“This country should not show hatred over what is stolen, but instead show gratitude for what is left behind…” -GMA & Family.
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Q: What do you do when a Rottweiler humps your leg?
A Fake an orgasm!
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“MISS KITA”
Ang sabi ng lalaki sa babaeng naka-mini skirt na kita na ang underwear.
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Poems In Bed
MAN:
Two times two is four plus five is nine. I can pee in yours but you can’t pee in mine.
WOMAN:
Two times two is four plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you’ll never know the depth of mine.
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A sexy girl to doctor: My mobile phone got stuck in my pussy in vibration mode since 3 days ago.
Doctor: Don’t worry, I’ll remove it.
Girl: No!!! Just recharge the battery!
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MISTER: honey, promise simula ngayon, iiwan ko na ang mga kabit ko.
MISIS: wow! i promise din na ang susunod nating anak, ikaw ang ama. promise talaga!
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PATIENT: It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.
DENTIST: I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.
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Life mysteries:
Bakit ang bird ng lalake maitim, di naman naarawan ‘to?
Bakit ang pepe namumula wala namang sunburn?
Bakit ang pubic hairs patubo pa lang, patay na?
Bakit tumatawa dyan ganun ba sa’yo?
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Eggs decide to fight against sperms one night, they wait with guns in the pussy but no one came. Suddenly one egg shouts, “Cowards! They’re attacking from behind.”
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kuba: tinutuks0 niLa ak0ng kuba magaaraL ak0 ng karate!
m0nths Later
friend: gaLing m0ng magkarate! tinatawag ka pa rin bang kuba?
Kuba: Hnde na! Ninja turtle na!
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BOY: Miss, tricycle ka ba?
GIRL: huh? Bakit?
BOY: Pasakay naman, hanggang sa LABASAN lang!
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Lalaki: Honey, wag kang magagalit ha., pero nawawala ko yung wedding ring natin…
Babae: Gago! Ayan ang singsing mo, nahulog pag-ihi ko.
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A Sexy Model was asked to seduce the Manager.
MGR: If you can arouse me, I will make you the world’s top model.
Model: I would do evrything just to be famous.
The model starts a sexy dance while slowly removing her skirt & bra till she was totally naked. She dances nude while playing w/ her breast & pubic hair. She moves closer to the Mgr, unzips his pants &
*some text missing*
Wala ng kasunod…
Some text missing na nga, pindot ka pa ng pindot! He hehe
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Guy had only $5 for sex.
Prostitute: “I can only give you a ‘PENGUIN’.”
She pulls down his pants & gives him a blow job. Just as he was about to come, she stops & walks away.
Guy, with his pants at his ankle, waddles after her shouting:
“Hey, what’s a ‘PENGUIN’?”
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Loi & Erap take d only room available on d 100th floor of a hotel. The elevators were busted, so they took d stairs.
At the 10th flr, Erap tells Loi he has somethng to tell her.
“Tell me upstairs” says Loi.
When they reached d 100th flr, Loi finally asked what Erap wanted to say:
“We forgot the keys downstairs.”
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What does GMA mean?
G-aling
M-angurakot
A-raw araw
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GIRL1: When he started undressing me, I told him I don’t want to see him again.
GIRL2: What happened then?
GIRL1: He turned off the lights!
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ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE
hi,
i bumped into your blog via Blog ni Ella(after ng DSWD expose nya), nasa Blog roll ka nya. i like the way you write. meron ka bang kilala na gusto mag-blog at wala syang medium to do that. since i’m too busy as a website designer, i can’t write regularly so kelangan ko lang contributors sa blog ko.. its http://www.mindspeaks.com if ok sau, pwede ka ba mag contribute ng article sa blog ko? …hehehe kung meron ka kilala he/she can contact me at my site blog Mindspeaks.com or cell 09192991694. tanx Kibi
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hindi ko nagets ung sa penguin
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STORY: “PATAY NA PARROT”
KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw….
“Hello, Mister Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, ‘yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo.”
“O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano’t napatawag ka? May problema ba?
“Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot.”
“‘Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? ‘Yung nanalo sa bird show?
“Opo, Master Carlos, ‘yun na nga po.”
“Putris … sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong ‘yon. Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?”
“E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne….”
“Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?”
“W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo.”
“Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?”
“E, ‘yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig.”
“Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg? ”
“‘Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog.”
“Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman ‘yang pinagsasasabi mo?”
“‘Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo…. Tumumba po ‘yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab ‘yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat ang apoy….”
“Ano? Puuut…. E, may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a. Para saan ‘yung kandila?”
“Para sa burol po.”
“Ano? Kaninong burol?
“Sa nanay n’yo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nu’ng isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw. Nabaril ko.”
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