“Being drunk is being real.” The most honest individuals are those who drink to dream, coz they lose their inhibitions, no deceptions, no limits, no lies, and that is not weakness. What people can’t see is that because of intoxication, they become pure.
KAYA MABUHAY ANG MGA LASSENGO…
* * * *
Kulas: Manang, magkano ang magpakulam sa inyo?
Witch: 2,500 pesos.
Kulas: Ha? Bakit ang mahal?
Witch: kasi BARBIE ang gamit ko.
* * * *
A son, upon his engagement, went to his father said, “Dad, I found a woman just like Mom.”
The father replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”
* * * *
Words of Wisdom:
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It’s got to be hot. You’ve got to take your time. You’ve got to stir… gently and firmly. You’ve got to grind your beans until they squeak…
And then you put in the milk. 
* * * *
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?
She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumscised three of the doctors on her shift. 
* * * *
Q: What do the Chinese call a 69?
A: Two can chew!!!
* * * *
Two drunks at a bar.
The first one tells his buddy he’s going to the can.
After 20 minutes of waiting his friend got pissed off and looks for him. He finds him still in the can.
Drunk1: What the hell are you doing?
Drunk2: Everytime I flush, something reaches up and grabs my balls.
Drunk1: Well, ya dumbass, you sittin on the mop bucket!
* * * *
The waitress was tired of one patron always hitting on her, so she came up with a plan.
‘I’ll tell ya what, stud. I’ll have sex with ya on 2 conditions. 1st, it’ll cost ya 50 bucks. 2nd, you have to guarantee me that bells will ring and lights will flash.’
He smiled, handed her 50 bucks and led her over to the pinball machine.
* * * *
An old maid boarded a bus with her dead cat bound for the pet cemetery.
She whispered to the driver, “I have a dead pussy.”
DRIVER: “Sit with my wife, u 2 have one thing in common.”
* * * *
Hinahanap ng NPA sina Juan, Pedro, at Berting. Nagtago sila sa sako sa bodega ng kamote.. .
NPA: San na kaya sila? (nakita ang 3 sako) hmmmnn…baka nagtatago lang yun mga yun dito.
(sinipa ang sako #1)
Juan: meow! meow!
NPA: pusa lang pala,
(sinipa sako #2)
Pedro: arf! arf!
NPA: aso lang pala.
(sinipa sako #3)
Berting: tahimk lang.
Sinipa ulit ang sako #3, di pa rin umiimk si Berting…
Sinipa ng sinipa ang sako.
Berting: tangna mo! Kamote ako! Wala akong sounds!
* * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE
