M A R U I S M

BLACK PROPAGANDA ANG KINAKALAT NG OPOSISYON NA BINASTOS SI PGMA SA MANILA CATHEDRAL

Maayos naman daw ang pagdalaw ni PGMA sa Cathedral. Sinalubong syang mga kaanak led by Joshua & Baby James.

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Jamby Madrigal will run for president in 2010. In case, she wins, she vows to double the budget of PCGG…to fast track the recovery of her wealth from her relatives!

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Aling Dionisia called Manny in LAS VEGAS…
Aling Dionisia: helo operitor i want to mik very very far away col
Operator: Wats youur name?
Aling Dionisia: i’m dionesia pacquiao
Operator: Spell ur surname
Aling Dionisia:
P as in papa
A as in epol
C as in Sicily
Q as in cuba
U as in me
I as in eyebrow
A as in epol agen
O as in august
Now u know…
Operator: Come Again?
Aling Dionisia: U dont understand me? im d mader of d fam0s boksir! Yur so patitic..niver mind…ill enterneth na lang!

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A short story
Girl: break na tayu!
Boy: cge gutom na din ako kain na tau..
Yan ang tinatawag na misunderstanding.

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Man was in prison for 7 years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up.
As he got into the car, he said, “F. F.”
Wife answered, “E. F.”
Out on the road, he said, “F. F.” Wife simply responded, “E. F.”
He repeated, “F. F.” She again replied, “E. F.”
“Mom! Dad!” the son yelled. “What’s going on?”
Man answered, “Your mother wants to eat first!”

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Mikey Arroyo says his mother wil go back to teaching after 2010.
She will teach the ff. Masteral Subjects:
a. Advanced Graft & Coruption;
b. Successful Election Fraud;
c. Strategy against Impeachment; d. Effective Ways of Lying;
e. Bribery As A Way Of Life.

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Driving styles:
One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn. - Tokyo
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator. - Boston
One hand on horn,
one hand greeting,
one ear on cell phone,
one ear listening to loud music,
foot on accelerator,
eyes on female pedestrian
- Welcome to MANILA!

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Tanong: Ano ang pagkakaiba ng pagsakay sa bisikleta at sa babae?
Sagot: Pag sa bisikleta, steady lang ang puwet, ang paa ang gumagalaw. Sa babae, steady paa, puwet lang ang gumagalaw!

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ANAK: Itay, ano po ba ang pagkakaìba ng complètè sa fìnìshèd?
ITAY: Anak, kapag tama ang napangasawa mo, thèn u r complete. Kapag malì naman, ah, u r finished!

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TODAY’S QUOTE:

“A man who won’t lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings.”

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FACTS OF LIFE :
Women are more verbal than men…
That’s why when u see an elderly couple 2geder,
it’s always d man who has d-
HEARING AID!

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A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.

Wife yells, “That guy had sex with me twice!”
He says, “Twice? Why didn’t you call me in after he did you once?”
She replied, “Because I thought it was you until he started the second time.”

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A Japanese company is developing some computer chips that stores music in women’s breast implants.
This is a major breakthrough as some women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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Ang haba naman ng pila ng sa burol ni TITA CORY. Nakakatamad pumunta. Siksikan tao, . . Antay ko na lang burol ni GMA sigurado hindi siksikan at walang pila. Pls pass if u love your country para umabot kay bubwit at makonsensya.

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Some of the worst Pickup Lines:
If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled, fertilized?
My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can’t hold it in.
How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I’ll give you the meat.

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Man1: My gf was giving me a great blow job last night…
Man2: Wait, I thought you said you were married?
Man1: I am.
Man2: Why don’t you have oral sex with your wife?
Man1: Are you crazy! That’s the same mouth she uses to kiss me goodnight!:-D

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BREAKING NEWS:

The Philippine Medical Association has decided to penalize cosmetic surgery intern Hayden Kho over his role in his sex video scandal.
As punishment, he will be forced to fix the president’s leaking boobs – without pay.

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Hirap umibig, hirap din umiyak,hrap mgmhal,hrap dn msaktan,hrap umasa,hrap dn mbig0,per0… Pinakamahirap sa lahat… Malig0 tap0s tab0 m0, TANSAN!!

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ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE