Dionesia: judith! judith! judith!
Pacman: nay bakit? bakit ka sumisigaw?
Dionesia: Ang bayaring BELLS sa kuryente. judith ngayon.
* * * * *
One night wife play the national anthem while preparing for sex.
Hubby, “why are you playing this?”
Wife, “the whole country stands up when the anthem is played, let me see if it does any wonder for your dick.”
* * * * *
ERAP: Grabe na pala talaga ang crime rate dito sa Pilipinas, halos lahat wanted..Eto,
- Wanted GR0
- Wanted Driver
- Wanted Acct.
- Wanted Clerk..
- pati Yaya wanted!!
* * * * *
ANAK: Tay! tignan mo abs ko! 6 pack yan, tay!
TATAY: wow! machong macho na anak ko ah! pano mo nagawa yan, nak?
ANAK: belly dancing, tay!
* * * * *
Playboy: First, I’m going to buy you a few drinks & get you a bit loose.
Girl: Oh, no you’re not!
Playboy: Then I’ll take you to dinner & ply you with more drinks.
Girl: Oh no you’re not!
Playboy: Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.
Girl: Oh no you’re not.
Playboy: Then I’m going to make passionate love to you.
Girl: Oh no you’re not.
Playboy: And I’m not going to wear a condom either.
Girl: Oh yes you are!
* * * * *
Use in a Sentence (by Pacman):
1. DEPOSIT- cold plumber Deposit is leaking.
2. SPLAT- oh my goshnes, the tire Splat!
3. HOSTESS- when the fone rings, I ask, “Hostess?”
4. DEFICIT- before you jump into a pool, check how Deficit.
5. CHICKEN NUT BREAD- Nanay can”t swim bcoz wen she jumps into the water, Chicken Nut Bread.
* * * *
After being married for 45 years, I told my wife, “Honey, 45 years ago we had a cheap flat, a cheap car, a small black & white TV with a hot 25 year old gal. Now I have a 50 million home, a 5 million car, a 60″ LCD TV but I’m sleeping with a 70 year old woman. It seems to me you’re not holding up.”
* * * * *
How can you love a man…
who has a gorgeous face.
a sexy body,
a scent that you cant resist,
who’s thoughtful, sweet, romantic & kind,
.. if he loves another man? Yan na kc ang trend eh!. . .
. . . Hay buhay!
* * * * *
Irate Tribal Chief: Hey, Fr. Leo, I’m very upset. I have 10 children, all black. Now 11th baby born is white. You’re the only white man in 200 kms. radius. You explain what this means?
Priest: Ehem! No hasty conclusion please. Nature is unfathomable! See there, all goats are white. Only God knows why sometimes a black goat is born. These are the secrets of nature. You have to accept them w/o understanding them!
Chief: I SEE! OK, Father, I’ll be quiet about white baby & you be quiet about black goat!
* * * * *
Pari: Ayaw mo na raw makipagsex sabi ni mister.
Mrs: Pagod lang Father, kc tuwing papasok sa opisina sasakay ako ng taxi tatanungin ako ng driver ANO MISIS MAGBABAYAD KA BA O ANO? wala akong pera kya pipiliin ko yung O ANO. Sa opisina late ako at sabi ng boss late ka, paguusapan pa ba ito O ANO? Yung o ano pinili ko. Pag uwi naka abang yun taxi kaya O ANO pinipili ko. . . Yon po.
Pari: sasabihin ko ba sa mister mo ito O ANO?
* * * * *
The farmer’s wife was aghast at what she saw in the barn. Instead of milking the cow, her husband was humping away at the bovine.
Angrily, she yelled at him, “That’s the most depraved and disgusting thing I’ve ever seen! I’m going to tell everyone you were having sex with the cow!”
He calmly replies, “Very well. You tell them that and I’ll tell everyone that it’s because the cow is better than you!”
Man decides to buy a new rifle scope in a gun store. The clerk shows him a scope & says to d man, “This scope is so good u can see my house on the hill.”
Man looks thru d scope & starts laughing. “What’s so funny?” asks d clerk.
“I see a naked man & a naked woman running around ur house,” man replies.
The clerk grabs d scope from d man & looks at his house. Then he gave d man 2 bullets. “I’ll give u this scope free if u take this 2 bullets shooting my wife’s head off & shoot d guy’s penis off.”
The man takes another look thru d scope & says, “You know what?! I think I can do both in one shot!”
* * Â * * *
Newly issued PGMA postage stamps by Phil. Post was found to be defective. After an investigation the postal authorities found the stamp is OK, but people just spit on the wrong side of the stamp.
* * * * *
Binagsak ng teacher…
Student: buti pa ang saging, may puso! Pero ikaw sir, wala!
Teacher: aba kung ganyanan lang eh, buti pa ang bulalo may utak, ikaw wala.
* * * *
1 day I read smoking is bad
I stop smoking
1 day I read drinking is bad
I stop drinking
1 day I read sex is bad
ay naku…
I stop reading
Reading is bad.
* * * * *
At a rape trial, the young victim was asked by the judge what defendant said before the alleged assault. Too embarrassed to answer aloud, she asked if she can write down the answer.
After reading the answer, the judge instructed the jury foreman to read it and pass it to the other jurors.
One juror dozed off, was nudged by a woman juror sitting next to him. He took the note and read,”I’m going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before.”
The juror smiled at the woman and slipped the note in his pocket.
“Will juror #12 please return the note to me,” ordered the judge.
“I can’t, Your Honor, it’s too personal.”
* * * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE
joke lang .-= zaizai´s...
