Its in the news!

Hahiwalayan daw ni Mar si Korina
Kasi…
pag tanggal daw nya ng panty ni Korina,
nakakita syang maliit na yellow ribbon at nakasulat…
“NOYNOY WAS HERE!”

* * * * *

GUY: is ur new BF better than me?
GIRL: u & him are like the old and new CRV…

Guy doesn’t understand so he calls HONDA to ask what’s the difference between the old and new CRV.

HONDA: new one has more power… better performance and four inches longer..

* * * * *
Question: Why don’t men make hissing sound when they pass urine unlike women?
Answer: Because they have a 6 inch silencer.

* * * * *

A man’s wife goes to England to attend a 2-week training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip.

Wife thanks husband and asks him what she would like to bring home for him.

Husband laughs and says, “An English girl.” Wife kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later, the man picks up the wife from the airport and after the customary “how was the trip?”, etc, he asks, “And what happened to my present?”

“What present?!”

“What I asked for, the English girl?”

“Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it’s a girl!”

* * * * *

TYPES OF PEOPLE:
Pretender: farts silently then acts innocently.
Shy: farts softly then smiles.
Arrogant: farts loudly then laughs.
Unlucky: tries to fart but shits instead.

* * * * *

“How about us spending the weekend in a nice quiet hotel?” whispered a guy into a gal’s ear.

“I’m afraid,” gal said, “that my awareness of your proclivities in the esoteric aspects of sexual behavior precludes you from such erotic confrontation.”

“I don’t get it.” the guy said.

“That’s exactly right!” the gal replied.

* * * * *
The THAIS have the HIGHEST NUMBER of PROSTITUTES! What else can you expect from a country called “THIGH LAND”,
the capital is “BANG COCK”, their Top Tourist Spots are “PHUKHET, PATHONG and PATTIHAYA” and a King named “BINULBOL”

* * * * *

CNN SPORTNEWS:
“Pacquiao defeated COTTO!”

Yes, its true! With the help of Manny’s secret weapon, HEAD and SHOULDER Shampoo, now with Kuto-Control.

Manny: “Di lang tanggal ang Dandruff, tanggal din ang COOTTO ko . . . you know!”

* * * * *

Spanish of:
I LOVE MY LAWYER!
Te amo notario publico!
MY GIRLFRIEND IS A DEODORANT MODEL.
Mi amiga el modelo del tawas.
MY FRIEND FAILED IN MEDICAL SCHOOL.
Mi amigo el albularyo.
THREE BOYS TOOK A BATH IN LAGUNA.
Tres muchachos los banos laguna.

* * * * *

If you want
a President who will
beat up his enemies
at nanlalatigo pa…

Manong CHAVIT is your GUY!

* * * * *

Ang magnanakaw gaLit s kapwa mgnanakaw!
Ang holdapeR kaRibAL ang
kapwa h0ldaper!
Ba’t ganun n0h?
Galit sila s kapwa nila,
Eh, bakit ang mga MAL¡L¡B0G
magkakasUnd0?

* * * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIke