SMS Jokes 16

“Aanhin pa ang gabi, kung wala naman katabi.”
Eh may nakarinig:
“Eh anong silbi ng may katabi kung wala namang nangyayari.”
May humirit:
“Eh ano naman kung may nangyayari kung wala namang nabubuong baby.”
Eh my affected:
“Paano may mabubuong baby kung parehas kayong LALAKE!!

* * * * * *

LOLA: Lab, what do u think about sex?
LOLO: Well, at d age of 8, I ignored it.. at age 18, I experienced it..at age 28, I was looking it.. at age 48, I begged 4 it.. at age 68, I prayed for it..& now at age 78.. Ano nga ulit ang pinaguusapan natin?

* * * * *

Three wives talking about their husbands…
Ising: Ang asawa ko parang Rolls Royce, madulas at magara.
Juaning: Ang akin parang Porsche, mabilis at mapwersa.
Luring: Asawa ko parang lumang jeepney. Kailangan pang itulak ng kamay, pagkatapos sakyan agad KUNG umandar!

* * * * *

Sa tindahan ni aling diony.Pulis: isang coke nga.
Tindera: maestro ka, ser?
Pulis: hindi, pulis ako.
Tindera: maestro ka nga ba, ser?
Pulis: bingi!! Pulis ako!
Tindera: ay, bubu kang pulis ka! tenatanung keta kung sesepsepen mu…sa estro!…
Tsk, tsk, tsk!…

* * * * *

Q: Why is a man’s pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: To enable him to tell if he’s coming or going.

* * * * * *

Late one night, a man walks into a dentist’s clinic and says, “Excuse me, can you help me? I think I’m a moth.”
DENTIST: You need a psychiatrist.
MAN: Yes, I know.
DENTIST: Then why did you come here.
MAN: The lights were on.

Continue reading

SMS Jokes 15

Pacman recently cancelled endorsement c0ntract w/ Mcdo!
Nagalit kasi bakit daw he’s been promoting its product, but still their slogan is –
“Love Co To”

* * * * *

Don’t close your door when you feel alone..
Don’t close your heart when you want to love..
And don’t close your legs kung gusto mong makatikim nang sarap sa kama! 😉

* * * * *
It’s a fact…
being sex starved is natural to us..

We are only humans. So if someone tells you, “Manyak ka ba?” just turn your back and say, “Affected ka ba? Tandaan mo, walang gamot sa tigang!”

* * * * *

While in a pub in England, a condom machine had this on the ad: “Manufactured to strict British standards.”
Underneath, someone scratched, “So was the Titanic.”

* * * * *
A woman answered her front door and found two little boys with a list. “Lady,” one of them explains, “we’re on a scavenger hunt and we need 3 grains of wheat, a porkchop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar.”

“Wow,” woman replies, “who sent you on such errand?”

“Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend,” the two kids answers back.

* * * * *

3 guys were having an argument about who was more generously endowed. To settle the argument, they went to the top of the Empire State and unzipped their pants.

“Pretty good, huh,” said the 1st whose cock was hanging down to the 58th floor.

“That’s nothing,” said the 2nd, whose penis went down to a window just above the 48th.

They both looked over the 3rd guy who was moving around very strangely, jumping from one foot to the other. “What the hell are you doing?” asked the two. Third guy answered, “I’m dodging traffic!”

* * * * *

What does a balloon and a man have in common?
They both enlarge when you “blow” them.

* * * * *
At the first session of a conversion class, the pastor conducting the class asked, “What must we do before we can expect forgiveness from sin?”

After a long silence, one of men raised his hand and said, “Sin?”

* * * * *
Sexy Facts of Life:
Fate is liked getting raped; if you can’t fight it, learn to enjoy it.
Work is like a gang bang: people are behind you to take your place.
Education is like hiring a prostitute; it needs both money and hard work.
Success is like masturbation; only your own hand can let you achieve it. 😉
A bit green but makes sense, right?

* * * * *

QUOTATION OF THE DAY:

“He who loses wealth loses much;
he who loses a friend loses more;
but he who loses his erection loses all!”

