MOM: Iho, ibalik mo ng maaga ang anak ko. Huwag na kayong magpunta sa kung saan-saan. Delikado ang panahon ngayon.
BOY: Don’t wori po, sigurado by 10 PM nasa kama na po ang inyong anak.
* * * * *
Mister: Gandang umaga, nanay ng aking limang anak!
Misis: Gandang umaga din, tatay ng aking tatlong anak!
* * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Never judge a girl by her clothes she wears. There may not be enough evidence.
* * * * *
Baket nag li-lipstick ang mga babae???
Para warning ito sa mga lalaki na…
Warning! Wrong Hole!
* * * * *
Prince Charles was caught in his birthday suit by the paparazzi.
What did his photograph proved when it came out in the papers?
THAT NOT ALL RULERS HAVE TWELVE INCHES!
* * * **
“King David and King Solomon led merry, merry lives with many, many wives and many concubines but when old age crept over them, King Solomon wrote the ‘Proverbs’; and King David wrote the ‘Psalms’.
When sexual prowess diminishes, intelligent ideas set in!!” So don’t despair!
* ** * *
Erap went to rob a bank, pointed a gun at the teller.
ERAP: Give me all ur money, or ul be Geography!
TELLER: You mean History.
ERAP: Dont change the subject!
* * * * *
Nang makita kita, ang sabi ko, IKAW na nga!
Nang makausap kita, ang sabi ko, ETO na!
Nang masilayan kita, ninais kong lapitan ka.
Totoo, IKAW na ang gusto kong utangan!
* * * * *
A husband & wife were chatting with a friend about marriage counselling. The husband explains, “Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife & I have a great relationship. She was a communications major in college & I majored in theatre arts. . .
She communicates well and I act like I’m listening.”
* * * * *
AN IDEA CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE…
But, a woman can change your IDEA.
So always change women to change IDEA(S)…! WHAT AN IDEA…
* * * * *
Bongo: man, have you got a drinking problem!
Mongo: the hell i do!
Bongo: the hell you don’t!
Mongo: i don’t have a drinking problem… i drink… i get drunk… i fall down, no problem!
* * * * *
STYLE of CORRUPTION in the PHILS…
Ramos style: under the table.
Erap style: over the table.
GMA style: including the table.
* * * * *
A very serious appeal. Let’s support Jamby Madrigal’s candidacy 4 d Presidency:
-Mas mayaman kay Villar.
-Mas lalaki kay Mar.
-Walang kama-kamag-anak,
kckaaway nya lahat ng relatives nya!
-mas artista pa kay Jinggoy and Bong
-mas cnungaling pa kay de Venecia
-mas ambisyosa pa kay Legarda
-mas matindi toyo nya kay Miriam, Eddie Gil and Eli Pamat0ng c0mbined!
kaya para maiba nman, sya ang iboto sa susun0d na halalan!!
* * * * *
A sexy lady in bikini walked into ocean to take a swim. Large waves came up and engulfed her, tearing off her bikini top. She came out of the surf with arms folded across her chest. A boy playing in the sand looked up and said, “Lady, if you’re going to drown those puppies, I’ll take the one with the brown nose!”
* * * *
A guy was looking for a little action when he picked up a young sweet thing at a bar and took her to his flat. Little did he know she was a nymphomaniac. After the 8th time, he told her he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes. On the way out, he stopped at the toilet. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped and felt a moment of panic when he couldn’t find his dick. After a couple of minutes of “fishing around,” he said, “Look it’s alright. She’s not here anymore!”
* * * * *
Scientists have determined that the average time of coitus lasts 4 mins.
The ave. number of strokes is 9/min., making the ave. intercourse 36 strokes.
Since the ave. length of a penis is 6 inches. The ave. girl gets 216 inches or 18 feet per coitus.
The ave. girl does it 3x a week, 52 weeks annually.
156 x 18 feet makes 2808 feet or just over a half mile.
So girl, if you are not getting your half mile annually, I’m sure there’s somebody out there that will help ya!
* * * * *
Q: Why is a man at his smartest when he is having sex?
A: Because he’s plugged into a woman!
* * * * *
In case of RAPE attempt:
Don’t resist! Volunteer to lower his pants down to his knees. Raise you skirt and RUN!
A woman with raised skirt can outrun a man with pants down.
* * * * *
Women are like screen doors.
Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up.
* * * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE
