SMS Jokes – 08.17.09 (Monday)

Sex for married couple is like going to the Duty Free Shop…
It’s their DUTY and it’s FREE!

* * * *

Nasa simbahan ka. Pag tingin mo sa tabi mo for the sign of peace, si Gloria! Anong gagawin mo?
Ngumiti at sabihin:
“IMPEACH Be with You!”

* * * *

A spinster sat and watched quietly as robbers took everything in her house. As they were leaving, she cried out, “What about rape?!”

* * * *

A boy walks into bathroom and catches his mom sitting on the bowl in her full glory. He runs out to tell his father.
Boy: what’s that big gash between mommy’s legs?
Father: that’s where I accidentally hit her with an axe.
Boy: WOW, you got her right in the cunt!

* * * *

Young couple were holding hands at a nudist camp.
“When I tell you I love you,” he asks, “why do you always lower your eyes?”
“To see if it’s true,” she replies shyly.

* * * *

A short story
Gurl: break na tau!
Boy: cge gutom na din ako kain na tayo..
Yan ang tinatawag na misunderstanding.

* * * *

Boy: Baril ka ba?
Girl: Lam ko na yan ksi mukhang tinamaan ka sakin noh?
Boy: Hinde! Ang lakas kasi ng PUTOK mu!

* * * *

Ahmed’s father gave him a gun on his wedding nite & said,
Fire in air if wife is virgin, Shoot her if not.
Ahmed fired in air 1st nite & shot her on 2nd nite.

* * * *

Elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the wife said, “Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after ANnuAL sex!”

* * * *

BAGONG BUGTONG

  • -isang bAkLita nakaupo sa papa.(lapt0p)
  • -mahaBa’t matiGasnang isub0’y kumatas.(ice cAndy)
  • -malaki at maumb0k,hinihimas bagopumas0k.(do0r kn0b)
  • -malapad sa paninGin,masarap pindUtin.(i-ph0ne)
  • -ibuka at hiGupinsungkitin bago kainin.(talaba)
  • -ipinasok na lambUtin,matiGas nang hugUtin.(yelo):-o

* * * *

Question: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CHICKEN & A BABY?
Answer: CHICKEN IS THE RESULT OF A SITTING HEN WHILE THE BABY IS THE RESULT OF A STANDING COCK.

* * * *

The company a man worked for transferred him to another town. He was told that he had to take a new physical examination. All the tests came out fine, but the doc remarked that the man had the smallest dick he’d ever seen.

Doc: do you have any difficulties with it being so small?
Man: not at all. I’ve got a wife, 3 kids, and we have a great sex life. But I must admit I sometimes have a problem finding it in the daytime.
Doc: what about at night?
Man: no problem, because there are two of us looking for it.

* * * *

An older man was married to a younger woman. After a few yrs of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack.

The doctor advised him that to prolong hislife they should cut out sex.

He & his wife discussed the matter & decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation.

One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex wasn’t worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the staircase& said, “I was coming up to die.”

She laughed & replied, “I was coming down to kill you!”

* * * *

ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE

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