* * * * *

What is the meaning of ‘sanctity’?
It’s French , for a lady with five(cinque, prounounced as sanc) breasts…

* * * * *

BEN: Anong sabi ni boss tungkol sa bonus natin?

Tony: Ok! Ibibigay daw! Ang kondisyon- kungmay makita daw tayong…
13th at 14th month sa kalendaryo!

* * * * *
Definition of
Tragedy…

It’s when your zipper
gets stuck when it
is the time to
fuck!

* * * **

Dick and balls arguing…

BALLS: bakit di mo kami sinasama pgpumapasok ka sa loob? Ikaw lang ang nag-eenjoy!

PENIS: Akala nyo masarap sa loob? Suka nga ako nang suka doon eh!!!

* * * * * *

ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

Euro Tour ’09 – Mulheim, Germany

Aaminin ko, ako na yata ang taong walang kahilig-hilig na mag pose sa harap ng camera.

Papatunayan ko sa inyo sa mga sumusunod na larawan.

Photo location: Mulheim, Germany

IMG 5639

IMG 5641

IMG 5640

IMG 5647

IMG 5663

IMG 5665
IMG 5668

IMG 5669

IMG 5674
O ha! Kita nyo naman. Ayan na ang mga ebidensya. Di ba sobrang obyus na wala akong kahilig-hilig sa mga kodakan na yan?!

Hahahahaha!

Oi! Blog ko ‘to kaya wag na kayo komontra. Ang komontra ay…lulugain!

oOo

Quote of the Day:
“If you want to be miserable, think about yourself, about what you want, what you like, what respect people ought to pay you and what people think of you.” – –Charles Kingsley

While writing this, I was listening to , If Your Today Was Your Last day – by Nickelback.

SMS Jokes 14

Sa isang camp ng mga sundalo, nakita ng kapitan na me kabayo sa loob, tinanong nya ang mga sundalo kung bakit me kabayo dun.

Sundalo: Kasi po pag nakakaramdam po kami n gusto namin makipagsex ginagamit namin sya.

Isang gabi ay naramdaman ng kapitan ng gusto nya makipagsex kaya kinuha nya ang kabayo at dinala sa tent nya at dun dinali. Nakita sya ng mga sundalo at pinagtawanan.

Kapitan: Bakit kayo tumatawa di ba ginagawa nyo rin ‘to.

Sundalo: Oo nga pero ginagamit namin sya papunta sa bayan at dun kami kumukuha ng babae.

* * * * *

Anak: tay bakit masarap ang sex?
Tatay: Kasi may kiliti o sensati0n katulad ng naramdaman mo pag nangungulangot ka

Anak: Bakit mas nasasarapan ang babae kaysa lalaki sa sex?
Tatay: Tulad ng pangungulangot, mas nasasarapan ang ilong mo kaysa sa daliri.

Anak: Bakit ayaw ng babae ang niri-rape sila?
Tatay: Kunwari, naglalakad ka tapos may lumapit at biglang kinalikot ilong mo. Magugustuhan mo ba?

Anak: Bakit ayaw ng babaeng makipag sex pag may regla?
Tatay: pag may dugo ilong mo, mangungulangot ka ba?

Anak: Bakit ayaw ng mga lalake ang condom?
Tatay: gusto mo ba mangulang0t na may guwantes?

Anak: Bakit sa pribadong lugar ginagawa sex?
Tatay: lokong bata to ah! mangungulangot ka ba sa harap ng mga kaklase mo?

YAN ANG ALAMAT NG sex at pangungulangot! BOW! (“,)

* * * * *
JUDGE: Misis, ano ang huling sinabi ng asawa mo sa iyo sa kama bago mo siya pinatay?
DEFENDANT: Ang huling sinabi po niya, “Masarap ka talagang gumiling, KRISTA!”
JUDGE: Anong masama sa sinabi niya at pinatay mo siya?
DEFENDANT: Ang pangalan ko po ay JINKEE!!!

* * * * *

They say:
“Love is sweeter the second time around.,”
Ang masasabi ko lang…
“Love is sweetest kapag nakakaraming round!”

* * * * *
In ancient England, people could not have sex unless they had consent of the king. When people wanted to have a baby they have to get the consent of the king and the monarch gave them a placard that they hung on their door while having sex.

The placard had “F. U. C. K.” (Fornication Under Consent of the King) written on it, hence the word “FUCK” came from.

Now aren’t you glad you learned something new today?

* * * * *

When the clerk of court read the case against him, the accused shouted:

“Putang ina niyong lahat!
Wag kayo magbintang, isa lang ni-rape ko bakit PEOPLE OF THE PHILIPPINES na ngayon?”

* * * * *
ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

SMS Jokes 13

Its in the news!

Hahiwalayan daw ni Mar si Korina
Kasi…
pag tanggal daw nya ng panty ni Korina,
nakakita syang maliit na yellow ribbon at nakasulat…
“NOYNOY WAS HERE!”

* * * * *

GUY: is ur new BF better than me?
GIRL: u & him are like the old and new CRV…

Guy doesn’t understand so he calls HONDA to ask what’s the difference between the old and new CRV.

HONDA: new one has more power… better performance and four inches longer..

* * * * *
Question: Why don’t men make hissing sound when they pass urine unlike women?
Answer: Because they have a 6 inch silencer.

* * * * *

A man’s wife goes to England to attend a 2-week training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip.

Wife thanks husband and asks him what she would like to bring home for him.

Husband laughs and says, “An English girl.” Wife kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later, the man picks up the wife from the airport and after the customary “how was the trip?”, etc, he asks, “And what happened to my present?”

“What present?!”

“What I asked for, the English girl?”

“Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it’s a girl!”

* * * * *

TYPES OF PEOPLE:
Pretender: farts silently then acts innocently.
Shy: farts softly then smiles.
Arrogant: farts loudly then laughs.
Unlucky: tries to fart but shits instead.

* * * * *

“How about us spending the weekend in a nice quiet hotel?” whispered a guy into a gal’s ear.

“I’m afraid,” gal said, “that my awareness of your proclivities in the esoteric aspects of sexual behavior precludes you from such erotic confrontation.”

“I don’t get it.” the guy said.

“That’s exactly right!” the gal replied.

* * * * *
The THAIS have the HIGHEST NUMBER of PROSTITUTES! What else can you expect from a country called “THIGH LAND”,
the capital is “BANG COCK”, their Top Tourist Spots are “PHUKHET, PATHONG and PATTIHAYA” and a King named “BINULBOL”

* * * * *

CNN SPORTNEWS:
“Pacquiao defeated COTTO!”

Yes, its true! With the help of Manny’s secret weapon, HEAD and SHOULDER Shampoo, now with Kuto-Control.

Manny: “Di lang tanggal ang Dandruff, tanggal din ang COOTTO ko . . . you know!”

* * * * *

Spanish of:
I LOVE MY LAWYER!
Te amo notario publico!
MY GIRLFRIEND IS A DEODORANT MODEL.
Mi amiga el modelo del tawas.
MY FRIEND FAILED IN MEDICAL SCHOOL.
Mi amigo el albularyo.
THREE BOYS TOOK A BATH IN LAGUNA.
Tres muchachos los banos laguna.

* * * * *

If you want
a President who will
beat up his enemies
at nanlalatigo pa…

Manong CHAVIT is your GUY!

* * * * *

Ang magnanakaw gaLit s kapwa mgnanakaw!
Ang holdapeR kaRibAL ang
kapwa h0ldaper!
Ba’t ganun n0h?
Galit sila s kapwa nila,
Eh, bakit ang mga MALLB0G
magkakasUnd0?

* * * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIke

SMS Jokes 12

Alam mo ba kung paano nabuking ni Jinky sina Manny at Krista?
During the fight, Jinky joined the fans cheering “pacman! pacman!”
Krista also cheered”pacme! pacme!”

* * * * *

Erap kumuha ng NBI clearance…
NBI: Sir, paki buo po yung ‘M’ na sinulat ninyo sa ‘Marital Status’ ninyo.
Erap, medyo inis, pero sumunod din at bumulong, “Kilala naman nila ako ah. Simple lang sagot nito … ‘MANY.'”

* * * * *

During sex, the gal asks repeatedly, “Do you love me, do you really love me?”
Irritated by this, the guy replies, “What the hell do you think I am doing? Push-ups?!?!

* * * * *
Unmarried girl got pregnant, went to insurance company for claim.
OFFICER: Your policy covers sickness & accident, not pregnancy!!
GIRL: It was an accident.

Continue reading

Euro Tour 09 – One Day-Off (Geneva)

One day-off ang grupo namin sa pasyal o lakwatsa, ganito mga tsura/ginawa namin sa tinirhan naming flat.

Lumamon ng lumamon,

(Photos taken at Raymund and Katrina’s flat in Geneva, Switzerland.)

IMG 5305

Nagsalang ng labada sa laundry room ng building…

(Angie, Anthony and Jo)

DSCF4792
Nakipag-kulitan sa mga naglalaba…

(With Jo)

DSCF4795
Nag praktis komodak sa harap ng salamin…

screenshot 38

Nag-chikahan, tsismisan, tawanan…

(Angie and Katrina)

IMG 5306

Kanya-kanya kaming pwesto. Nag-ayos ng itinerary with matching hawak ng calculator para sa forex conversion. Lol!

(Evan)

IMG 5310

Naglaro ng Tumblebugs…

(Millette)

IMG 3431

Nag-check ng emails…

(Raymund)

IMG 5307

Naglabas ng iPhone at nakisagap ng libreng WIFI signal sa kapitbahay…

(Anthony)

IMG 5308

Ako naman, siempre nag check ng blog at nakipag-chat din sa nag-iisang member ng Fans Club ko…

IMG 5309

 

 

oOo

Quote of the Day

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward.”Spanish Proverb

Medieval City – Yvoire, FRANCE

Yvoire, a romantic medieval town in Haute Savoie on the French side of Lake Geneva, is a popular day-trip destination from Geneve, Nyon, Evian, and local Alpine resorts.

This medieval bourg, ideally situated on the expanse separating the “little lake” from the “great lake”, still possesses some of the essential elements of the fortifications of the 14th Century : the castle, doors, ramparts…

Known as a modest fishing village in the beginning of the century, Yvoire is now ranked as one of the International Laureates of Floral Decorations, and is a member of the Association of the Most Beautiful Villages of France. – Yvoire Tourism Office

screenshot_40
IMG 4899
IMG 4911

IMG 4952
IMG 4964

   Millette (my sister), Evan (my brother) and Anthony (Evan’s bestfriend and a family friend)

IMG 4969

IMG 4970

IMG 5464

IMG 5463

Matagal ko ng trip ang tumihaya (atta word) sa “bed of roses” kuno. Natupad din! Alam nyo bang isa-isa ko pang tinanggal ang mga tinik ng mga tangkay bago ako humiga diyan? Siempre, istir ko lang yun! Hindi yan mga rosas. Mukang mga rosas lang. Lol!

* * * *

QUOTE of the DAY:

“Il n’y a qu’un bonheur dans la vie, c’est d’aimer et d’tre aim.” (There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.)George Sand

Euro Tour 09 – Milano, Italia

Sabi ko nga dun sa Twitter ko, lumelevel-up na ang beautyness ko. Kung dati sa Rizal Park/Luneta lang ako namamasyal, at Manila Cathedral lang ang pinakamalaking simbahan na napasukan ko , abah! ibahin nyo ko ngayon. Sa Milan, Italy na ako namamasyal ngayon! Say nyo! O di vah, ang angas kooooo! Lol!

DSC02696

Smile lang ng smile kahit nangangatog na ang baba ko sa sobrang lamig. Siempre, tiis-ganda to the max ako.

DSC02738
Kulang ang pasyal mo sa Milan, Italy kung wala kang picture na kunyari nakikipaghabulan ka sa mga kalapating mababa ang lipad gaya ng ginagawa ko.
DSC02736
IMG 6146
POSE! Kung inaakala ni Claudine Barretto na sya lang ang may K na pomorma sa may Milan Cathedral, TSE!!! kaya ko rin noh!

