Boy: Baril ka ba?
Girl: ‘Lam ko na yan kasi mukhang tinamaan ka sakin noh?
Boy: Hinde! Ang lakas kasi ng PUTOK mo!
* * * *
BAGONG BUGTONG
-isang bAkLita nakaupo sa papa. (lapt0p)
-mahaBa’t matiGas nang isub0′y kumatas. (ice cAndy)
-malaki at maumb0k, hinihimas bago pumas0k. (do0r kn0b)
-malapad sa paninGin, masarap pindUtin. (i-ph0ne)
-ibuka at hiGupin sungkitin bago kainin. (talaba)
-ipinasok na lambUtin, matiGas nang hugUtin. (yelo)
* * * *
A man had an obsession with women’s breasts, and so he went to see a shrink.
“I am going to do word association,” explained the shrink. “I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that come to your mind.”
“Oranges,” said the doc.
“Breasts,” replied the patient.
“Apples.”
“Breasts.”
“Watermelons.”
“Breasts.”
“Wipers.”
“Breasts.”
“Wait a minute! I can’t see the connection there! Where is it?”
“Easy… one on the left and one left on the right!”
* * * *
Ahmed’s father gave him a gun on his wedding night and said,
Fire in air if wife is virgin, Shoot her if not.
Ahmed fired in air 1st nyt & shot her on second night.
* * * *
Elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the wife said, “Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after ANnuAL sex!”
* * * *
Question: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CHICKEN & A BABY?
Answer: CHICKEN IS THE RESULT OF A SITTING HEN WHILE THE BABY IS THE RESULT OF A STANDING COCK.
* * * *
The company a man worked for transferred him to another town. He was told that he had to take a new physical examination. All the tests came out fine, but the doc remarked that the man had the smallest dick he’d ever seen.
Doc: do you have any difficulties with it being so small?
Man: not at all. I’ve got a wife, 3 kids, and we have a great sex life. But I must admit I sometimes have a problem finding it in the daytime.
Doc: what about at night?
Man: no problem, because there are two of us looking for it.
* * * *
An older man was married to a younger woman. After a few yrs of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack.
The doctor advised him that to prolong hislife they should cut out sex.
He & his wife discussed the matter & decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation.
One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex wasn’t worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the staircase& said, “I was coming up to die.”
She laughed & replied, “I was coming down to kill you!”
* * * *
Elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the wife said, “Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!”
* * * *
Barack Obama had financial plan 2 stimulate U.S. economy.
Kevin Rudd had cash package 2 stimulate Australian economy.
GMA had breast operation 2 stimulate FG.
* * * *
Girl: Tao po!
Tindera: Ano po yun?
Girl: Pabili nga po ng mineral water… yung sachet!
* * * *
Ang YOSI ay may:
AMMONIA na mahusay panglinis ng CR..
CADMIUM na nasa baterya ng mga sasakyan..
CARBON MONOXIDE na nasa ref at usok ng kotse..
CYANIDE na ginagamit na lason..
DDT na pamatay ng ipis..
FORMALDEHYDE na pang embalsamo..
TAR gaya ng nasa aspalto..
BENZOPYRENE na nakakacancer..
NICOTINE na dahilan ng pagiging dependent sa sigarilyo..
VINYL CHLORIDE na ginagamit sa paggawa ng plastic.
Conclusion: sulit ang 2 pesos ninyo per stick. 
* * * *
JAMBY: Erap, alam mo lesbian ako.
ERAP: Ano ba ang lesbian?
JAMBY: I love to kiss, embrace, undress & make love to sexy girls.
ERAP: Hehe Lesbian din pala ako?
* * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE
Girl: please come home for dinner.
Boy feels happy, goes to a pharmacist and asks him how to use condoms.
That night he was shocked to see her parents at home.
Girl: come in. don’t stand out. I never thought you are so shy.
Boy: and I never thought your father was a pharmacist.
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