“Aanhin pa ang gabi, kung wala naman katabi.”
Eh may nakarinig:
“Eh anong silbi ng may katabi kung wala namang nangyayari.”
May humirit:
“Eh ano naman kung may nangyayari kung wala namang nabubuong baby.”
Eh my affected:
“Paano may mabubuong baby kung parehas kayong LALAKE!!
* * * * * *
LOLA: Lab, what do u think about sex?
LOLO: Well, at d age of 8, I ignored it.. at age 18, I experienced it..at age 28, I was looking it.. at age 48, I begged 4 it.. at age 68, I prayed for it..& now at age 78.. Ano nga ulit ang pinaguusapan natin?
* * * * *
Three wives talking about their husbands…
Ising: Ang asawa ko parang Rolls Royce, madulas at magara.
Juaning: Ang akin parang Porsche, mabilis at mapwersa.
Luring: Asawa ko parang lumang jeepney. Kailangan pang itulak ng kamay, pagkatapos sakyan agad KUNG umandar!
* * * * *
Sa tindahan ni aling diony.Pulis: isang coke nga.
Tindera: maestro ka, ser?
Pulis: hindi, pulis ako.
Tindera: maestro ka nga ba, ser?
Pulis: bingi!! Pulis ako!
Tindera: ay, bubu kang pulis ka! tenatanung keta kung sesepsepen mu…sa estro!…
Tsk, tsk, tsk!…
* * * * *
Q: Why is a man’s pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: To enable him to tell if he’s coming or going.
* * * * * *
Late one night, a man walks into a dentist’s clinic and says, “Excuse me, can you help me? I think I’m a moth.”
DENTIST: You need a psychiatrist.
MAN: Yes, I know.
DENTIST: Then why did you come here.
MAN: The lights were on.
* * * * *
Sex is like a payslip.
You can’t discuss it with anyone because then everyone will know how little you actually get.
* * * * *
Linguist husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a coed.
He said, “Why, dear, I am surprised.”
She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, “No, I am surprised! You are astonished!”
* * * * *
What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 – u take her to bed n tell her a story.
At 18 – u tell her a story n take her to bed.
At 28 – u dont need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – she tells u a story n takes u to bed.
At 48 – u tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 – u stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – if u take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
* * * * *
There is a knock on St. Peter’s door. He looks out and a man is standing there. St. Peter starts his interview with the man when all of a sudden, the manjust disappears. A short time later there’s another knock. St. Peter gets the door, sees the same man again, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears once again! This same scenario goes on two more times; each time, ending with the man disappearing.
“Hey, are you playing games with me?” an exasperated St. Peter calls after him.
“No,” the man’s distant voice replies anxiously.
“They’re trying to resuscitate me.”
* * * * *
Boy is at a zoo on a class visit and he sees a deer. Being a city kid, he’s not seen one before, & so asks his teacher what it is.
Teacher plays a word game with him & says, “That’s what your Dad calls your Mom.”
Boy thinks for a while, then says, “‘I’m not stupid, Miss, but that ain’t a fucking pig.”
* * * * *
Erap & Jojo Binay went to a Washington DC diner. A waitress came to take their order. Erap leans to her & says, “Can I have a quickie please?” Waitress is appalled & yells about women’s rights & storms away. Binay then says to Erap, “Erap, it’s pronounced as ‘quiche’”
* * * * * *
WISDOM OF THE DAY:
The girl who doesn’t know about the birds and the bees…
will sooner or later get stung.
* * * * *
Wife (to husband walking around naked): The neighbors can see your dick!
Husband: So they can, so what?
Wife: They’d think I married you for your money!
* * * * *
Subject: Truism
1. When I was born, I was given a choice – A big dick or a good memory.. I don’t remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings…’
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.
* * * * *
ALL ABOVE JOKES courtesy of MIKE
