* * * * *

TEACHER: What do you call a man who doesn’t use contraceptives?

STUDENT: Daddy!

* * * * *

ATTITUDES of “wise” employees:

1. TIME CONSCIOUS-oras lang ang binabantayan;

2. WORKAHOLIC-di makapagtrabaho pag di nakainom;

3. SERVICE ORIENTED-di makaalis pag walang service vehicle;

4. HARDWORKING-hirap pagtrabahohin;

5. KEEN EYE FOR DETAILS-mapagpuna sa gawa ng iba.

* * * * *

Men’s F Rules:

Find her.

Follow her.

Flirt her.

French kiss her.

Finger her.

Force her.

Fuck her.

Forget her.

Find NEXT..!

* * * * *

HIRIT

Boy: ang manok, baboy, gulay, prutas.

Girl: hmp! alam ko na yan nagmamahalan na, tayo na lang ang hindi?

Boy: hindi, lahat yun natikman ko na ikaw na lang ang hindi!

* * * * *

Define MASTURBATION…

It is a thermodynamic irreversible process by virtue of which a man can challenge a woman that he can live without her.

* * * * *

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran into the line of fire to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier, and returned back safely.

“Private, I’m recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secreat warehouses,” the officer said.

“Warehouses?” the private shouted.” I thought you said whorehouses!”

* * * * *

FUNNY BILLBOARD ADS:

Ace Hardware: Need a good screw?

Wilson Sports: Get some balls.

KY Jelly – We can’t think of any other uses for it either.

Pennzoil – We admit it. We giggle when we hear the word “lubricant,” too.

The Mormons – Bored? Try a missionary position.

*  * * * *

HEIGHTS!!!

Height of Confusion: Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles.

Height of Foolishness: A guy peeping through the keyhole of a glass house.

* * * * *

DRIVER: yung mga pangit pwede ng bumaba. may checkpoimt kasi sa unahan, pabor lang.

PASAHERO: tapos, kuya? sino na pong magddrive ngaun?

* * * * *

It’s a good thing there’s no cat flu so far, otherwise men will all have to avoid the pussy…! Praise the women for sucking on birds despite bird flu!

* * * * *

NURSE: Excuse me doc, why is that old man sticking his tongue & holding up his middle finger?

DOCTOR: Simple. I asked him to show me his sexual organs.

* ** * * *

Consequences of Oral Sex:

Sperm1: Guys, I think we’re being digested.

Sperm2: Great! Just great! Perfect!

Sperm3: Hey, I found the egg!

Sperm1: That’s a grape, you bird brain!

* * * * *

LADY: (to tire changer) Come on, let’s make love!

TIRE CHANGER: Then, please get into the water.

LADY: Why do you need water to have sex?

TIRE CHANGER: Because, I can identify holes only in water!

* * * * *

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