SMS Jokes 17

Girl1: musta ang bagong kasal?
Girl2: ayoko ugali ng asawa ko, biro mo nag-la-lovemaking kami, may kumatok sa pintuan at bumangon siya at tiningnan kung sino yon.
Girl1: talaga, bitin ba?
Girl2: hindi, sana nga pero sinama niya ko sa pintuan!

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“If your boss says nothing is impossible, ask him to wear…
a condom after sex.”

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A woman once said dat a man is like a deck of playing cards…
u need:
A Heart to love him,
A Diamond to marry him.
A Club to smash his fucking head in, &
A Spade to bury the bastard.:-P

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Turns out one of the robbers n Greenbelt Heist was the 1st cousin of mayor Saldivar. Sought for comment, Sadivar said, “E ano ngayon? Si Mike nga, asawa ng presidente.”

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Boy watching film on childbirth shockingly asked his mom: “you mean i came out of there?”
Mom: yes, why?
Boy: wow, God really loves me. A few inches more and i could have been SHIT!”

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THE GOOD NEWS: There are many ways on how to argue with women.
THE BAD NEWS: None of them works!

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You know a man is inexperienced when he rips off a girl’s bra then bites her ears!

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If you love someone, do not touch his hands.
Hold his hands, put it in your boobs, search for nipples, slightly squeeze it to make you horny.
Akala mo na maman love notes no?

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Location Map:
SEMINARY to the left.
CONVENT to the right.
ORPHANAGE in the center.

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In Thailand, when males reach the age 18, they participate in a ceremony where they stand naked in a large circle facing inward.
A beautiful naked girl does a sexy dance in the center of the circle.

Behind each man is a beautiful naked girl. As soon as the men have erections, the girls behind them reach through their legs, pulk their erect penises downward and release them. Their penises spring back and go “WHAP” against their bellies, a measurement of their masculinity’s strength. Perhas that’s why the country’s capital is called Bangkok!

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Tekyo: Botchoy, binabalaan kita! tigilan mo na ang pngli2gaw sa anak ko!
Botchoy: ano nman ang msama doon? eh pareho nman kaming binata?

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Isang obscene phone call..
Boy: Ahhh… kung mahuhulaan mo kung ano ang hinahawakan ko sa isang kamay, ibibigay ko yun sayo.
Girl: Bastos! Walanghiya ka! pero kung isang kamay lang ang panghawak mo, walang kwenta yan, bansot!

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