IMG 6187
Deadma ang ulan. Tuloy-tuloy lang ang kodakan.

IMG 6150

Bellisima Mamaru!

IMG 6158

Ang hipag kong si Angie na winner lagi sa dami ng pictures sa bawat lugar na pinasyalan namin.

IMG 6256

Eto ang “stolen shot” ng grupo namin.

IMG 6238

Milan Cathedral

DSCF5121

DSCF5119

DSCF5128

The Emmanuel Gallery

IMG 6269

Uyy! Abelabol pala ang SMART load sa Italy. Load na, kabayan!

IMG 6166
IMG 6168

DSC02708

Dun sa Gallery, may inaapakan dun na isang pic ng kabayo sa sahig at ang sabi ay pwede ka raw mag wish ng kahit ano habang iniikot mo yung sakong ng paa mo.

Siempre, GO ako! Nag wish ako ng dalawa. Matupad naman kaya yung isang wish ko na sana ay tumangkad pa ako?

* * * * *

Quote of the day:

“What is the fatal charm of Italy? What do we find there that can be found nowhere else? I believe it is a certain permission to be human, which other places, other countries, lost long ago.Erica Jong


SMS Jokes 11

* * * * *

TEACHER: What do you call a man who doesn’t use contraceptives?

STUDENT: Daddy!

* * * * *

ATTITUDES of “wise” employees:

1. TIME CONSCIOUS-oras lang ang binabantayan;

2. WORKAHOLIC-di makapagtrabaho pag di nakainom;

3. SERVICE ORIENTED-di makaalis pag walang service vehicle;

4. HARDWORKING-hirap pagtrabahohin;

5. KEEN EYE FOR DETAILS-mapagpuna sa gawa ng iba.

* * * * *

Men’s F Rules:

Find her.

Follow her.

Flirt her.

French kiss her.

Finger her.

Force her.

Fuck her.

Forget her.

Find NEXT..!

* * * * *

HIRIT

Boy: ang manok, baboy, gulay, prutas.

Girl: hmp! alam ko na yan nagmamahalan na, tayo na lang ang hindi?

Boy: hindi, lahat yun natikman ko na ikaw na lang ang hindi!

* * * * *

Define MASTURBATION…

It is a thermodynamic irreversible process by virtue of which a man can challenge a woman that he can live without her.

* * * * *

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran into the line of fire to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier, and returned back safely.

“Private, I’m recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secreat warehouses,” the officer said.

“Warehouses?” the private shouted.” I thought you said whorehouses!”

* * * * *

FUNNY BILLBOARD ADS:

Ace Hardware: Need a good screw?

Wilson Sports: Get some balls.

KY Jelly – We can’t think of any other uses for it either.

Pennzoil – We admit it. We giggle when we hear the word “lubricant,” too.

The Mormons – Bored? Try a missionary position.

* * * * *

HEIGHTS!!!

Height of Confusion: Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles.

Height of Foolishness: A guy peeping through the keyhole of a glass house.

* * * * *

DRIVER: yung mga pangit pwede ng bumaba. may checkpoimt kasi sa unahan, pabor lang.

PASAHERO: tapos, kuya? sino na pong magddrive ngaun?

* * * * *

It’s a good thing there’s no cat flu so far, otherwise men will all have to avoid the pussy…! Praise the women for sucking on birds despite bird flu!

* * * * *

NURSE: Excuse me doc, why is that old man sticking his tongue & holding up his middle finger?

DOCTOR: Simple. I asked him to show me his sexual organs.

* ** * * *

Consequences of Oral Sex:

Sperm1: Guys, I think we’re being digested.

Sperm2: Great! Just great! Perfect!

Sperm3: Hey, I found the egg!

Sperm1: That’s a grape, you bird brain!

* * * * *

LADY: (to tire changer) Come on, let’s make love!

TIRE CHANGER: Then, please get into the water.

LADY: Why do you need water to have sex?

TIRE CHANGER: Because, I can identify holes only in water!

* * * * *