

The Pope replied, “Mmmmm. Do you have an eraser?”

* * * *

A woman in a hospital’s delivery room, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head.

“There was this black guy once,” she said to the ob-gyne. Then she yelled again and out pops a yellow body. “That must be the Jap guy I slept with,” she said. Then one more scream and the baby’s white legs were born, “Ah, that was the husband’s bit” she said.

The doc held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby starts crying. The mother looked at the doc and said, “Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark!”

* * * *

“Miss, we can’t employ you as a model,” the editor of a men’s magazine said. “It’s too obvious that your blonde hair isn’t natural, since the hair between your legs is black.”

The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the ed’s fingers.

“What the hell did you that for!” he exploded. She smiled sweetly and replied, “Look at your fingers. They’re turning black, right? And they’ve only been banged once.”

* * * *

A young blonde goes to the doctor for a physical. The doc put his stethoscope up to the girl’s chest and says, “Big breaths…” The girl replies, “Yeth and I’m not even thirteen.”

* * * *

Mohammad entered his classroom. “What is ur name?” asked the teacher.
“Mohammad,” he answered.
“Here in France, there is no Mohammad. From now on ur name will be Jean-Francois,” said the teacher.
After class, Mohammad returned home. “The day went well Mohammad?” asked his mother.
“My name is not Mohammad. I am in France now & my name is Jean-Francois.”
“Ah, are u ashamed of ur name? Are u trying to disown ur parents??? Your heritage ??? Shame on u!”.
..And she beat him.
Then she called the father & he too beat him hard.
The next day Mohammad returned to school. When the teacher saw him with allthe bruises she asked : “What happened my little Jean-Francois?”
“Well, Madame, 2 hours after becoming French I was attacked by 2 Arab terrorists.”

* * * *

Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom.
Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes, and then says, “Dammit, I said UP.”

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Old age is when candlelight dinners are no longer romantic because you can’t read the menu.

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The man with the most money isn’t always the HAPPIEST person…

His WIFE IS!

* * * *

And now from our favorite fairy tales…
Why does Peter Pan Fly?
You’d fly too if you get hit in the peter with a pan. :)

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**ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE

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