Archive for 11 July, 2009

MARU | 11 July, 2009
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SMS Jokes 07.11.09 (Saturday)

“it’s one in one.” - tawag ni Manny Pacquiao sa H1N1…

* * * *

A gay was joining the army but came late for the physical exam.. The men ahead of him were all naked ready for inspecti0n.
He lo0k & shouted,  ” Diosko! Maloloka ako! An0 ito? Eat all u can?!”..

Above 2 SMS jokes courtesy of Antuken

* * * *

AMAZONA:
Sa wakas!
Ako huli din LALAKI! Tagal na hindi ako tikim UTEN!
BIHAG: Wow! Swerte! Ang seseksi nila!
AMAZONA: Hugas niyo mabuti UTEN, bago LUTO!

SMS courtesy of wow_kalabaw

* * * *

Boss:(galit) ang gusto ko sa scretary ay listo at hindi absent-minded!!! Napahiya ako sa meeting dahil sa kagagawan m0!
Secretary: s0rry,hindi ko naisara ang zipper mo!

SMS courtesy of wow_kalabaw

* * * *

Tanong: Kailan mahirap matulog?
Sagot: Kapag masarap ang katabi..
Tanong ulet: Kelan mahirap gumising?
Sagot: Kapag pagod kagabi!

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Category: HUMOR, July 2009, SMS Jokes 2009 | Tags: , , ,
MARU | 10 July, 2009
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Walang Dapat Titiin

ruffa_lloydie

Usapang showbiz muna tayo.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit yung ibang tao ay nanggagalaiti sa relasyon Ruffa G. and John Lloyd Cruz. Pwede ba, tama na yung si Annabelle Rama na lang ang maging mahadera sa lablayp ng anak nya. Hehehe! Tsaka, eweno naman ngayon kung mas matanda yung babae kay lalaki ng 9 years?

Di nga, eweno naman kung may mga junakis si Ropa? Problema ba yun kung nagkakaintindihan at tanggap naman nila ang isa’t isa? Tsaka, nagiging problema pa ba sa ngayon ang edad lalo na kung libog din lang ang pag-uusapan? Lols!

The last time I had a bf…10 years older ako dun sa lalaki and we lasted 4 years din. Hindi naging isyu ang pagiging tingle single mom ko. ‘Ika nga ni Bitoy, “Kung ato ay mag-aatawa, guto ko ay tingle. Dahil mahilig ato ta tingle.“ Ok naman kami ng bf ko noon kahit mom na rin ako…ako lang talaga ang abnoy at may sayad sa ulo kaya hindi kami nagkatuluyan.

Balik tayo kay Ropa-Lloydie. Wak na tayo mangealam pa kung nagkakagutushan yung dalawa. Kung magtatanong si Bitoy tungkol sa relasyon nila kung may dapat o kung “Tino ang dapat TITIIN?” WALA! Walang dapat titiin!

Category: PEOPLE and POLITICS | Tags: , , , ,
MARU | 8 July, 2009
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Pinoy Jokes 07.08.09

ANAK: Busog na ‘ko
INAY: Ano ka ba? Ubusin mo ‘yan! Hindi mo ba alam? Napakaraming nagugutom sa buong mundo?!
ANAK: O tapos? Pag inubos ko ‘to, mabubusog sila, ganun?

* * * *

CALENDAR METHOD
MISIS: Sabi mo dok, safe ang calendar method. EH bakit ho nabuntis na naman ako?
DOKTOR: Paano nyo ba ginamit ang kalendaryo?
MISIS: Ginawa ho naming banig!

* * * *

ISANG MALALIM NA KASABIHAN:

“Marami kang alam, hindi mo lang alam.”

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Category: Daily Humor | Tags: , , ,
MARU | 8 July, 2009
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Men With Shortcoming

manMen, especially those who have passed their puberty have always been sensitive on the issue of their genital size. It usually happen when the development of their physical attributes has almost reached its peak and just has to be contented of their “size” has become of or the lack thereof.

However, as time progresses those who has this “shortcoming” (no pun intended) is getting hopeful that there will be solution out there.  Indeed, they are correct. Today, some business sector has specialized on this issue and is now offering a new lease through series of breakthroughs.

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Category: GENERAL, Task2Blog | Tags:
MARU | 7 July, 2009
5 comments

Lola Dota

Si Lola Techie ay Lola Dota na ngayon!

Langya! Bilib na bilib na talaga ako sa nag isip ng concept ng bagong BayanDSL TV commercial. Waging-wagi!

Napapahagikhik kami ng mga bagets ko tuwing napapanood ‘to sa TV.

Flash bang! Flash bang! Hahaha!

Reset! Reset!

Haynaku! ‘La na ko masabi. Karapat-dapat lang talaga na  i-clap! clap! ‘to!

Category: HUMOR, Leisure and Interest | Tags: , , , , ,
MARU | 7 July, 2009
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SMS Jokes 07.07.09 (Tuesday)

Latest Porn Releases:
Shaving Private Ryan
Position Impossible
As Big As It Gets
Riding Miss Daisy
Star Whores
Pornnochio

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URI NG MANGINGINOM:
point guard – mahilig magpas ng tagay
the transporter – palipat-lipat ng puwesto, iwas tagay
the martyr – nagpatungga pa kahit senglot na
kid senti – dami naaalala pagnakainom na
the fugitive – nalalahong parang bula
kung fu – kung fulutan malupet, tirador ng pulutan, ginagawang picnic
the chosen one – opisyal runner sa tindahan, bili yosi, yelo, alak
spiderman – gumagapang na.

* * * *

Mare1: Mare, nakakaingit ka naman.
Mare2: Bakit, mare?
Mare1: Kasi ang haba-haba ng ari ni pare.
Mare2: (galit) Bakit nakita mo?
Mare1: Hindi ah!
Mare2: Pano mo nalaman?
Mare1: Kasi tagal-tagal nang nasa Saudi at di umuwi si Pare, eh nabuntis ka pa rin!

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Category: HUMOR, July 2009, SMS Jokes 2009 | Tags: , , ,
MARU | 7 July, 2009
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Style Adviser

fashion stylistI always look up women who work as  fashion stylist. I admire these people keen sense of fashion, their ability to dress up a wide range of bodies’ types for all sorts of events and occasions.

I wish I had their expertise in choosing figure-flattering clothes for women. Part of their job is keeping abreast on what is the latest of women fashion trends, knowing the women’s clothing designers, and isn’t that a pure glamorous profession?

Who wouldn’t get envious the perks they enjoy in their job that includes the travel, the free clothes, accessories and the chance to work with a variety of people including celebrities?

Category: GENERAL, Task2Blog | Tags: , ,
MARU | 6 July, 2009
5 comments

Unang Hirit Para Sa Umagang Kayganda

Sa umaga, bukod sa deretsong pagwewe sa CR with eyes half-closed, magmumog at maghilamos, eto ang unang ginagawa ko para umpisahan ang araw ko – ang maghiwa at mag squeeze ng 1-2 pcs. of  calamansi sa isang baso ng tubig.

For 2 months now, nakaugalian ko na ang uminom ng calamansi water (no sugar) bilang pang-detox ko. Narinig nyo na ba yung tungkol sa lemon water detox? Kung hindi pa, pwes! I-google nyo! Lol!

DSCF0484

Seryos, wag na tayo mag anu-ano pa, harapin na natin ang totoo that we are now living in a highly toxic world. Air pollution, lamon ng  junk foods, maruming tap water, food preservatives at ng kung anik-anik pa, imposibleng walang may naiipon na toxins sa mga bodylicious natin.

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Category: Leisure and Interest | Tags: , , , , ,
MARU | 5 July, 2009
17 comments

Paano Malalaman Kung Tunay Na Lalake Ang Anak Mo

Kung nagawi na kayo sa blog na HAY!MEN!, siguradong nabasa nyo na rin ‘tong manifesto ng tunay na lalake na nakabalandra sa sidebar nila dun.

MANIFESTO NG TUNAY NA LALAKE

  1. Ang tunay na lalake ay di natutulog.
  2. Ang tunay na lalake ay di nagte-text-back, maliban na lang kung papasahan ng load. Gayunpaman, laging malabo ang kanyang mga sagot.
  3. Ang tunay na lalake ay laging may extra rice.
  4. Ang tunay na lalake ay hindi vegetarian.
  5. Ang tunay na lalake ay walang abs.
  6. Ang tunay na lalake ay hindi sumasayaw.
  7. Ang tunay na lalake ay umaamin ng pagkakamali sa kapwa tunay na lalake.
  8. Ang tunay na lalake ay laging may tae sa brief.
  9. Ang tunay na lalake ay di naghuhugas ng pinagkainan o nagliligpit ng kanyang mga gamit dahil may babaeng gagawa noon para sa kanya. Mas lalong nagiging tunay ang pagkalalake kung di niya kilala o di niya maalala ang pangalan ng babae.
  10. Ang tunay na lalake ay di nagsisimba.

Hindi ko maiwasan na hindi ‘to i-blog dahil sa nadiskubre ko kaninang umaga habang nilalabhan ko ang mga maruruming damit ng only bigatin son kong si Kevin (18 years old).

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Category: GENERAL | Tags: , , ,
MARU | 5 July, 2009
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Sunday Lafftrip

In the confessional:

MAN: Father, I confess I slept with the priest from the church across the street.
PRIEST: Very well my son, 5 Hail Marys.. but remember next time that THIS is your church & I’m your priest!

* * * *

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new fancy and expensive bike.
“Where did you get the money for the bike?”
“Easy, Dad,” the boy replied, I earned it hiking.”
“Come on,” the dad said, “tell me the truth.”
“That is the truth,” the son said, “every night you were gone, our neighbor, Mr. Jones would come over to see Mom. He’d give me 100 bucks and tell me to take a hike!”

* * * *

Daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor.
She tells doc, “Big Chief no fart.”
The doc told her to give him 3 pills a day.
Girl was back next day with same complaint.
The doc became worried and tells her to give him 10 pills every hour.
The next day girl comes back crying and says, “Big fart no Chief!”

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Category: Daily Humor | Tags: , , , ,
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