D.O.H. Advisory:
Lahat ay pinagiingat sa pagkain ng mani. Ayon sa mga dalubhasa, ang pagkain ng mani ay nakakabibingi dahil natatakpan ng hita ang dalawang tenga! 
* * * *
Sa crematorium.
Customer: Boss, namatay ang biyenan ko, puede tanong magkano cremation?
Manager: 30 thousand po.
Customer: 15 thousand lang buget ko! Paano yun?
Manager: E di half-cooked muna!
* * * *
(Insultuhan after bed)
Woman: Alam mo sweetheart, para ka palang si Hatton, ang bilis mong bumigay!
(Agad bumangon at nagbihis ang lalake, aalis…)
Woman: 0 saan ka pupunta?
Man: Maghahanap ako ng ibang kalaban, yung hindi kamukha ni Pacquiao!
* * * *
GRETCHEN B : Alam nyo, di naman ako kasing landi’ tulad ng sinasabi nila. There was a time nga I had no sex for 11 years straight!
REPORTER: Really?
GRETCHEN: Yup, then I turned 12.
* * * *
Take a moment to reflect on this:
“The HANDS that HELP are better than the LIPS that PRAISE!
But the LIPS that SUCKS are much better than a HANDJOB!
* * * *
Lady enter bar & lifted her arm showing a hairy armpit & said “Can anyone buy me a beer?”
A drunken man told bartender “Give the ballerina a beer.” Bartender then asked man why he called her ballerina.
DRUNK: “A lady who can lift her leg that high must be a ballerina!”
* * * *
A handsome lad went into hospital for a minor surgery, and days after the procedure a friend stopped by to visit.
His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, etc. “Why all the attention?” the friend asked, “you look fine to me.”
“I know,” grinned the patient. “But the nurses formed a little fan club whey heard my circumcision required 27 stitches.” 
* * * *
MGA QUESTIONS NG PINOY:
- Ano ba mangyayari pag inabutan ka ng ‘syam-syam’?
- Gano kabilis ang ‘mabilis pa sa alas-kwatro’?
- Ano b ginagamit na pang-sulat pag cnbihan kang ‘ilista mo s 2big’?
- Bakit kelangn mamaluktot pag maiksi ang kumot e pwede naman i-off ang aircon?
- Gano ba kasakit ang ‘pagkagat ng dilim’?
* * * *
Q: Why are babies so fragile?
A: Because they were put together with just ONE screw.
* * * *
Isang araw, may bakla sumakay sa jeep. May sumakay din na gwapong lalake.
Nagpacute ang bakla. Iniabot nya bayad, sabi, “Mama, bayad… Baclaran,” sabay kindat sa gwapong lalaki.
Nagpacute din ang gwapong lalake. Kumindat sa bakla at nagbayad sya, ang sabi, “Mama, bayad…Bacla – ren!”
* * * *
Rookie pilot was about to land his plane at night. To ease tension, he joked with the air traffic controller, “Guess who?”
Traffic controller turned off the runway lights and replied, “Guess where?”
* * * *
When asked how they like to die, 80 year old man said, “Run over by a car.”
85 year old man said, “Plane crash.”
90 year old said, “Shot through the heart by a jealous husband.”
* * * *
MOM: O anak, musta na ang honeymoon mo? Nasa kabila kaming kwarto, bakit wala kaming naririnig?
ANAK: Di ba, Mommy, sabi mo DON’T TALK WHEN YOUR MOUTH IS FULL?
* * * *
Aling Dionisia: Apo, akina ung seeds ko.
Apo: Magtatanim kayo, lola?
Aling Dionisia: Hindi, nasisilaw ako!
* * * *
A guy walks into a bar n sees a monkey in a cage.
He asks the bartender what the monkey does n the bartender says:” Dont ask.”
The guy keeps asking the bartender the same question all night n finally the bartender says: “OK, i will show you.”
He opens the cage n hits the mönkey on the head with a baseball bat & d monkey gives him oral sex.
D guy says: “Thats amazing!”
D bartender says: “Wanna try it?”
D guy says: “Sure. But dont hit me so hard.”
* * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE
Kaya pala bingi ang boyfriend ko nasobrahan ng mani. wahahaa
[Reply]
samen nmn ng hubby q aq ang me pgkabingi..pero d nmn aq mhilig sa mani..hihi!
[Reply]
masustancia talaga ang mani,try nio un may ketchup na mani,chalap,chalap…
[Reply]