M A R U I S M

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A MAR ROXAS/NOYNOY AQUINO TICKET WILL SAVE THE FILIPINO A HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY IF THEY AGREE:

TO SHARE THE FIRST LADY!

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BREAKING NEWS:

As per doctors’ advice, the Fake Gentleman will not appear before the Senate probe on the aborted ZTE deal because of his ill-gotten health!

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Stanley Ho: Ma’am, I’m giving you a Ferrari.
PGMA: I don’t take bribes.
Stanley Ho: I will then sell it to you for P200.
PGMA: In that case, I will buy two!

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Ano ang sabi ng palaka, manok at baka nang nkapasok sa room ni GMA sa Malacañang.
Palaka: “korap..korap..”
Manok: “kuk kurakot..”
Baka: “oonga, oonga..”

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NADATNAN NI ERAP SECRETARY AT DRIVER NYA NA MGSESEX SA OFIS NYA.
ERAP SAID: You are both fired.
DRIVER &SECRETARY ask: but why sir?
ERAP: You are NOT in UNIFORM, MGA BOBO.

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Bruce, probinsyano, matagal ng-ipon para makabili ng P15 libong Bally shoes. Galing!
Sikat! Papogi sa mga tsiks! Nagsayaw sa party. Una si Lena.
Bruce: Lena, pula ang panty mo?
Lena: Paano mo alam?!
Bruce: Sa repleksyon ng aking 15 libo na Bally shoes.
Sunod si Cita. Sayaw
Bruce: Cita, puti panty mo!
Cita: Sino may sabi?
Bruce: Wala. Kita sa repleksyon ng bagong 15 libo na Bally shoes ko.
Huli si Inday. Sayaw. Nabigla si Bruce!
Bruce: Maysuot kang panty?
Inday: Wala. Walang pangbiLi. (sabay ngiti)
Bruce: Ay sus salamat! Kala ko naguhitan at nabiyak ang aking bagong 15 mil piso na Bally shoes!

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A young girl of 14 went to work at a broom factory. After 2 months, she quits. The boss was unhappy to let her go since she was hard working. He calls her into his office, “But why?” he asked.
“Nothing, I just wanna quit” she said.
“Look, I’ll give you a raise.”
“No,” she said.
“There must be a reason. Tell me.”
“Ok,”she said and took off her undies, pointed to her pubic hair, “if you must know, I haven’t had this before, it’s the broom’s bristles…”
Boss took off his underwear and showed his, and said, “Look I have it too… it’s nature.”
“Oh no!” the girl cried, “I can’t wait 2 weeks! I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you’ve grown the handle as well!”

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A Senior Love Story…
Sarah & Bill, both 91, had sex for the first time since they met 2 yrs ago..
Resting from exhaustion afterwards, Bill uttered, “If i had known you were a virgin, i would have been more gentle.”
Sarah replied, “IF i had known you could still do it, I would have taken off my pantyhose!“

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Why a FIL-AM cannot be a U.S. President:
1.White House is not big enough for in-laws & relatives.
2.There are too many dining rooms to put d picture of d Last Supper.
3.Secret Service agents won’t respond to Psst..Psst.
4.State dinners do not allow take-home.
Finally…AirForce1 does not allow overweight balikbayan boxes!

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A man wakes up in hospital after a harrowing operation.
The surgeon is standing beside him in the bed.
He looks up at the surgeon – full of dread.
Our man says timidly “Well, how did the operation go?”
To which the surgeon replies “Well, I’ve got some good news & some bad news.”
“What’s the good news?”
“We managed to save your testicles”
Our man breathes a big sigh of relief.
“What’s the bad news?”
“They’re under your pillow.”

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KUTO1: do u hear me? over!
KUTO2: copy!
KUTO1: location mo?
KUTO2: sa pubic hair ni ma’am. ikaw?
KUTO1: pucha! katabi lang pala tayo! nasa bigote ako ni sir!

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Sir: Miss, dito ba yung cashier?
Miss: Huh? hindi noh! dun kaya!
Sir: Akala ko dito eh. Mukha ka kasing bayaran!

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QUOTES OF THE DAY:
“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.” ~ Jay Leno

Its sad for a woman to reach the age where men consider her CHARMLESS,
But its worse for a man to attain the age where girls consider him HARMLESS.
- Anonymous.

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ALL of the ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE