Ang lalaking hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan…
ay malamang…
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ako ang nasa harapan!..
SMS courtesy of Zaizai
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alam mo ba..
na ang puke..
ay synonymous sa vomit? 
anu ulit basa mo?!
SMS courtesy of Zaizai
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Antiques are things one generation buys,
the next generation gets rid off,
and the following generation buys again.
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Anak: ‘Nay, tinext ko ang mister ko na pauwi na ako pero na shock ako ng madatnan ko siyang may katabing ibang babae ra kama. Bakit ganun, ‘Nay? Huhuhu…
Nanay: Anak, huwag kang magalit. Baka naman hindi niya natanggap ang text mo.:D
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Pare1: Pare, pakiss naman!
Pare2: Gago!
Pare1: Dali na. Pakiss, pare!
Pare2: Leche naman to oh! San ba kasi?!
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Thailand has d highest number of prostitutes.
What else can you expect when the country’s name is ‘THIGH LAND’
capital is ’BANG COCK & tourist spot called ‘PHUKHET’.
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VIP’s on a sinking ship…
BLAIR: What do we do?
OBAMA: Get a lifeboat!
PGMA: All women 1st!
PUTIN: Fuck those women!
ERAP: Talaga? May oras pa ba? 
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An old man went to see the doctor & said, “Doc, I’m turning 80 tomorrow & I don’t know how many more yrs I’ve left.
My good wife died 10 yrs ago & I’vehad no sex at all since then. I’d love to experience sex one more time before I die so I’ve hired a hooker for the night. Can u give me something that’llhelp me get it up?”
The doctor smiled. “I don’t normally prescribe this stuff as it’s extremely potent, but I think in ur case I can make an exceptionfor one night.”
Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man & asked, “How’s it going?”
“Fabulous,” the old man said. “I’ve come 3 times already.”
“That’s great,” the doctor said. “The hooker must be astounded.”
“Not exactly,” the old man said. “She’s not here yet!” 
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Pres GMA: When will my breast implant stop leaking?
Vicki Belo: You know Pinnochio? His nose kept growing until he stopped LYING!
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what does spaghetti and women have in common?
…..they both wiggle when you eat them…
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Pregnant blonde goes to see doctor for a check-up…
She asks, “What if d baby starts coming & I can’t get to a hospital in time?”
Doc replies, “It’s so natural…assume d same position when u got pregnant.”
Blonde says, “U mean w/ d left foot in d glove compartment & d right foot hanging out d window?” Ö
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What girls say after making love:
GERMAN-dat vas gutt :-*
BRITISH-i hope you enjoyd it.
AMERICAN-by d way whats your name? 
FILIPINA-kelan tayo magpapakasal?:-o
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FLASH NEWS: Metro Manila red alert lifted by AFP & PNP as they apologized for the inconvenience & anxiety it created. What earlier intelligence reports suspect to be bomb implants was later found to be actually…. a breast implant.
The NBI is still investigating who planted d story. Hehehe! Bakit kasi di na lang mga puno ang iplant natin. Iplant si Puno sa pagka-pangulo! Ang gugulo tlga nating mga pin0y. Ang hilig magplant.
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CAR NAMES AND WHAT THEY MEAN:
AUDI – Another Ugly Deutche Invention
BMW – Bring Me Women but Broke My Wallet
FIAT – Failure in Italian Technology
VOLVO – Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
PORSCHE – Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.
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Question: How do you know when an Arab becomes an adult?
Answer: When he wears his diaper on his head.
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Rest of the above SMS jokes courtesy of MIKE
