Nauso noon ang TEST TUBE babies. Ngayon may proposal na sa lata na lang mag-mate ang sperm cells, at tatawagin ‘tong CANNED TOT!
* * * *
Juan nakatabi sa 1 ka car na naka wrong parking. Dumating ang Pulis.
JUAN: Sir, pasensya na po! (Pulis issue tiket at nilagay sa windshield). Bobo kang pulis! (Pulis issue 2nd tiket). Tanga kang pulis! (Pulis issue 3rd tiket. Naka 10 tiket na after 5 minutes).
JUAN: O cge sir, nandito na yata yong ownerng kotse. Sakay na ako ng jeepney.
PULIS: Tang-ina, naisahan ako…
PRRIIITTT!!!
* * * *
#1: “Last Sunday I found a wallet packed with money down by the church.”
#2: “Did you give it back?”
#1: “Not yet. I’m still trying to decide if it’s a temptation from the devil or the answer to a prayer.”:-)
* * * *
Driving on hiway, a couple helped an injured skunk.
WIFE: The poor thing is shivering!
HUSBAND: Keep it warm between your legs.
WIFE: What about the smell?
HUSBAND: Cover its nose!
* * * *
A man’s seat at a theater is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher, “This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I’ll give you a handsome tip.”
The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher 5 pesos.
The usher leans over and whispers, “The wife did it.”
* * * *
A fellow picked up a girl and took her to his apartment. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they undressed, climbed into bed and got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing and said, “Your ORGAN. It’s a bit on the small side.” Hurt, he replied, “It’s not used to playing in CATHEDRALS.”
* * * *
An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital but didn’t make it.
She gave birth at the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, “Delivery Room Fee: P10,000.”
He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, a corrected bill came: “Green Fee: P1,000″
* * * *
Prior to Obama’s inauguration, all Iraqi women shaved their pubic hair and went to a rally with placards saying: “READ OUR LIPS… NO MORE BUSH!”
* * * *
Paano kung sinabihan ka ng crush mo na… “Alam mo tumataba ka, bumibilog at unti-unti kang nagiging mundo ko.” Magda-diet ka pa ba? 
* * * *
Kissing in the lips is great, but be sure you never close your eyes and not too long because you’ll encounter a strange feeling called “Lee Bog!”
* * * *
A man on wife’s bday had no money so he sent a cheque written “100 kisses”. When he got home, his wife said, tnx for d cheque. I got it cashd from bank manager!
* * * *
Girl1: Hi! It seems to me you are not feeling well today…
Girl2: Yes, I have a sore throat… It seems I will get ill.
Girl1: I know a very good cure for your throat. Every time I have sore throat, I blow my husband and the next day I feel great.
Girl2: Hmm, Ok.
The next day…
Girl1: Are you better today?
Girl2: (looking refreshed) I am fine, your idea was great… but your husband couldn’t believe it was your idea!!
* * * *
Doc: ur sex operation is a success, you now have a pussy.
Gay: thank you, doc.
Doc: by the way here’s your dick, I figure since you are so ugly, you will need it to fuck yourself.
* * * *
Be not afraid to loose or fail. No ocean is crossed til you sail. No battle won without a fight. No FUCK is good without a SUCK. Be strong. Have faith, lalabasan ka rin!
* * * *
NOON:
Maraming babae ang hindi maganda.
NGAYON:
Maraming maganda pero hindi naman babae.
* * * *
“Say, how old are you anyway?” asked a man as a young lass was disrobing.
“13.” she replied with a shy smile. “13??? My God girl!!! You get those clothes back on and get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?” he thundered.
Pausing at the door as she left, the perflexed nymphet smiled and said, “Supertitious, huh?”
* * * *
“I’m finished with my girlfriend!” exclaimed a boy to his friend. “She broke down and told me she was bisexual. Who the hell wants to screw just twice a year???”
* * * *
The old man was saying to his doc, “You know, Doc, when I was young, it was hard as a rock. As I got a little older, I could bend it a little, and now I bend it a lot. Does that mean I’m getting stronger?”
* * * *
Quote of the Day:
Sa English:
“I need inspiration, not commitment…”
Sa Tagalog:
“Kailangan ko ng gwapo, hindi boypren.”
* * * *
May oras na darating na kailangang palayain ang isang lalaki, di dahil ayaw mo na sa kanya, kundi alam mong mas sasaya siya kung hahayaan mo siyang magmahal sa kapwa nyang lalake. 
* * * *
When someone asks a girl why her relationship with her ex didn’t panned out, she simply answered,”…religion… Hindi siya kasi marunong sumamba sa dyosa.,!”:-P
* * * *
MALALIM NA TANONG:
Bakit nga ba ang kwan ng lalaki kung kelan buhay na buhay, saka ililibing? Bakit ang kwan naman ng babae kung kelan basang basa, saka didiligan? Paki eksplika nga.
* * * *
Be aware of the Swine Flu symptoms:
1. Sore throat
2. Persistent headache
3. Nausea or upset stomach
4. Fever and…
5. Uncontrollable urge to make love in the mud.
* * * *
Magsyota in car –
BF: Swithart, ganda boobs mo. Pasuso naman.
GF: Hiya ako.
BF: Cge na!
GF: Mahirap me bra ako!
BF: Please?
GF: EAT mo na lang ako, wala akong panty!
* * * *
A Pole, an Italian, and a German, all first-time fathers, are pacing nervously in the maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a black baby.
“Is it yours?” she asks the Italian.
“Certainly not,” he retorts.
“Yours?” she asks the Pole, who denies paternity.
“How about you?” she asks the German.
“Maybe,” he says glumly, “My wife burns everything!”
* * * *
A man went to his doctor to have a checkup. The doc said he has cancer of the dick. He went home, beat his wife, and shouted angrily, “I TOLD YOU TO STOP SMOKING!”
* * * * *
Nanay: Nag toothbrush ka na ng ipin?
Anak: Siyempre, ‘Nay, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kili-kili noh?!
* * * *
An old bishop on death bed has a last wish… to see a naked GRO. When the GRO came and stripped, the bishop said, “di pala iba sa mga madre!”
* * * *
A maid burned a hole in her lady boss’ uniform. When the lady angrily asked her, “Paano mo naman nasunog ito?”
The maid replied, “Secret!”
* * * *
The eggs that a woman bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and yelled at the male vendor, “Ang baho ng itlog mo!!!” 
* * * *
Midget yaya to her employer:
“Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili ninyo. At least kung maibaksak si baby, mababa lang!”
* * * *
Due to good business, Juan extended his barber shop to the 2nd floor. He didn’t have much for a new signage.. he just wrote on the shop’s blackboard, “We cut your hair, up and down!”
* * * *
Final Exam Question paper..
Fill in the blanks.
If a girl faints, we must first touch her PU _S_.
A few students who wrote PULSE passed..
* * * *
A man was driving down a country road when a strayed rooster came out into the road. The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.
Shaken, the man got to the farmhouse and told the farmer nervously, “I think I killed your rooster, please let me replace him.”
“Suit yourself,” the farmer replies, “the hens are around the back.”
* * * *
Wife : “I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.”
Husband : “How about the ones like mine?”
Wife : “Those they gave away.”
* * ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE
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