M A R U I S M

MRS: Lasing ka noh?
MR: di ah! Kung lasing ako di na ko nakauwi, kita mo nga kahit pagapang,
naka-uwi ako!
MRS: Gago! Lasing ka nga! San mo iniwan wheelchair mo?

SMS Joke courtesy of wow_kalabaw

* * * *

Sen. Mar Roxas says he wants Sen. Noynoy Aquino to be his running mate in 2010.
If both candidates win, Korina Sanchez will become RP’s First Lady and Second Lady at the same time!

* * * *

HUSBAND: Tell me the truth. How many men have you slept with?
WIFE: I swear! I only slept with you! The rest of the bastards did not let me sleep!

* * * *

Sexy girl tries to get on bus but she can’t. Skirt’s too tight. Reaches back & lowers zipper.
Tries again but still no go. Lowers zipper again. Tries again & still no go. Reaches back & lower zipper 3rd time.
Suddenly feels 2 hands on her butt pushing her into bus! She turns around, indignantly tells man behind her, “I don’t know you well enough for you to do that!”
Man replies, “Lady, I don’t know you well enough for you to lower my zipper 3 times!”

* * * *

Nanay: ayusin mu kama mu!
Anak: nay,magugulo lang yan ulit, bakit ko pa aayusin? Para lang akong nagmahal tap0s masasaktan lang muli…
Nanay: yudi! nag-em0te ang tamad!

* * * *

LOVE is when you wish upon a star.. .
LUST is wish upon a starlet…
MARRIAGE is definitely…
When you wish you did not.

* * * *

Prayer of a Nun whose blood test report got mixed up w/that of a pregnant woman..Oh Christ! Don’t perform stupid miracles! How can d priest’s tongue do that?

* * * *

Honeymoon…
WIFE: 1st tym mo rin ba talaga? Bakit ang galing mo?
HUSBAND: Hayop ka! Kung 1st tym ka rin, bakit alam mo magaling ako?

* * * *
A man buys 4 tires because they were on sale.
His wife shouts, “Why did you buy tires when we don’t have a car?”
The man yelled back, “Do I say anything when you buy bras!”

* * * *

The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE