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“Don’t let your problem, problem you. Let your problem, problem them…” -Aling Dionisia
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Different sounds of women’s urine:
- SINGLE: i wisssssss x3
- WIDOW: i misssssss x3
- SPINSTER: plisssssss x3
- MARRIED: alwaysssss x3
- SEPARATED: bwisssssst x3
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FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
Ivana Trump, the socialite wife of the multi-millionaire New Yorker, Donald, whem asked why she married a much younger man replied, “I would rather be a baby-sitter than a caregiver.”
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Quote for the Rainy Season:
“Tao rin naman kaming college students. Bakit laging elementary at high school lang suspended classes kapag umuulan?
Ano akala nila sa amin? WATER-PROOF?”
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One Christmas Eve, a long, long time ago, Santa Claus comes down the chimney & is startled by a beautiful 19 year old girl. She said, “Santa, will u spend the night with me?” Santa replies, “Ho Ho Ho, gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good little girls & boys.”
So, she took off her gown, wearing only panties & a bra, she asked, “Santa, now will u spend the night with me.” Santa says, “Ho Ho Ho, gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good little girls & boys.”
She takes off her panties & bra & says, “Santa, now will u spend the night with me.”
Santa replies, “Ho Ho Ho, gotta stay, how can I deliver these toys to good little girls and boys with this kind of dick!”
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SABI nila, mahirap bitiwan ang sinimulan..
Ang sabi ko naman, mahirap bitinin ang nasasarapan!
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Man at hospital for circumcision. When he comes around after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several docs around his bed.
“Son, there’s been a mix-up,” says the surgeon. “We performed a sex change operation, and you now have a vagina.”
“What?” gasps the man. “You mean, I’ll never experience an erection again?”
“Oh, you might,” surgeon assures him, “it’s just not yours!”
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Q: What should a woman say as she guides her lover’s tongue toward her clitoris?
A: This bud’s for you!
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Trivia:
- * Sperm banks keep their donor semen at approximately minus 197 degrees Celsius.
- * Endytophilia is the desire to keep one’s clothes during sexAn Arab was bragging that in his country there are 79 different ways to make passionate love.
- The Kama Sutra details techniques on 10 types of kisses, 64 different caresses, 8 variations of oral sex and 84 positions for intercourse.
- * A typical orgasm lasts from 3-10 seconds, with contractions occurring every 0.8 second for male and female.
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Question: How can you tell if ang batang Bumbay has turned into an adult?
Answer: When he starts wearing his diaper around his head!
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2 guys met after a long time & chatted about what’s been going on since they last met.
First guy said he has a girlfriend & 2nd guy asks about her relationship to his friend, her cooking, her folks & finally how’s she in bed. First guy replies, “She’s fantastic! And she sucks like a real man!”
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2 gays were looking at a travel brochure.
One of them said, “Let’s try Greece this year!”
The other replied, “Why? What’s wrong with Vaseline?”
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During his monthly visit to the barber shop, a man asks his barber for tips on how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing was female juice.
“But you are balder than I am!” protested the man.
“True” admits the barber, “but you’ve got to admit I’ve got one hell of a mustache.”
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LOVE is when you wish upon a star..
LUST is when you wish upon a starlet…
MARRIAGE is definitely when you wish you did not…
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1st date, man asked if she would like a drink.
“Oh, no! what would I tell my Sunday school class?”
He offerd her cigarette.
“Oh, no! what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said again.
On the way home, he saw a motel. he asked if she wants to stop there.
“OK.” she said.
“What will you tell your Sunday school class?” he ask.
“The same thing I always tell them: ‘You don’t have to drink or smoke to have a good time!’”
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Q: Which of the ff. doesn’t belong:
meat, eggs, wife, blow job?
Chavit: blowjob. Bcoz u can beat ur meat, ur eggs or ur wife. But u can’t beat a blowjob!
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Argument Rules:
Any argument that a man and a woman are involved in, the woman gets the last word. Anything a man says afterwards is the beginning of a new argument.
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SOME WORLD CLASS DEFINITIONS:
- AIDS: Ass Infected Don’t Screw
- ARAB: After Rape Apply Balm
- BOMBAY: Both Of My Balls Are Yours
- CUBA: Caught Under Bra Area
- GERMANY: Girls Even Rape Men at New York
- JAPAN: Jumping and Pumping All Night
- RUSSIA: Rape Until She Screams In Agony
- PUMA: Press Until Milk Arrives
- U.S.A.: Under Skirt Activities
- FEMALES: For Entertaining MALES
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Penis is much better than credit card b’coz..
.accepted worldwide
.auto reload
.unlimited usage
.need no authorization
.no need to swipe just wipe after usage.
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ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE
