M A R U I S M

Pacman recently cancelled endorsement c0ntract w/ Mcdo!
Nagalit kasi bakit daw he’s been promoting its product, but still their slogan is -
“Love Co To”

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Don’t close your door when you feel alone..
Don’t close your heart when you want to love..
And don’t close your legs kung gusto mong makatikim nang sarap sa kama!

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It’s a fact…
being sex starved is natural to us..

We are only humans. So if someone tells you, “Manyak ka ba?” just turn your back and say, “Affected ka ba? Tandaan mo, walang gamot sa tigang!”

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While in a pub in England, a condom machine had this on the ad: “Manufactured to strict British standards.”
Underneath, someone scratched, “So was the Titanic.”

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A woman answered her front door and found two little boys with a list. “Lady,” one of them explains, “we’re on a scavenger hunt and we need 3 grains of wheat, a porkchop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar.”

“Wow,” woman replies, “who sent you on such errand?”

“Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend,” the two kids answers back.

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3 guys were having an argument about who was more generously endowed. To settle the argument, they went to the top of the Empire State and unzipped their pants.

“Pretty good, huh,” said the 1st whose cock was hanging down to the 58th floor.

“That’s nothing,” said the 2nd, whose penis went down to a window just above the 48th.

They both looked over the 3rd guy who was moving around very strangely, jumping from one foot to the other. “What the hell are you doing?” asked the two. Third guy answered, “I’m dodging traffic!”

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What does a balloon and a man have in common?
They both enlarge when you “blow” them.

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At the first session of a conversion class, the pastor conducting the class asked, “What must we do before we can expect forgiveness from sin?”

After a long silence, one of men raised his hand and said, “Sin?”

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Sexy Facts of Life:
Fate is liked getting raped; if you can’t fight it, learn to enjoy it.
Work is like a gang bang: people are behind you to take your place.
Education is like hiring a prostitute; it needs both money and hard work.
Success is like masturbation; only your own hand can let you achieve it.
A bit green but makes sense, right?

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY:

“He who loses wealth loses much;
he who loses a friend loses more;
but he who loses his erection loses all!”

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What is the meaning of ‘sanctity’?
It’s French , for a lady with five(cinque, prounounced as sanc) breasts…

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BEN: Anong sabi ni boss tungkol sa bonus natin?

Tony: Ok! Ibibigay daw! Ang kondisyon- kungmay makita daw tayong…
13th at 14th month sa kalendaryo!

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Definition of
Tragedy…

It’s when your zipper
gets stuck when it
is the time to
fuck!

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Dick and balls arguing…

BALLS: bakit di mo kami sinasama pgpumapasok ka sa loob? Ikaw lang ang nag-eenjoy!

PENIS: Akala nyo masarap sa loob? Suka nga ako nang suka doon eh!!!

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ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE