Mother: What seems to be the problem with you. You have been married 3 years & still no children. I had hopes of being a grandma by now.
Daughter: I just don’t know, Mom! Sam tries all the time, it’s just that I have trouble swallowing!
* * * *
Blowjob is the only job in the world that a woman can’t include in her bio-data despite having years of experience and a number of references…
* * * *
AMO: Naku! Araw-araw ka na lang nakakabasag! Nung Biyernes, baso! Nung Sabado, pinggan! Bukas kaya ano ang mababasag mo!
JUAN: Don’t wori, mam! Dey op ko po bukas.
* * * *
Sa korte, abogada: itinuro ang kanyang kliyente na lakake na 70 years old na,at akusado sa kasong rape.
Abogada: tingnan nyo ( hinawakan nya ari ng 70 years old). O lutay-lutay na , magawa pa ba nya yung akusasyon mo na ni rape ka?
At saka hinimas himas at pinisil Pisil pa ng abogada ang ari ng matanda, at (Bumulong sa abogada ang 70 years old) at sinabi: huwag mong HIMASIN at PISIL-PISILIN at baka MATALO TAYO. !
* * * *
So many options:
poison,
sleeping pills,
hanging,
lying on train tracks,
jumping from a tall building or bridge,
but most people only choose Marriage,
SLOW & SURE!
* * * *
A guy gave his girl 3 roses.
GAL: Oh Babe, you’re so romantic. But why 3 roses?
GUY: Di pwedeng isa lang kasi 3 for P100 lang available.
* * * *
A man threw several congressmen into a pond of crocodiles.
He’s now being sued ay by the SPCA for being cruel to crocodiles!
* * * *
Why is chocolate better than sex?
?
?
?
?
?
Because chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft!
* * * *
Patient’s uterus was removed but doctor left scissors inside.
She goes back to the doc and says, "remove scissors right away. My date cut his finger and two friends were circumcised."
* * * *
Natuklasan na sa RP ang gamot pra sa A-H1N1 SWINE FLU:
"KALACHUCHI"
Ilaga ang ugat at dahon, inumin 3x a day. kung walang epekto, gawing KORONA ang bulaklak!
* * * *
Sign in the toilet of a sex change clinic:
Gasoline stations in Manila will start showing porn movies on the screens of gas pumps so that you can see someone getting screwed the same time you are.
* * * *
Two babies were playing in the crib when suddenly the baby girl cried, "RAPE!"
Baby boy said, "Shut up! You just sat on your pacifier!!!"
* * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE
