“me seeds”
Sabi ni aling di0nisia ng tumun0g ang f0n ni manny.“manny ! may me seeds ka. “
Oist my me seeds ka rin?
* * * * *
BOYFRIEND: Bakit ba nagseselos ka sa kasama ko? Eh kaibigang matalik ko ‘yun!
GIRLFRIEND: ‘Yun nga, eh! Magkaibigan kayo pero nagtatalik!
* * * * *
How to speak about women… and be politically correct:
.. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
.. She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
.. She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
.. She is not HORNY – She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
.. She is not a S_UT – She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
.. She is does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
* * * * *
Lalaki at kabit, nagda-date…
Lalaki: hon, anu name ko sa fonebook mo?
Kabit: mcdo, kasi luv ko to.
Lalaki: ang sweet., ikaw namn bdo..
Kabit: bakit?
Lalaki: we find ways…
* * * * *
A man to his doc friend, “What are the signs by which you pronounce a man and a woman dead?”
“Simple! A man is declared dead when his heart ceases to beat and a woman when her tongue ceases to move.”
* * * * *
‘Tweet’ from Rep. Mikey Arroyo:
“My advice sa mga nawalan ng bahay at gamit is this: Pakasal kayo ulit, para may mag-regalo sa inyo. Tingnan nyo ako, sa California pa nakabili ng bahay.”
* * * * *
One morning, Bill Clinton sees something written in urine on the snow covered lawn. It reads, “I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD.”
He orders the FBI to investigate. The Feds were back after a week. “Well, Mr. President, do you want to hear the bad or the awful news first?” Bill sighs, “Bad I guess.”
“The urine belongs to Mr. Gore.” Bill grabs his chest, “Oh! Al’s my best friend and my VP… What’s the awful news?”
“The handwriting was Hillary’s.”
* * * * *
WONG: Ikaw subo akin ari, bigay kita 1,000 piso.
GRO: Dapat 1,500 piso at hugasan mo muna yan.
WONG: Wakanga! Ikaw mag blowjob kelangan may fung shui pa!
* * * * *
Priest: The Best Things in Life are FREE!
Seminarian: “True!”
Nun: “Amen.”
Monk: “Oh, yes.”
Pastor: “Correct”
Prostitute: “No Way!”
* * * * *
Couple had no sex during Lenten season. At 4am, Easter Sunday, there was a loud knock on the door.
WIFE: I know why your knocking.
HUSBAND: Yeah, but do you know what I am knocking with?
* * * * *
Wrinkles appear when we grow old; But old age means Wisdom..
So, show deep Respect to your Balls, they’ve been very Wise since you were born.
* * * *
At a courtroom…
WIFE: I’m charging my husband with Adultery.
JUDGE: Do you have any evidence?
WIFE: Yes, Your Honor. All my 3 kids don’t look like him!
* * * * *
A man’s wife was going to her parents and was packing a suitcase with what she needs.
The husband went to his friend and says, “She is so innocent and that she even took the condoms with her.”
* * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.”
* * * * * *
Huwes: Order! Order in the court!
Erap: Isang tasang Decaf nga!
* * * * *
A mother was pushing her newborn son in a pram along the road when she met an old friend.
“Ohh, let’s have a look,” said the friend, “isn’t he handsome? He looks just like his father.
“Yes, he does, doesn’t he?” replied the mother sadly. “I only wish he looked a bit more like my husband.”
* * * * *
BREAKING NEWS:
Doing his share to help typhoon victims is presidential son Mikey who has volunteered to gather gifts and donations…
by remarrying his wife Angela this weekend…
* * * * *
Q: Why do Hindu women wear red dots on their foreheads?
A: Well, in ancient times, Hindu men used to practice archery skill by aiming at their wifes’ red dot. This is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered archery and hit the target…
* * * * *
Q: What’s worst than lipstick in a man’s shirt collar?
A: Leg makeup on your ears!
* * * * *
Isang bagong sagot sa tanong na, “Kumusta ang love life?”: “Postponed till further notice. Uploads will be posted once available.”
* * * * *
One day the zookeeper saw that the orangutan was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of the Species.
Surprised, he asks the ape why read those books. “Well,” says the orangutan, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”
* * * * *
Two friends were watching bungee jumping.
Friend1: wanna try?
Friend2: no way! i was born because of broken rubber and i don’t wanna die because of it!
* * * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE
