* * * * *
TEACHER: What do you call a man who doesn’t use contraceptives?
STUDENT: Daddy!
* * * * *
ATTITUDES of “wise” employees:
1. TIME CONSCIOUS-oras lang ang binabantayan;
2. WORKAHOLIC-di makapagtrabaho pag di nakainom;
3. SERVICE ORIENTED-di makaalis pag walang service vehicle;
4. HARDWORKING-hirap pagtrabahohin;
5. KEEN EYE FOR DETAILS-mapagpuna sa gawa ng iba.
* * * * *
Men’s F Rules:
Find her.
Follow her.
Flirt her.
French kiss her.
Finger her.
Force her.
Fuck her.
Forget her.
Find NEXT..!
* * * * *
HIRIT
Boy: ang manok, baboy, gulay, prutas.
Girl: hmp! alam ko na yan nagmamahalan na, tayo na lang ang hindi?
Boy: hindi, lahat yun natikman ko na ikaw na lang ang hindi!
* * * * *
Define MASTURBATION…
It is a thermodynamic irreversible process by virtue of which a man can challenge a woman that he can live without her.
* * * * *
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran into the line of fire to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier, and returned back safely.
“Private, I’m recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secreat warehouses,” the officer said.
“Warehouses?” the private shouted.” I thought you said whorehouses!”
* * * * *
FUNNY BILLBOARD ADS:
Ace Hardware: Need a good screw?
Wilson Sports: Get some balls.
KY Jelly – We can’t think of any other uses for it either.
Pennzoil – We admit it. We giggle when we hear the word “lubricant,” too.
The Mormons – Bored? Try a missionary position.
* * * * *
HEIGHTS!!!
Height of Confusion: Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles.
Height of Foolishness: A guy peeping through the keyhole of a glass house.
* * * * *
DRIVER: yung mga pangit pwede ng bumaba. may checkpoimt kasi sa unahan, pabor lang.
PASAHERO: tapos, kuya? sino na pong magddrive ngaun?
* * * * *
It’s a good thing there’s no cat flu so far, otherwise men will all have to avoid the pussy…! Praise the women for sucking on birds despite bird flu!
* * * * *
NURSE: Excuse me doc, why is that old man sticking his tongue & holding up his middle finger?
DOCTOR: Simple. I asked him to show me his sexual organs.
* ** * * *
Consequences of Oral Sex:
Sperm1: Guys, I think we’re being digested.
Sperm2: Great! Just great! Perfect!
Sperm3: Hey, I found the egg!
Sperm1: That’s a grape, you bird brain!
* * * * *
LADY: (to tire changer) Come on, let’s make love!
TIRE CHANGER: Then, please get into the water.
LADY: Why do you need water to have sex?
TIRE CHANGER: Because, I can identify holes only in water!
* * * * *
