Pare1: Pre, pa-puff naman sa yosi mo.
Pare2: Iisa na lang ‘to eh. Teka may naisip ako para tipid.
(Humitit si Pare1. Nag-open mouth liplock tapos binuga ang usok sa bunganga ni Pare2)
Pare1: Thanks pre! Tipid nga to. Pero next time walang dila ha.
* * * *
Paramihan ng anak:
Hapon pumasok, bitbit 10 anak (palakpakan)
Kano pumasok, bitbit 20 anak (palakpakan)
Pinoy pumasok, sigawan ang audience… “Itay, Itay!”
* * * *
2 buntis nag-usap..
Buntis1: Mare, di ko alam, anung pangalan ibibigay sa anak ko!
Buntis2: Buti ka nga yan lang problema mo, ako di ko alam anung apelyido ibibigay ko!
* * * *
While purchasing some condoms, the young man remarked, “I’m giving my girl a birthday present tonight.”
“Yes, sir,” smiled the drug clerk. Then he added, with a straight face, “Would you perhaps like these gift-wrapped?”
“That wouldn’t make much sense,” said the young man, “they ARE the gifts wrapping.”
* * * *
Question: If God made the upper part of a woman, who made the lower part?
Answer: A black man. Why? Well, who else would give it a curly hair, thick lips and make it smell like Africa?
* * * *
Man1: I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. Yesterday I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.
Man2: I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.
Man3: I think my wife is having an affair with a horse. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.
* * * *
Patient: Doc, can i live another 40 yrs?
Doc: umiinom ka ba?
Patient: hindi po!
Doc: naninigarilyo ka ba?
Patient: hindi po!
Doc: nambababae ka ba?
Patient: ay naku! lalong hindi po!
Doc: bakit gusto mo pang mabuhay ng 40 yrs…
* * * *
minsan,
ang mga lalaki
ay parang
multo…
puro paramdam…
madalas,
ang mga babae
parang czechoslovakia…
ang hirap ispelengin…
* * * *
Farmer to Wife: A vet is coming over to artificially inseminate 1 of our cows; the one with a NAIL over its stall is to be impregnated.
Vet arrives & wife takes him to d the cow shed.
Vet: Which one?
Wife: That one with a nail over its stall.
Vet: What’s the nail for?
Wife: I guess it’s to hang your pants on…
* * * *
A boy came home from school one day and then asked, “Dad, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?”
The Mom chuckled, “Yes, dear. Actually the word is circumcised… but either way, the answer is Yes!”
* * * *
Doktor: kailangan nyo po na dumaan sa ilang test para malaman natin kung anu sakit nyo..
Pasyente: doc, wag na lang po, uwi na lang po ako..
Doktor: bakit, ayaw mo ba malaman sakit mo?
Pasyente: di naman po sa gunun doc..
Doktor: eh bat ayaw mo mag-test?
Pasyente: di po kasi ako nagREVIEW eh..
* * * *
Fact about the Penis:
Your dick has a mind of its own…
it goes up and shrinks without your consent.. 
* * * *
A Chinese in New York ask $5k loan from a bank as he is going to Europe. He was asked for collateral.
The Chinese gave the keys of a Ferrari at the parking lot with its car registration.
Bank officers had a good laugh for using a $250k Ferrari against a $5k loan.
2 months later,
The Chinese returns d $5k plus $60 interest.
Loan officer: Sir, While you were away we checked you out & found you are a billionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother 2 borrow $5k?
Chinese: Where else in N.Y. can I park my car securely for 2 months at $60?
* * * *
A woman at a diner orders a burger. She saw the cook grabs a huge hunk of ground meat, stuffs it in his armpit, pumps his arm several times to flatten it.
“That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen,” the woman said.
“Oh, yeah?” says the man who took her order, “You should be here in the morning when he makes doughnuts!”
* * * *
Are you rich?!
Silver on the hair
Gold on the Teeth
Stones in the Kidneys
Sugar in the blood
Lead on the feet
Iron in the arteries
An an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.
We never thought to have accumulated so much wealth!
* * * *
PARE: Mare, bakit ka nagdala ng mga electric fan sa libing ni kumpare?
MARE: Huling bilin kc ni pare mo ay di aq pwedng mag-asawa ulit habang basa pa nitso nya!
* * * *
Doctor: (whispering) I need to revise the death certificate I just gave you.
Clerk: What’s wrong!
Doctor: I was in a hurry when I signed it and, well, I accidentally wrote my name under ‘Cause of Death.’
* * * *
Blonde asked for ice after giving birth to her child. The nurse was surprised as the blonde placed the ice between her breasts.
‘What are you doing that for?‘ inquired the nurse.
‘That’s to keep the milk fresh!’ blonde replied.
* * * *
“huhu! grabe baha lampas ulo. pumasok na yung tubig sa haws namin. some relatives are missing. umakyat na kami dito sa puno para di maabutan ng baha.” :(
- langgam
* * * *
sEx
is like
a rEstaurant
sometimEs
yOu gEt
gOod sErvice..
sometimes
bAd
sErvicE
Sometimes
nO
sErvicE
&
sometimes
you have
to be hAppy with
sELf sErvicE
* * * *
Tonyo: Ikaw na naman? Tatlong beses mo na akong hinoldap ngayong taon ah!
Holdaper: Ganun talaga, bro! Inaalagaan ang good customer!:D
* * * *
JR: ano effect ng global financial crisis sa bisnes mo?
ED: tumaas ang sales!
JR: ha? ano ba bisnes mo?
ED: gamot sa hypertension at sleeping pills!:|
* * * *
PARI: Those who have gone bad will be thrown into the fire of hell!
PGMA: Di totoo yan! S dami naming mga pulitiko, sabay-sabay lang kami iihi, patay ang apoy!:D
* * * *
Ringgg Ringg!
911: Emergencies.
Caller:- Pls help.. there’s a cat in the house!!
911:- What do you mean there’s a cat?
Caller: A caaat!!…the one that does miaoowww! It invaded my house & it’s heading towards me!!!
911 : Is this some kind of joke? I’m sorry, but I don’t see what the problem is in a cat heading toward you.
Caller : IT’S GOING TO KILL ME!! AND YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT!!!
911:- O.K. who is this?
Caller:- It’s the parrot, for God’s sake! HELPP!
* * **
BALDO: di maganda ang demokrasya sa singapore!
BERTO: bakit sinabi mo yun?
BALDO: pag nahuLi kang dumuDura, muLta agad! WaLa
siLang FREEDOM of SPiT!
* * * *
Sadyang pinaglaruan tayo ng panahon…
kung kelan di mo hinihintay, du’n dumarating…
kapag sobra na umaasa ka naman, saka wala…
Haaay…
Ang utot nga talaga,
pabigla-bigla!:P
* * * *
All above SMS courtesy of MIKE
