Gay Contest Host: What can you say about the w0men of t0m0row?
Gay: Uhhmm, the w0men of t0m0row are the men of today!
Bravo!!!
SMS courtesy of Zaizai
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Maid: Ati,kailangan daw ipa EXTRAY ang ulo ni jr.
Mam: gaga! Anong EXTRAY?!
Maid: ano po ba ati?
Mam: CT SKULL! Boba!
SMS courtesy of Zaizai
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Sa Las Vegas…
Waiter: May i take ur order?
Aling Dionisia: Soup!
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish, soup of the day…?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks..
SMS courtesy of Zaizai
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DIRTY OLD MAN: sweetheart, please whisper those three little words that will set me on fire…
SEXY GIRL: ok..
“G0 T0 HELL!”
SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw
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PROSTI#1:kuripot ng customer ko.
500 pag pinasok
400 pag bj
300 pag bate
e 200 lang pera nya.
PROSTI#2:ano ginawa mo?
PROSTI#1:aba nakita ko 9inches kanya,pinahiram ko nga 300!
SMS courtesy of Wow_Kalabaw
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DEAR INAY:
Pag may kaso daw dito, nagpupunta sa RTC, Court of Appeals o Supreme Court. E dadalhin daw ako ni Sir sa Victoria Court. Anung kaso ba nililitis dun?
Love,
INDAY
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A father & son at a wedding saw bride crying.
Son: Pop, why is that girl crying?
Dad: She is crying because she’s leaving her parents.
Son: But, why is the boy not crying?
Dad: Don’t worry, he will be crying after the wedding!
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The ‘69′ style is also called the smokers’ position because while she is smoking the cigar, he is cleaning the ash tray…
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A blonde competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of a swimming competition.
The brunette came in first, the readhead second.
The blonde finished last, and remarked, “I don’t want to complain but I think those two girls used their arms!”
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A dietician giving a lecture: ‘The food we put in our stomach is enough to have killed most of us. Red meat is awful. Sodas erode your stomach lining. But there is one thing that is most dangerous of all. Can anyone tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
A 75 year-old man stood up and said, “Wedding cake.’
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Husband: Sobra ka na, napakaselosa mo! Kung pwede ko lang iwan ang t*t* ko, para hindi ka nag-iisip ng kung ano ano!
Wife: Oy, oy, oy! Ano ko tanga! Iwan mo rin dila mo!
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AMA: anak, magpapari ka ba talaga?
ANAK: opo, sure talaga!
AMA: paano kung humarap sa yo si Katrina Halili?
ANAK: ay, magdu DOKTOR na lang ako!
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Man1: Where did you get such a great bike?
Man2: I was walking along yesterday, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
Man1: Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you anyway.
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I ran into a friend the other day and he clearly looked very distraught. I asked him what was wrong and he said, “As you know I’m looking for employment. I found an ad in the papers for a part in the local theatre, Shakespear’s ‘Romeo and Juliet.’ I went and auditioned for Romeo’s part. However I failed it through a misunderstanding over a simple script direction. My copy of the script clearly said, ‘Enter Juliet from the REAR!’”
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A terrified soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath, he ask, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.”
Sister agreed. A moment later two military police came and asked sister if she saw a soldier running. Nun pointed them to a different direction.
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, Sister. You see I don’t want to go to Iraq.. I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”
Nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have see a great pair of balls… I don’t want to go to Iraq either!”
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AMO: Inday pag nanalo ka ng 1mil sa Lotto, anong una mo gagawin?
INDAY: Siempre ho gagantihan ko naman kayong mag-asawa!
AMO:Wow, babalatuhan mo ba kami
INDAY: Hindi po, gagawin ko rin kayong Katulong!
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Q: Why do most men prefer to kiss a woman’s lips?
A: That’s the best way to shut a woman’s Horizontal mouth and open the Vertical one!
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ACCUSED: But Judge, I wasn’t drunk! I only drank 5 bottles. Malaking pagkakaiba yon.
JUDGE: Kaya nga, I’m not giving you a MONTH in jail! 30 DAYS lang.
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Jef goes to dentist to have tooth pulled.
Dentist was goin to inject pain killer but Jef said “no way, i can’t stand needles”.
So dentist was goin to use laughing gas mask but Jef said “no gas please, it will suffocate me”.
So dentist asked if he could take a pill. Jef said “im fine with pill”.
The dentist gave him Viagra. Jef said “wow,i didn’t know Viagra worked as pain killer”.
Dentist replied “no it doesn’t, but it will give you something to hold onto when i pull your damn tooth!”
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KUWENTONG MagLola
APO: Lola,di ba matagal ka na byuda? pano kung isang araw e,sinabing uulan ng titi.Ano ang ggawin nyo?
LOLA: Naku apo! Kulimlim pa lang hubo nako!
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Mom catches a little boy jerking off. So she has a talk with him and tells him that good little boys save it until they are married.
A few weeks later, Mom asks the boy again, “How are you doing about the problem we talked about, dear?”
Boy happily replied, “Great! So far, I have nearly a LITER saved already!”
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NOON: Kapag naospital ang pangulo, dedicated sa trabaho: Good job!
NGAYON: Kapag naospital ang presidente, dedicated sa asawa: Boob job!
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Puwede kang magmahal, kahit ilang ulit..
Pero ang tunay na pagmamahal, minsan lang..
Kaya piliin mo mabuti ung taong mamahalin mo, ung taong kaya kang samahan hanggang sa
KAMA… tayan.
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Baket daw mahaba ang buhok ng mga multo at aswang?
?
?
?
?
Kase kung kalbo sila, baka matawa ka lang..
* * * *
Old lady neighbor: what are you doing?
Boy: i am burying my goldfish.
Lady: thats an awfully big hole.
Boy: thats because he’s inside your cat…
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Mam: Ok class, kung sino man yun umutot bibigyan ko ng 95 na grade.
PEDRO: Mam ako po! 100 nyo na mam.. Napatae din kasi ako!
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A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in pal. You’re drunk.”
Our man asked, “Ociffer, are ya sure I’m drunk?”
“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper.
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple.”
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Nakaamoy si Ngongo ng pabango sa isang department store.
Ngongo: Ale, mango!
Ale: Pabango yan, hindi alimango!
Ngongo: Ale, mango!
(Nag-agawan sila at nabasag ito.)
Ngongo: Ale, masag!
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May isang ig0r0t pumunta ng bar may narinig sya sa kabilang table.
Waiter paorder ng 3 kabayo,
binigyan sya ng REDHORSE BEER.
May narinig ulit syasa kabilang table Waiter paorder ng 3 agila.
binigyan sya ng GOLD EAGLE BEER.
Napaisip ang ig0r0t ano kaya ang sa akin.?
ah,alam ko na!
Waiter paorder ng 3 pato!
Binigyan sya ng 3 silver swan. Ininom nya sabay sabing-Wow! SaGad sA BuTo aNg aLaT Ng aLaK NyO… Lakas!
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Read this al0ud:
edible
humble
preamble
l0vable
fable
marble
perdible
w0w, ulit nga “perdible”
SOSYAL KA, tagaL0g yan for Safety Pin!
The rest of the above SMS jokes courtesy of MIKE
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