Lolo pumunta sa MERALCO.
Lolo: nanakawan ako, ibalik nyo sa akin yung ninakaw sa akin.
MERALCO: E bakit sa amin nyo po sinisingil ung ninakaw sa inyo?
Lolo: Gago pala kayo eh, bakit kami sinisingil nyo pag nanakawan kayo?
* * * *
Woman aplying 4 TIN:
BIR: whats your profession?
GIRL: prostitute, sir!
BIR: can’t put that in your form! Think of another.
Grl: Ah, poultry worker sir!
Bir: How come?
Girl:becoz i handle EGGS and raise COCKS, sir!
* * * *
3 men are arguing about when life begins.
1st : at the time of conception.
2nd : at birth.
3rd : Life begins when wife goes for vacation .
* * * *
Overheard…
Mar Roxas’ cousin Margarita Fores has reportedly drawn up the menu for the wedding dinner. Just to make sure that high-end guests will appreciate the food, Ms. Fores has consulted Congressmen Ferdinand Martin Romualdez and Danilo Suarez.
* * * *
A young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker, sporting a variety of tattoos, entered the ER. It was found the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed in the OR, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it was a tatoo that read, “Keep off the grass.”
Once surgery was done, the surgeon wrote a note on the patient’s dressing which said, “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.” .
* * * *
A couple wanted to celebrate son’s circumcision but didn’t know the english words to print on card so they wrote:
“CUTTING CEREMONY OF THE FUCKING INSTRUMENT.”
* * * *
Boy asks his Dad, “What’s politics?”
Dad replies, “I am the President, your Mom is the government, your Yaya is the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future.”
Later that night, he hears his baby brother in soiled diaper crying. He goes to Mom and sees her asleep. He goes to Yaya and finds his Dad on top of her.
The next day, the boy says to his Dad, “The President is screwing the working class, while the Government is asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”
* * * *
It’s unfair!
When women get fat, their boobs and pussies get bigger;
when men get fat, their dicks get smaller!
What an unfair life?
* * * *
Paramedics attend a nasty accident involving a sports car. When they see the driver screaming in pain they tell him to calm down as at least he was notflung out through the windscreen like his girlfriend. He screamed back, “HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT’S IN HER MOUTH?”
* * * *
All above SMS courtesy of MIKE
