M A R U I S M

Crazy Pic of the Day

History 101:
JUDAS: anong gimik yang hinuhugasan ni Magdalena ang paa ni BRO?
PETER: Wag kang makialam, darating ang araw at tatawagin yang FOOT SPA.

* * * *

Bago na ang collection box sa simbahan. May special effects depende sa ihulog na donation.
*P10 & P5 coin – walang sound
*P1 – may bagting na bell*25 ctvs – may pito
*10 ctvs – putok ng baril!
*kung wala kang ihulog: KUKUNAN KA NG PICTURE!!

* * * *

An extremely beautiful girl is finishing her shower when the door bell rings. She quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

She opens the door and there stands Pete the next door neighbor. “I’ll give you 50,000 to drop that towel.” She drops the towel, gets the money and goes back upstairs.

Her father asks who it was. “It’s Pete, the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great! Did he say anything about the 50,000 he owes me?”

* * * *

Jamaica produces world’s best coffee.
U.S.A. invented instant coffee.
Japan invented first coffee maker.
The Philippines invented voice-activated and service-oriented coffee maker – ‘INDAY! KAPE!’

* * *  *

Men came from the hole between the legs of a woman…
but men always wants to go back… why?
Home sweet home.

* * * *

Sex and Shopping have one thing in common:
In both the cases, men start sweating in 15 minutes and women want to go on and on and on!

* * * *

The saddest part of a man’s body is his balls.
The Lord sentence them to hang till death!

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Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:
Holdaper1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa ‘TV Patrol’ kung magkano!

* * * *

Wife has severe tummy pains. Doctor is summoned. The husband, a carpenter, waits outside.

A bit later, the doc pops out, “Get me your pliers, please.” Husband muses, “Pliers?” but hands the pliers. Later, the doc asks, “Got a hammer?” Husbank thinks, “Hammer?” but gives the hammer.

Again, “Gotta hacksaw?” Husband now worried sick asks, “Doc, what’s wrong with my wife?!” Doc replies, “Dunno yet! Can’t open my bag.”

* * * *

Men love women who are:
SIMPLE ~ di mahilig mag panty
MABAIT ~ pwedeng hipuan
CONSERVATIVE ~ ok basta madilim
GENEROUS ~ libre salat
RELIGIOUS ~ laging nakaluhod

* * * *

Sayang ang mga babae. You give them the best education at the best schools. Train them to be good speakers. Pero when they make love, wala alang masabi kundi ‘aaah… ehhh… iiih… oooh… uuuh…”

* * * *

Wife: Ang asawa ko, the best talaga. Di babaero, di naninigarilyo’t umiinom, nasa bahay lang!
Friend: Wow! Parang santo!
Wife: Hindi! Paralyzed ang gago!

* * * *

Lolo: Bisexual na ako.
Apo: Talaga Lolo, paano nangyari yan?
Lolo: Noong naging 60 years old ako. I said, BYE SEX…:(

* * * *

Girl asks hungry BF: “If my right leg was your lunch, and my left leg was your dinner, what will you prefer?”
Boyfriend replies, “I love that snack between two meals.”

* * * *

ALL Above SMS courtesy of MIKE

Quote of the day:
“When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.” – Thomas Szasz

While writing this, I was listening to “Your Eyes Don’t Lie” by David Archuleta