Latest Porn Releases:
Shaving Private Ryan
Position Impossible
As Big As It Gets
Riding Miss Daisy
Star Whores
Pornnochio
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URI NG MANGINGINOM:
point guard – mahilig magpas ng tagay
the transporter – palipat-lipat ng puwesto, iwas tagay
the martyr – nagpatungga pa kahit senglot na
kid senti – dami naaalala pagnakainom na
the fugitive – nalalahong parang bula
kung fu – kung fulutan malupet, tirador ng pulutan, ginagawang picnic
the chosen one – opisyal runner sa tindahan, bili yosi, yelo, alak
spiderman – gumagapang na.
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Mare1: Mare, nakakaingit ka naman.
Mare2: Bakit, mare?
Mare1: Kasi ang haba-haba ng ari ni pare.
Mare2: (galit) Bakit nakita mo?
Mare1: Hindi ah!
Mare2: Pano mo nalaman?
Mare1: Kasi tagal-tagal nang nasa Saudi at di umuwi si Pare, eh nabuntis ka pa rin!
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To eliminate discrimination, the following job titles will now be used:
Landscape Artist & Animal Nutritionist – Houseboy
Family Environment Maintenance Officer – Housemaid
Printed Documents Handler – Typist
Business Communications Conveyor – Messenger
Public Sanitation Technicians – Garbage collectors
Theft Prevention & Security Officer – Security guard
Chef des cuisines – Cook
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Man’s wife decided she wanted to do something special to please him on his birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless panties.
That night, as he came into the house, she lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle. “Hi, hon” she purred sexily, “y’all want some of this?”
“Hell, no!” he hollered. “Look at what it did to your panties!”
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The blind guy was walking pass the stalls of fishmongers and said,
‘Good morning, ladies…’
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Erap calls fire department cause his house was on fire. They ask him how to get there and he replies, “Haller?! Eh di yung malaking trak na kulay pula ang gamitin nyo!”
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A wife arriving home was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband said:
“Before you leave, let me tell you this. Driving along the highway, I saw this woman looking tired & bedraggled, so I brought her home & made her a meal from the roast you’ve forgotten. She had only some worn sandals on, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you discarded. Her pants were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you never wore because the color did not suit you. Then when she was leaving the house she asked, ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use anymore?’”
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JUDGE: You’re nice young men so instead of jail, I want you both to go out this weekend & show others the evils of drug use & get ‘em to give up drugs. I’ll see you in court on Monday.
(Monday the 2 guys were in court.)
Guy1: I persuaded 17 guys to give up drugs. I drew 2 circles like this O o & told ‘em the big circle is your brain before drugs. The small circle is your brain after.
Guy2: I persuaded 200 guys using similar circles. The small circle’s your ass before prison… 
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MAYAMAN: Bakit kayong mahihirap, malaking ari?
MAHIRAP: Kasi noong maliit pa kami sir, wala kaming ibang laruan. ITO LANG!
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A man went to heaven, saw millions of clocks, some are slow and others are fast.
Man: What are the clocks for?
St. Peter: They tell how much a person masturbates.
Man: Where’s mine?
St. Peter: In the office, where we use it as an electric fan!!!
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ALL ABOVE SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE
